Alright I’m in a difficult situation. My GF moved in with me out of her parents house close to 2 years ago now, and around a year ago she bought a 2021 Tesla. We live in a townhome with a 1 car garage, and I always intended to be the one to have that spot for my 2012 Honda Civic, in decent condition. I took the risk to get the loan for the house, I pay it each month, and I don’t ask her to pay any portion of it.
Recently she’s been pressuring me to give her the garage, especially due to recent events. Before she got the car, I knew I had to bring up the whole idea of whenever it may inevitably hail (We live in SE WY) and the possibility of her pressing to move my car out and hers in to protect while mine takes the damage, which I just don’t like. She seemed understanding at first but now it’s getting worse. We had a huge storm blow through the other day and it caused a bunch of hail, that presumably blasted the rear window out of her other car that parks on the street (way older, she doesn’t really care about this car) but this reinforced the whole garage thing.
She’s got her mom behind it too and never fails to mention “My mom doesn’t like it at all that you’re in the garage…”, she’s said it twice. Her mom doesn’t necessarily reach out to complain to me but she’s just got to mention. And then she blatantly said last night that given the fact that her car is valued higher, that’s just the reason. She’s yet to directly ask me to swap spots but she dances around it and constantly, I don’t like the lack of being straight to the point.
What would be a good way to navigate this situation? Looking at it from the other side, I can understand feeling that way. But I would think there’d be better ways of approaching that request than what’s being done currently.
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Sell the property and get a bigger one with a double garage, enough room for both cars. Then everyone is happy. Unless you have room on your current property to install a carport. Otherwise your stuck in a no win situation.
Since your GF isn’t paying you anything for rent, IMO she has no valid claim on your garage no matter what kind of car she drives. She can take a portion of whatever she’d be paying for apartment rent if she wasn’t living with you, and rent her own covered parking space (or two) in a commercial garage.
As a 23-year-old with TWO cars of her own, one of which is a high-end model, IMO she has other options. She just needs to be willing to pay for garage space, and it sounds like money is not a major issue here. Stand your ground, and keep your own car in your own garage!
We bought hail blankets for the cars that don’t fit in the garage.
Does she aid financially at all in your relationship? It seems like she is living for free and expecting you to give her the better parking situation.
Logistically it makes sense to put the higher value vehicle in the garage. Would some sort of financial compensation ease your worry? How about renting a neighbors garage? Or some sort of canopy in the driveway?
Her mom doesn’t like it that your cars in the garage? I am sure she likes you are financially supporting her daughter though…
Get a car cover for which ever one is outside they r available strong enough to stop being damaged by hail. If she wants the garage tell her she can have it for 10$ a week.
Move to a house with a 2 car garage or leave her alone her and her mom seem manipulative
It’s your house, you pay the mortgage, and the garage was always your spot, that’s fair. She moved in, not took over. Her car being newer doesn’t automatically entitle her to it.
The issue isn’t the request, it’s the pressure, the guilt-tripping, and bringing her mom into it. If she wants to discuss it, she should do so directly and respectfully.
What next? I bought a new blanket, so the bedroom is mine?
Completely off topic, but why would you want to be with someone who sides with/uses their mother to pressure you into them winning an argument?
She’s got her mom behind it too and never fails to mention “My mom doesn’t like it at all that you’re in the garage…”, she’s said it twice. Her mom doesn’t necessarily reach out to complain to me but she’s just got to mention. And then she blatantly said last night that given the fact that her car is valued higher, that’s just the reason. She’s yet to directly ask me to swap spots but she dances around it and constantly, I don’t like the lack of being straight to the point.
^ this whole paragraph is a major red flag. How would you react if your best friend or maybe your brother told you this was happening to them.
As a female, this is pretty indicative of a larger issue. I don’t think wanting the garage in itself is a problem, her reasoning is somewhat valid and you could possibly make a schedule or something. If I were her knowing I had a more expensive vehicle and that it was being left out I would probably also want it in the garage, obviously it is your house but you are cohabiting. It would make more sense to put the Honda outside, even just financially your vehicle doesn’t have the same downside/depreciation on it; or likely any of the repair costs. She did also go and purchase the more expensive vehicle knowing there was only one space for you to share. Admittedly it may also just be that the 2 of you have outgrown that particular home.
That being said the way she has gone about it is a pretty big issue to me, and would merit a genuine sit down conversation. If i were you I would reevaluate the situation and see if similar behaviours have popped up elsewhere in your relationship.
I guess really the question is do you see this going further. If you plan to stay together long term/get married then I would say you need to come up with some kind of compromise, if not then you know what to do.
If you were willing to just say no, it’s your townhouse & your garage, and she’s not paying for any of it, then I expect you would have done so already.
If you’re upset because she’s not asking you the “right way”, then that’s game playing & you should stop. If you want her to be upfront and not dance around the issue, you should be upfront first and show her how it’s done.
What do you think is fair? Are you willing to share? You each get the garage every other month? You get the garage two months, she gets it for one? It’s really up to you, since it’s your garage.
Here’s a wild card – what’s your long term plan? Are you going to move & get a place with more garage space? What about this relationship? Are you going to share finances at some point? In that case, protecting the higher value asset makes sense.
Chivalry aside, if you are determined not to give up the garage, you just have to tell her so firmly and politely as in, “GF, I know you want the garage for your car but I’m not going to do that. You bought your car knowing my house only has a one car garage that I use. I pay the mortgage and don’t ask you to pay rent so I think this is fair. I’m sorry if you disagree, but this is my decision and I don’t want to discuss it further.
Also, is there a place nearby she could pay to park it?
Treating the two of you as a combined couple, it makes more sense to put the Tesla in the garage. But it sounds like you are not yet ready to treat the two of you as combined.
So how far off is that possibility? Would it make sense for her to start paying rent to make the financial burden more even? Is there some other compromise she could make in exchange?
Or maybe, are you still mentally reserving the option to just break up with her in the next year or so? When I say “mentally reserving”, I don’t mean the chance that anything could happen just on uncertainty, but rather that you have specific concerns you aren’t confident of resolving, even if you aren’t yet willing to call them deal-breakers. In that case it would make sense you aren’t ready to offer this compromise yet, but also you still need to resolve that other thing eventually.
Enjoy your life with this woman, bro. Her mom will fight all her arguments, she’ll use outside people to influence and manipulate you, and care nothing for your opinion. This is your house and she doesn’t even pay to live there. And shes’ making demands?
Your life will be hell in less than 5 years.
SE WY? My fam is from WY so I’m guessing you’re in Laramie or Cheyenne. Heard about the bad hail storm.
I’d tell her to get a hail blanket. Also great for snow removal! I used one when I had street parking only the last few years and it makes getting gone in the morning a lot faster.
Anyway, I’d just be direct: “GF, I pay for this house and the garage and I’m going to continue using it. I find it pretty gross that you’ve involved your mom in this—it’s manipulative and immature. Buy a hail blanket and move on with this topic. I don’t want to discuss it again.”
Truly, the mom thing is just nuts to me.
She doesn’t pay any rent or home upkeep so she doesn’t get the garage
if she doesn’t like it, she can move out
Stop being a pushover
Texas regularly gets baseball size hail. My neighbors buy ultra tough hail proof car covers.
She sounds entitled and selfish.
I would start by asking her, “Why does it seem fair to you that I pay all the expenses for our housing, and I should keep my car on the street while you keep yours in the garage, because you chose to buy a more expensive car, when you had no space to keep it, and you could presumably afford that car in part because I’m paying for your housing? Do you think that an outside observer would look at that and think it makes sense, or would they think I’m getting screwed?”
Flip a coin for the week. Let fate decide.
She needs to go and is a spoiled brat. Here you’ve sacrificed to purchase the house. What sacrifices has she made, other than the typical overspending? She most certainly doesn’t need that car, anymore than she needs the garage. Meanwhile, you get to pay all the bills while parking in the street. Congratulations!
personally there is no way to navigate this unless you want your nuts removed. she pays nothing but wants stuff. tell her to pay the mortgage and she can have the garage. simple fairness. getting her mom involved is like a child move. her mom can pay your mortgage and let her daughter use the garage. he who owns the house and pays the bills gets to dictate what goes on
Get a new girlfriend. And take time in-between to better yourself because god damn…..
0P is there any possibility of putting up some kind of a carport or covering for the car. And I like somebody else’s idea of hail blanket. I’ve never heard of those.
Umm are you going to marry this girl? If so give her the garage. If not send her back home. How about you chage her rent on a rental agreement. You should have done this before she moved in. But here you are. No, she doesn’t deserve your garage but if she’s your future wife you need to learn to compromise.
“I bought this house, I am the only one paying for it, and this is my garage. You already live here for free. If you’re offering to pay half of the expenses for this place, then and only then we will talk about sharing the garage equally. If you don’t like that, you’re welcome to move right back out.”
This is a grown adult. She pays nothing to live at your townhouse, and now she also wants you to park your car outside so that she can park hers inside. This makes sense only if you are basically married, getting married, or consider yourself married AND you have decided that you WANT to be the only/main breadwinner and provide her with a cushy life because you WANT to. Which is insane, but some people want that. If all of that isn’t true, then she’s basically just being entitled and trying to bully you to get what she wants.
This problem is never going away, because this person has NEVER had to pay their own way. She has no understanding or appreciation for what it took to get this place or to keep it. She’s going from mommy’s house to yours, she’s never been independant and she’s acting like she’s your wife and it’s your responsibility to give her everything she wants and make her life easier, at the expense of yours. The thing is, you’re 25 years old. You’re not married. She’s just your girlfriend, and if this is any indication the relationship isn’t going to last, so put her back in her place and remind her that if she doesn’t like having use of YOUR garage, she is QUITE welcome to move back in with her parents, period. DO NOT BUDGE. As soon as you give in on this, it will then start with something else, until she’s controlling your whole life. Also, involving her mother in your personal relationship disagreements is a HUGE RED FLAG. I personally would have ended things for that reason alone.
Don’t change anything. Let her decide if she’s going to leave you over not getting her way. She’s acting like a child and I think you should treat her that way.
to be fair
you both sound kinda childish about this
Remind her she has the money for the car because she has no living expenses. Maybe I’m off- maybe she’s paying the other bills, it was a gift, etc.
Regardless, she knew the stipulation before she moved in. She knew this is the case before she bought the car. Now that she changed her situation without coming to a resolution with you, it is your job to cave?! This sounds like a unilateral act and she’s trying to manipulate you into doing this all along. Also… she knew the weather in the area before she bought the car.
Let her get her own apartment or house with its own garage.
Can she pay for another parking spot? That’s what I would do..I would never dare ask my hypothetical bf to give me his garage space if I’m not paying rent.