I have a dog that’s on the older side at 9 years old and a few weeks ago it lost the use of its back legs. I had to get surgery for him because I was not getting him put down. All in all it came to £8.5k, all of which I had to pay out of pocket for.
This wasn’t a huge problem because I have plenty saved up and in general I am well off.
Here’s the issue, my girlfriend’s sister has been struggling with rent. Apparently she’s behind by a few months and panicking about being kicked out. When my girlfriend found out what I paid for the surgery she got really upset with me and said I was selfish. Her words were along the lines of, “You’d spend eight grand on a dog but you won’t even help my sister keep a roof over her head?”
Since then my girlfriend has been pissed off with me and keeps calling me cheap and selfish for not helping her sister. I feel like I shouldn’t have to suffer for another person’s poor life choices. The reason her sister is in this predicament is because her relationship fell apart and she’s living in a place she can’t afford.
Further to that, I own a 4 bedroom home and my girlfriend suggested her sister moving in with us, but I refused.
I don’t want my girlfriend to be mad with me, and I want to make it up but I also don’t want to give into all of her demands. What can I do to repair this?
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Why didnt u help the sister??
Brother shes using you as an ATM
Your values are clearly different here.
Your girlfriend prioritises her family over you(possibly) and you prioritise yourself over her family. There’s no way around this unless you 2 can come to a consensus on what should matter to the 2 of you.
Personal take? I wouldn’t pay for her sister’s rent either. It’s HER sister’s problem that she’s choosing to make it as her problem. But my dog is MY dog and I’m taking responsibility for it.
I can understand not giving the sister rent money, but you can’t find room at the 4-bed inn for a bit??
“I am responsible for my dog. I am not responsible for your sister. My dog cannot help themselves; your sister can. If you are so concerned about your sister, I would support whatever efforts you would like to take to help her yourself.”
I’d say the easiest difference here is the dog is your responsibility, a grown ass woman isn’t. If she can’t afford her rent, she needs to move. Stay with family or friends until she can find a better situation.
I can understand helping her family because they’re her family, but that’s not an obligation. You don’t even have that obligation to your own family, in reality. (Minus kids)
You paying for your dog but not wanting to pay her sisters rent is perfectly reasonable. If she’s been struggling for months, then she’s had months to find a better, more affordable living situation. She obviously hasn’t, and expecting you to cover her expenses is wrong, in my opinion.
If your gf wants to help her sister, she should, with her own money. That being said, there may not be a way to reconcile here, it’s gonna come down to a hard conversion about your financial boundaries and if she can accept that you aren’t obligated to help her family just because she wants you to.
I dont know what her relationship is like with her sister, or what your relationship is with her either. If shes helping her out and has asked you to before, it is a bit selfish of you imo. Especially with your phrase ‘ why should I suffer because of a poor person’s life choices ‘. Thats a wild thing to say.
I think family is really important and I know for myself if my brother, or my boyfriends brother were in the same predicament both of us would help them out. Whether it is our own blood relative or not. I think of course spend whatever money you want on your dog or where ever. But I would find it really hard to forgive/ reconcile with someone who wouldn’t see my family as an extension of theirs. Im not saying the solution is for the sister to move in with you, but shit things happen in life all the time. My idea of family is to be there and support each other and I would want my partner to share those values. I think fundamentally of you dont see eye to eye on that, there is a big incompatibility issue.
I appreciate how you think youre helping your dog. But its quality of life cant be great. I think keeping him alive is more for you than him.
She forgets, your dog IS family to you. Yes your girlfriend’s sister is in financial trouble for HER choices. I can understand why you wouldn’t let her move in, because you’d never get her to move out, and you’re probably end up “carrying” her financially.
Remind me again why you’re still with her if this is how she treats you? Revisit the whole relationship, because she sounds like a heap of stress you REALLY don’t need.
Paying for your dog who can’t help himself or pay for himself is one thing.
Paying for an adult human who should be able to get themselves out of this situation is another.
With no details on why they’re short on rent, I have no choice but to assume it’s because of fiscal mismanagement. In other words, they dug this hole and can get themselves out. Your dog did not.