I’m (25M) and my GF is (23F) and we’re in a great relationship but sometimes we’re more like friends than we are romantic partners. We’ve been together for 7 years so sometimes things feel routine and she’s brought it to my attention. She mentioned that we have a lack of intimacy and it makes her feel unwanted and i’m very understanding and obviously want to improve on that but she says that it doesn’t matter anymore cause she has to bring it up for me to do something or talk about it which I completely understand.
I have trouble expressing myself and communicating my feelings towards thing, I kinda just go with the flow but I do want to be more intimate with her, It’s just when i’m thinking of getting intimate I look at her actions and take things like “my head hurts” or “i’m tired” as a hint that she doesn’t want to do anything, after telling her that she says that if I really wanted it that I would just do it and see what she actually responds which again I get :/ so rn we’re kinda weird, I messaged saying sorry if she feels that way and I do want her more than anything (cause I do) which the message was a bit more fleshed out and she just responds “it’s ok”. What do I do now? I don’t want to be weird or off with her, so idk what to do for my next steps. What should I do to try and ease the situation?
TL;DR: Been with my GF (7 years) and she says we’ve lost intimacy and it makes her feel unwanted. I understand and want to fix it, but she feels it doesn’t matter anymore since she had to bring it up first. I struggle with expressing feelings and usually “go with the flow,” which makes things harder. I apologized and told her I want her, but she just said “it’s ok.” Not sure what to do next or how to ease the tension and reconnect with her.
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My bf and I have the same issue in some way…
Your gf was 16 when you meet. Neither of you have had a change to grow up as a single person. Those teen years are very important for developing autonomy, working through crushes, understanding yourself. You get stunted emotionally when you start a long-term relationship so young. It gets boring, predictable, dull. You have become an old married couple.
I don’t have a suggestion. But consider if your relationship can sustain the next 5 decades.
As a 30 year old someone who has been with their husband since they were 15/16… it gets pretty predictable and you just kind of turn into roommates if you don’t actively work on things. Eventually you’ll argue over things or kind of just ignore each other altogether. Keep things fresh. Treat her as if you’re still trying to win her over. Dates doing things you both love. Random little gifts or reminders that you’re thinking of her like a card or note and candy or something she’d like. Give her a foot and/or back rub. Take something off her list of things she needs to do and lift her mental load. Something to break the monotony of your routine. Make her feel special and seen. Don’t forget intimacy starts outside of the bedroom and it isn’t always sex. 👌