M27 I’ve been together with my gf (F26) for 10 years and I recently found out she was emotionally cheating on me with an older dude M48. She met him at a bar during a girls night out and they talked for a few months regularly before I found out about this from her diary. She was planning to cheat on me physically and was planning a life with him.
What’s funny is that this is not the first time she has cheated on me emotionally and a little physically.
About five years ago she had a crush on one of her friends and developed feelings towards him. She never admitted on doing anything physical with him, but I read from her diary that she had kissed him while drunk. After this, she ended the whole thing with him. She doesn’t know that I know she has kissed this dude.
I confronted her about this older guy and she was quite defensive at first and started to show regret only when I said that I would like to see some regret and remorse from her. Things have been pretty good between us after the confrontation, but I am scared that she will cheat on me again in the future. We are currently engaged and supposed to get married in a few years.
What also bothers me is that she has now been talking a lot about having kids and how she wants to have a family with me and be a wonderful wife. I’m still very emotionally scarred from both of these experiences and I don’t know what to do. One part of me wants to forgive and stay with her as I love her very much, but at the same time I hate what she did to me and I’m afraid it’s going to happen again. I would feel embarrassed to tell my family that the engagement was for nothing after all.
Is this relationship still worth saving?
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You have to leave. I know it’s hard because it’s been 10 years but don’t waste another 10. You’re still young, there’s still plenty of others out there. Plenty who WONT do this to you.
It will happen again.
No.
Dude quit letting yourself get walked on and taken advantage of. Multiple red flags, unrecoverable, “embarrased to tell my family the engagement is off” fucking what. Imagine telling your family that you had all this crazy shit happen, STILL married her, and now are getting divorced.
Usually I’m all like wow, yea all relationships are different and boundaries and etc etc. But this is defacto full stop end it imho
She was planning in her head living her life with another dude and you wanna stay? In your shoes i would reccomend her a good therapist because she seems obsessive and compulsive and id run the fck out. Embrace the pain of heartbreak and take some time to find who YOU truly are as a person without having a girl. Stay alone and single and learn how to love yourself, cuz u clearly dont since ur staying with her. Also who cares what your family thinks about cancelling the engagement. If they truly love you they will be very happy u got out from this marriage and they will 100% support you.
I’m so sorry this is happening but she’s done it twice and put on a facade for you when you expressed wanting to see regret over her decisions… she’s going to continue with this, don’t waste more years of your life on her
Dude what are you doing? Give her her walking papers
She clearly isn’t sorry about betraying you and I don’t see her putting in any effort to earn back your trust. Ask for a few days of space to figure out what you want, but I’d probably advise you to end it at this point.
“Is this relationship still worth saving?”
No, it’s not. It’s time to end it because she has proven she wants someone new. Stop trying to hold onto this old relationship from when you guys were teens! How much longer are you going to stay and keep getting betrayed?
“about having kids and how she wants to have a family with me and be a wonderful wife.”
Of course she does because she’s seeking reasons to stick around. You cannot be this naive.
She had many chances to stop it. Yet ,she choose to do it.
It was a decision.
The best time to leave would have been about five years ago. The second best time is today. You have so much time to meet someone who doesn’t do this.
NO to marriage and kids. Kick her to the curb where she belongs. Once a cheater always a cheater.
It’s tough to see how much this has hurt you and how hard it must be to trust again… but staying in a relationship where emotional betrayal keeps happening might not be the best choice for your future, even though I can see how much you’ve struggled through all of this, still, you deserve someone who won’t make you feel like this again, have you thought about what kind of partner you want to build a family with?
Truthfully, and some might not agree, but the first problem here was “GF of 10 years goes out to bar for girls night out”
I’m not saying your lady shouldn’t have friends or time out. But if their hobbies and get-togethers are nights out at the bar, this is usually intentionally done to be attracting attention and trying to recreate that “free” college drinking feeling. It often doesn’t end well as you can see. It’s on you to draw the line on what boundaries look like for you, and also it’s on her to cut stuff like that out. Especially if it was discussed before and she recognizes it’s not respecting you.
That’s the second problem… the “again” portion. She shouldn’t have been putting you or herself in a position to where she was entertaining another male. The idea that she can have you but play around outside your relationship just enough to not call it physical cheating is bad man, and you don’t deserve that.
I know it’s tough but if she crossed the line, and then crossed it again after you already gave her a shot, she’s likely aware of how much she can get away with and also not comfortable fully admitting to you what her struggles are with looking at others with intent and letting them into your lives.
If you really can’t let her down easy and move on, give it one more shot to get to the root of why she’s doing it. But I don’t think anyone here wants to see you lose more years over suffering like this
This is wrong but why are you reading her diary??!
Tell her you don’t want a family with a cheater and to go pursue that old man
Bro… If it gets bad enough that you have to snoop through her phone/diary, then it’s been over. Got confirmation twice… And still don’t know when to walk away
So is your kink being humiliated and disrespected or no?
If not, maybe find someone else to date.
You are ENGAGED?!
Bro…fuck no.
Once a cheat always a cheat, she thinks she got away with cheating on your 5 years ago and she essentially has, the fact that you’ve forgiven her again for cheating on you yet again shows that you have less respect for yourself than she has for you, please please take an inward look at what you deserve as a person and in a relationship because I’m going to bet it’s a lot better than she will ever give you. Take your ring back and leave her. Simple as that. She will just continue to walk all over you and play behind your back because it’s what she’s like, it’s what gets her off. So let her get off to older guys on the internet that are probably married too. It’s what she wants so let her have it.
She will cheat again. The remorse she showed was fake. You should have dumped her after the first cheating. Do not have sex with her or she will get pregnant to “save the relationship.”