So, the problem for me is that I am already like a open book.
I got nothing to open up about, I don’t stress about stuff. I deal with them, move forward.
All the things that ever came up, I told her about it honestly – without her even asking for it.
She refuses to believe that I don’t got “anything to open up about”.
That’s kinda hindering our relationship, as she is completely sure about the fact that I just refuse to open up and rather just keeping it all to myself.
Which, as said isn’t the case.
It’s getting to a point where I’m getting frustrated and it affects our “emotional intimacy”.
How to proceed here, any advice would be helpful.
Comments
Not everyone carries their pain the same way. If you have been open and honest from day one, then the issue isn’t you being closed off.. It is more her not trusting your way of coping. Emotional intimacy isn’t digging for drama, it is about respecting how the other person lives and feels, even if that is different from you.
She’s wrong to think you’re closed off. You just need to show her the cracks in your armor. Share small feelings because that’s the real key to vulnerability.
When she asks you questions, is she asking you about how you feel about things?
The reason I ask, is that talking about your past and similar issues is one thing, but talking about how you feel about those issues is something completely different.
As you probably know, men and women communicate very differently. Men typically have a very hard time talking about their feelings. And even if they are in touch with their feelings, they have a very hard time expressing themselves. Generally speaking, women do not have this difficulty.
You sound like an Enneagram 9 and she’s probably another type. https://www.enneagraminstitute.com/type-9/
She is looking for ammunition to use on you later.
Don’t fall for it.
She should have a baby! It feels like a part of her needs to take care / support other people’s emotional processes, vulnerabilities, weaknesses… Which is a beautiful maternal trait. She is hoping you would satisfy this part of her.
She is burden shifting her anxiety onto you. It’s a manipulative behavior. Not that she’s a bad person or doing it on purpose, people cope with things different ways. However, this particular thing she is doing is damaging your trust because she is demanding that you meet an impossible standard. Once you dig something up, the goal post will move further. It is exhausting to experience and there is nothing you can do to fix it alone. She needs therapy. You can offer couples counseling, might help.
ask her what she wants you to say? do you want me to make up stuff or is it that unbelivable that im pretty peaceful in my current endeavours there will be strife and I will bring it up to you when it happens.
Honestly it sounds like she wants to be needed and feels guilty or bad that she feels theres nothing to help you with
I have things in my life, that I am 100% closed off. That’s likely never going to change. She can know such things exist within me, but must accept I am not going to just open up, and talk to her about it.
I’ve opened up about things not near as deep, and had it used against me, and had her instantly lose respect for me. Not repeating those mistakes.
Don’t get me wrong, sometimes life does get real hard, and you need to deal with these things from time to time. So you talk to another guy who understands, or you go to a professional.
Now once you are married, hopefully you can trust your wife won’t be that way. A girlfriend hasn’t earned that.
“How to proceed here, any advice would be helpful.”
Make some shit up. If you need any story ideas, let me know.