Basically i only make my girlfriend pay me $300 a month to help out with utilities, toilet paper, paper towels.. etc.
I pay my own $800 mortgage and most the food. I don’t make her pay the mortgage since it’s not her house. She recently lost her job over a month ago and claims that she can’t pay me due to waiting for checks but can still go to the dispensary and buy $20-30 dollars of weed. This has happened twice now where she can’t pay $300 but can buy weed. I told her if it happens a third time I’m done with her.
I confront her about it and she claims it’s only $20-30 dollars worth and if she had the money to pay me for bills she would. I tell her the dollar amount is not the point, the point is that she claims she has no money to help me out but still has enough for weed.
I was always taught to handle your responsibilities and if they aren’t handled don’t spend it on extra things you don’t need.
Thoughts?
Comments
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Where is she getting the $20-30 in the first place?
Anyway, sounds like you’re going to be much happier without her when you inevitably break up because weed is more important than responsibilities.
Unless she’s buying it for chronic pain or other medical reasons never date a pot head.
Your girlfriend is trying to mooch off you. Stand your ground on this.
if she has $20-30 dollars to buy weed on multiple occasions, she has $20-30 to save over the course of a few months to pay you back. she’s being selfish when you guys live together which isn’t fair. imagine what happens if she does this in the future if you get married, have kids/pets, and more financial obligations. if she can’t live without weed, you sure as hell can live without her.
She lost her job over a month ago, but has she made any attempts to get another one? You are entitled to feeling very frustrated over your imbalanced living situation and what is clearly her decision to take advantage of you. I am in complete agreement that it is not about the money per se, but the message.
Take the time to re-evaluate everything about the relationship and her, whether you are truly compatible, and whether this is the only issue. It feels as if she is extremely immature for her age, selfish and lacking in both respect to you and to herself.
Most people of quality would not allow themselves to take advantage of someone like this and certainly would feel discomfort being a freeloader.
She will ask for weed money soon or loan her some $$$ haha bolt !!! It will not get better in time
If she has enough for weed, she has enough for bills
You’re a butler and an ATM.
Even if she had a job… I think she is still getting a wicked deal by only paying $300 a month to live somewhere.
I know its your house and the money goes to your mortgage. But I hate this modern day belief where as soon as someone owns a property, the other is entitled to dirt cheap living. Its honestly BS IMO.
Reason is… If neither of you owned the place… Its now 50/50 split and she would be expected to pay probably $800+ / mo to live somewhere for shared living.
So, the fact you own the property… Obviously take it into consideration. But I don’t believe that automatically means the other person should be given a hand out and live for free.
She can go live on her own elsewhere and pay $1200 in rent. Have fun with that. Paying $600 a month to your partners mortgage looks hell of a lot more appetizing than paying $1200 renting an apartment for yourself.
So, bumping up her rent to something like $500+ I think is completely reasonable. Both of you benefit from it. She lives somewhere at a severely discounted price, and you get the help with your mortgage.
I honestly don’t care who owns what. To see someone only have to pay $300 a month to have a roof over their head is basically a free ride. I don’t like that shit.
If I was paying off my mortgage, I think I would expect the other to pay more than $300 bucks. Otherwise, I rather just live with a roommate who I can charge 800 for the basement and be better off financially.
The weed.. I agree with you. Bills first. Luxury second. Get your ass a job and pull your weight before you have fun. However, I do give room for both sides of it.
I do have to give some grace for the recent job loss. Its a pain in the ass to find a new one and can take several months. I would expect it to be a full time attention job hunt. If I saw that, I could give room for the person trying to bridge the gaps by spending a bit on weed to get through the job hunt journey.
Absolutely not.
She’s a leach. She does have the money, and if she doesn’t then where is the weed coming from? I’m not being funny but there’s only 4 ways to buy drugs.
You pay for it
You do the dealer a favour (e.g running or some other sort of criminal activity)
You sleep with the dealer
You get it on tick/lay
If she’s not paying then she’s either shagging the dealer or running up a massive tick, and if that dealer knows where she lives it’ll be your house they come to looking to collect. And they won’t care that you didn’t use the drugs. They’ll make you pay for it or worse.
Don’t wait for her to not pay you again. Break up with her and get her out of your house, change the locks and get a ring doorbell or some sort of camera installed.
If you have to pay her way, what are you getting out of it? Is she at home. Cooking meals, Cleaning, taking care of kids, and giving you great sex whenever you want it at least?
If you fighting about money how, and threatening her to end things, what will happen later on?
Bills and other obligations come before luxuries, and unless it’s medicinal, weed is absolutely a luxury. Sit down with her and go over expenses, both shared like food and utilities, and individual like phones, and figure out a fair amount based on her income. Then draw up an agreement on paper that lays it all out, as well as spelling out penalties for missed payments, and have her sign it.
She’s a freeloader
My dad was like this, he made his father buy him the house, he’d pay hundreds of dollars for weed and new tech and then tell my grandfather he couldn’t pay “rent” this month.
I’d be more annoyed that she’s got a new job and still isn’t contributing than I would about her buying weed.
She might only be your girlfriend and not your wife but if you want to play house with someone then you make yourself responsible for them if they hit financial difficulties. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to spend 20-30 here and there when you’re unemployed even if you’re not able to meet financial commitments 10 times greater than that. After all, there has to be some harmony between the living standards of all people living as a family, your girlfriend can’t be eating beans and rice and crying herself to sleep whilst you order restaurant meals for dinner and impulse buy yourself shit off Amazon.
I think you need to spend less time judging the worthiness of the things she buys and more time asking her why exactly she can’t contribute as usual when she was only out of work for two days.
You know the answer. Kick her out.
I agree with peeps in the comments. She is being selfish by assuming that because YOU can make payments, that she doesn’t have to contribute her weed money to you. It may be a good idea to consider breaking it off. Sounds like she’ll just end up mooching off of you and you’ll just grow more and more resentful. Not worth it.
She’s 29. Time to grow up and stop getting stoned everyday. Even if she can’t pay you the full $300 she should be giving you that money. Not a dispensary so she can get blasted. Not cute. Not cool.
What was the agreement when you both moved in? Do you have any paperwork with her on it?
IF shes working part time she has money and just isnt telling you that. Its really easy to live on part time checks when you dont pay any bills and food is bought for you. Shes living off of you so she can sit on her ass and chief up weed all day. Most everyday smokers go thru an eighth of greens (30 bucks) inna few days easy. Better put the kibosh on it now other wise youll be the breadwinner even if you dont want to be and she’ll just have to sleep with you every now and then to keep things smooth in the home hahahahahaha. I went thru it personally bro. What’s really shitty is in this era we live in most women want the men to pay the bills when in a relationship. My ex and I tried that whole 50/50 thing and she couldn’t afford her rent or bill and never could pay the full half. We lived together for a few months after separating and i made her fully split the bills Lol when we separated and she was finally moving out I found out that she owed over 2000 in back rent that she wasnt paying. Which I was stuck with paying because I was still living there and even tho both names were on the lease I had to catch it up to avoid getting a eviction on my record. Ohh and there was 600 on put electricity bill backed up also. I could have taken her to small claims court but its a pain in the ass to prove being everything was shared in both our names and I needed to work as much as i could to get everything caught up. Lesson learned. Don’t make my same mistake brother. If she really wanted to be helpful she would give you what she could. Even if it was only 50 bucks outta every check. It all helps. She would understand that and be willing to do that in the least. Sounds like you ended up with a roommate sleep with buddy 😂
This is a red flag. Do you want to START like this?
But is the weed medicinal? I use medicinal cannabis oil for chronic pain (ehlers-danlos syndrome) and insomnia – I couldn’t function without it, really. I went years cycling between sucking up the pain, using opiates and feeling sick from them, and trying NSAID after NSAID hoping they’d do something, and it didn’t work. But the oil does. It improves my quality of life HUGELY. For me, it is just as necessary as any other medication (and it’s $400 for a month’s worth, for me) and it would be unfair to malign it just because it’s “weed”. Maybe your gf doesn’t need it for medicinal purposes, but if she does, I would be asking if you would react the same way if she was buying $30 of ibuprofen a month.
Addiction is tough, man. Yes, people say you can’t get addicted to weed, but you can to the feeling. Go easy, maybe find out why she needs to get high in the first place. I have my reasons for drinking, but I’m not broke. I have tried to go without, and it is hard. Dry January sucked.
I understand your frustration but maybe the weed is like her only escape after a shitty day of work and all her problems. We all deserve to have releases and based on your post it sounds like she’s going through a difficult time (getting fired).
Lots of folks are trying to make this about the weed, but it just comes down to the fact that she’s not contributing towards living expenses. It doesn’t matter what she’s spending 30 bucks on what matters is the fact that she’s a grown person with a job that can’t (won’t) give you $300 to help with expenses. Simply tell her you can’t afford for her to live there rent free anymore.