She’s been living with stage 4 cancer since she was 28, and she is now 41. I say that because that is her reasoning for not wanting to work full time. She says she has a lot going on bodily, that she doesn’t want to spend her time working. I’m 9 years younger than her (we met when I was 28 and she was 37), and I work full time and for a while was providing for both of us. I do not make a lot of money, and her parents support her shortcomings financially. I want to build a life with her, but I don’t see how that will be possible if she refuses to do anything but small part time work. I am not wealthy, and will never be. She is constantly stressed about money, but has no desire to work to change it. She has the opportunity to have a full time job at 28 an hour, but is going to squander the opportunity because she doesn’t want to work full time. She has had no sign of disease for almost a decade now. She takes chemo daily and does infusion once a month. I’m not sure what to do. I don’t see how things are going to get better for us if we are just constantly scraping by, and I’m the only one working full time trying to support us. Her parents pay for a lot on her end, but they aren’t going to be around forever, and I genuinely don’t know what she will do when they are gone. I just need advice on how to tackle this. It’s hard to push someone to work when they are living with cancer. She’s not dying, and she hasn’t died, and has managed it for a little over a decade. How do I convey to her the importance of working to help us build a living? I can handle not having kids of my own with her, but her unwillingness to work puts a damper on my drive to get married. I just don’t know what to do. I can’t blame her, I’ve got my own issues, but it’s not cancer.
Girlfriend does not want to get a full time job, but is constantly stressed about money.
r/Advice
Comments
Love won’t build a life if only one of you is holding the weight. If she won’t step up you’ll be crushed under it.
Love can’t survive on compassion alone it also needs share responsibility. If she refuses to help build the life you’re both living in, you’ll eventually burn out carrying both her dreams and her bills.
Based only on the title, ditch her.
Reminds me of a lazy gf a good friend of mine had. She was salty that they didn’t have much money, but didn’t bother to get to work on time and would lose one or two days of pay because of that. She was a timber lady. But then when he worked more overtime for extra money she bitched that he is not at home or takes too long to install something.
Quote: Her: I want it to look nice here. Me: *looking around and thinking: “Grab a broom and start cleaning. Remove the paint blobs on the floor and make it clean.”*
I wish I had told her to the face.
I felt skeptical if someone could live with stage 4 cancer for that long. Turns out it’s actually possible. Chemo does wear out the body heavily, so her excuse is understandable. Having said this, she shouldn’t complain or stress out over money without the ability to contribute
It’s possible for her to help out by joining clinical trials for her type of cancer. People are often compensated for this, plus there are better odds she can get rid of it forever. However, you have to suggest this with the most utmost tact. Try getting a brochure and putting it where she can see it
Underlying this – if this is your future do you really want it to be?
Her diagnosis is something she is living with. Cancer treatments can take an ongoing toll on her body, but she needs to start living her life. Stressing about money while doing nothing to change her situation is just unnecessary stress.
I would respectfully suggest that she tries working full-time for a few months and sees how it works out. She will be exhausted at first – FT work is tiring! – but she will see the difference the pay-checks make, and the more she does the more she will be able to do.
Her parents still can’t see past her diagnosis, but many cancers can now be successfully managed even if not removed completely. Ten years of stability is remarkable. Her oncology team should be supporting her move to FT work if she is physically capable of it.
If she refuses to even try it then I don’t really see a future for you guys.
It’s okay to move on. If you have different views of your futures, it makes sense to do so. 💙