Hey everyone! I created this account just to see what you guys think about my situation.
My GF and I have been together for 3 years. Things are going well, we even discussed potentially getting married. Her birthday is coming up soon and she wants to celebrate it abroad. I work full time – decent job with above average salary. She works part time and she is still at school. Her part time job pays really well though. We don’t live together yet.
I pay over 90% of our expenses (going out, entertainment, travel..). She really wants to travel for her birthday. I explained to her that due to unforseen circumstances this summer I just don’t have the budget to travel. I know her financial situation. She doesn’t have the budget either. She proposed to pay for the trip which I refused. I told her that this trip could seriously worsen our situation financially. I think it created a bit of tension between us. I am really trying hard to get my finances under control.
The problem is that she is planning to go alone. I just don’t know how to react. I am not comfortable with her just packing up and to travel on her own for a birthday celebration. I explained to her that my POV is that it’s a bad idea and that I wouldn’t want her to go. I know for a fact that I would never go alone (not just for birthday occasion) if she is not totally okay with it.
Can you please let me what you think? Am I being unreasonable to tell her she can’t go alone?
Thank you very much!
Tl;DR, my GF (27F) wants to travel on her own for her birthday. I (30M) can’t go because of current financial situation. Am I unreasonable to ask her not to go alone?
Comments
Why do you not want her to go alone? Just because of the finances?
Also stop paying for 90% of things if you can’t afford it. Go 50/50 if you actually want to start budgeting.
Let her go, you don’t own her, you have no right over another human adult to dictate what they can or can’t do.
She’s an adult and if she wants to travel for her birthday she should be able to – I think you need to figure that out for yourself why you have an issue with her going. I get that it makes you feel uncomfortable but you gotta figure out why and then address those reasons. Does she have a friend or two that can go with her?
It seems like the bigger issue is financial. You said she doesn’t have the budget either, but If she proposed to pay for the whole trip for you and her, how is she going to do that? If she goes alone, is she able to afford it that way?
I dont think this is the hill you want to die on but that’s your fight to have. I would encourage her to go and even help her figure out the trip instead of trying to hold her down for whatever reason.
I think you need to separate out the traveling alone aspect from the financial aspect. If you’re upset she’d spend the money while you pay for 90% of things and are broke, then talk to her about how you’re not comfortable with your current split of expenses. But don’t make it about the trip specifically – it’s perfectly normal to travel alone.
Ew- no you can’t tell her she can’t go. You are peers, you’re not her authority.
oh boy. money situation. honestly it doesnt sounds like you two are not on the same page, and if there are tensions now, imagine the potential tidal wave later.
You don’t get a say in what she does alone. She is an adult, and if she wants to go on a trip for her birthday, she is well within her rights to do so. You can go or not go, but what she does alone doesn’t have anything to do with you. You don’t even live together. You’re a guy she’s dating. You don’t get a vote.
Do her a favor and break up with her.
Let her pay for trip and go with her. 😂