Basically what it says in the title. To go into further detail, sometimes she’s (26F)just an overall exhausting person to be around when she gets into that particular mood. I (27M) really do love her and I want to be with her but sometimes I just can’t deal with everything being some sort of insurmountable obstacle or disaster, even teaching her how to play some new video game is exhausting at times because everything is just “too overwhelming”, and something as simple as getting her through changing settings on Discord can be enough to put her into an intensely depressed mood which she herself has described as “suicidal”. To clarify, I don’t think she would have ACTUALLY done anything suicidal, more of an “I’m gonna kms” type moment, but still.
I want to be a good boyfriend and be there for her when she needs me, as these moments are infrequent enough as to not ruin the entire relationship and I do like being with her, but when they do happen they just wreck my own mood and my patience drops to 0. What can I do to get around this? She has been undergoing therapy for years for a number of things but in all honesty, I can’t tell if it’s doing anything as we’ve only been dating a few months at this point. Another thing to add is that she does have some combination of autism and ADHD, and I myself am also autistic, but clearly of a different sort since the non-routine doesn’t tend to bother me much.
TL;DR: My girlfriend has next to no capacity for anything unexpected or outside of the routine, and it’s straining my patience despite my best efforts.
Comments
Does she have adhd or autism?
If you are thinking about somebody potentially being your life partner, you two aren’t just going to be together when things are great. You are also going to be together when one of you is depressed or sick or having a bad day or going through the worst year of your life. If your partner lacks resiliency or makes huge problems out of mundane issues, that’s going to have a significant effect on the happiness of your life. We all have our bad moments/days/week/months, but the frequency of those things and how your partner responds to them is an important consideration. You two have been dating for a few months and things are already at this point where you’re frustrated with this dynamic. You can either spend several months/years waiting to see if there is improvement or how much you can tolerate, or you can go find somebody who is already more like the person you’re hoping to wind up with.
You care about her, but her constant catastrophizing is draining. Set boundaries, support her therapy, but protect your own mental health too