I don’t remember how we got on the topic of body’s counts. But we had never talked about it before. I was surprised to find out she’s been with 6 dudes. It made my stomach turn. I told her “ i don’t care about being your first I care about being her best, this is kinda bothering me, so let’s talk about something else” And she said “ well I’m not gonna lie to you, can’t say that you’re the best, your not that experienced, but it’s ok you’ll get better”. Which is crazy cause last night I made her orgasm 3 times till her stomach started cramping. So i guess she’s been faking and lying or her ex been doing some wild shit. I honestly don’t know what to think. I really love her but now I feel insecure. We’ve been together for 12 months. She’s moved on from the discussion, but I don’t know if I should?
Comments
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We’d like to take this time to remind users that:
We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users “friend-zoned”, referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me’s, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don’t get a free pass.
Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.
If you have any questions, please message the mods
This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
Practice makes perfect.
Communication also makes or breaks relationships, ask her what she likes, have her guide you more, talk WHILE fucking, ask her for input and guidance.
Many girls had that ex that was amazing in bed. Sure, she said that weren’t as good as him, but she also said that you’ll get better with time. Instead of dwelling on the fact that you’re not as good in bed as her ex, celebrate the fact that you’re not the ex, and have (most likely) gotten her to finish multiple times.
You got this homie.
I’m going to give you some painful advice.. Body count of 6 at 19? Sounds like bad judgement. Best to send her to the streets and find a better girl. Take emotions out of it. You’re her safe option. She’s eventually get bored of you and drop you for Chad and you’ll be reeling even more. Look at all the research. More bodies on women equate to less happiness and more divorce. It’s best you learned this now though so you don’t end up like the rest of us who fell in love, overlooked the red flags, and we’re destroyed.
Constructive criticism is always worthwhile. But….she has to offer it, not just suggest that you’ll get better with age. Comparing you to a prior lover is understandable — in her head — but not really useful for you. You don’t know what that guy did or didn’t do, after all; she does.
Crazy disrespectful. Add that into the bit where she sleeps around a ton, and you need to get the fuck out of there.
Crazy disrespectful. Add that into the bit where she sleeps around a ton, and you need to get the fuck out of there.
The fact that she openly admitted to you that her ex was better is a bit concerning. That’s something you should never do in a relationship because it can cause insecurity, which it has in this case. My guess is these orgasms you think you’re giving her are most likely good theatre.
Well maybe you could ask her what you can do to be better, there is nothing wrong with having that convo with each-other it’s quite healthy to do so, probably I would never even ask that question, but I think I’d rather be told the truth than lied too.
Yeah, you tried to give her an out to the conversation that could have ended badly for her and instead chose to stab you in the dick verbally.
I’m not certain how you recover from that, especially since it seems she’s absolutely unapologetic and has not offered any real genuine constructive feedback if there’s something she wants in bed that she’s not getting.
And let’s be honest here., sometimes there are just situations that create more drama or intensity because of the scenario involved that you may not be able to or want to repeat.
It certainly seems like she doesn’t respect you very much.
She is young so she probably doesn’t realise what she is saying is hurtful. But that is a horrible thing to say, and even if she really thought that, she could at least communicate with you and tell you what she likes in the bedroom and at least experiment a bit more with you. I would run, I’m a woman and I’m telling you this. My current partner luckily made me feel good from the start and since I communicated things I always wanted to try and he listened it’s never been better! She could at least tell you what she doesn’t like and what she likes so she gives you a chance to listen and improve on those things. Run
get good?
Can you imagine telling a woman that your exes were better in bed and then gaslighting her into pretending that it was a nbd comment to make?
God she sounds awful. At those numbers, she’ll be charging for bj’s at the corner market when she’s 25. There’s always more fish.
Sounds like she’s been looking for a reason to dump this on you all along. Dump her. No woman would think this is ok to do to them.
Honestly you’re just her 7th. It doesn’t sound like you two match well in terms of values and energy, and she is way too casual about it all. If you went a relationship with someone on the same page, look elsewhere.
Nope. Girl bye. You didn’t ask if you were her best, she told you that you weren’t.
Massive red flag alert unless you’re into constant drama.
She sounds like she got defensive about the body count and thought a good deflection would be to insult your ability in bed. Always can’t help but think her tummy “cramps” were an excuse to you to stop.
Also suspect you’re in for the endless stream of males being used to provoke you. She could use them as tools to inflate her already low self.
Unfortunately all this exposes her lack of character, not yours.
lol this has to be fake
If she thinks her ex was better than you, you should cut your losses and find a new girl.
Yeah you couldn’t have water boarded that out of me. Those are inside thoughts. But i guess that’s what you get when you date a teenager
This is just immaturity. It’s super rude to talk about past sex partners, in the future I recommend you not engage in that kind of conversation. I think you can probably do better than this girl.
Don’t ask questions you don’t want to know the answer to . Going down body count discussions and how good you are then being judgey isn’t smart.
Making the comment that you are the best or inviting her to comment is asking for trouble
What is the other person expected to say ?
She answered it honestly trying to say you were her choice and she indicated that she wants you two to get better and better
Leave your ego at the door and do that
The only reason someone would say that is to intentionally hurt you. That’s fucked dude
Your gf sounds very immature. That’s giving her the benefit of the doubt. Otherwise, she’s just cruel.
Next
Well that relationship was fun while it lasted…
Dude, you can ask for what she likes, and go from there. A sort of hands on feedback.
It was immature for her to say it to you that way but your response can be mature. Tell her you thought about her statement and that it stung that she didn’t consider how you might feel hearing it that way. However, you’d like to know from her what you could improve on. Maybe it’s foreplay, actual penetration, after care, etc… whatever you do, do not talk back or get defensive, just listen. If you’re asking for advice on how to be a better lover, listening is key. Communication is key to be a good sexual partner.
Happy sexing!
Its basic etiquette. The one you’re with is always the best.
She’s acting immaturely. How is something like that ever going to be taken well? If someone said that to me I’d never get over it.
I have more long-term experience than my bf but that means nothing as he’s much better in bed in imo. He hints to find out about stuff but I never talk about sex, size etc of exs. I big him up but no way would I do that by putting someone else down. Nor would I ever put him down. Although he always says he’ll get better. I let him know what’s great about what we do.
When I was younger I wanted to know the ‘body count’ this time I am totally uninterested. Again why have the convo? It’s never made me feel good small or large.
Just read the title. Advice? Get better. And keep in mind the golden rule of chess: you can only get better by playing a better opponent. Time for some practice, I reckon. Is her mom single, by chance? How about, sister? Yeah, I’d start there
6=12
I’m not cool talking about sex with an ex. I’m not sharing as I think it is disrespectful to the ex and I don’t want to hear about my SO former partners. The only thing I want to know is if they are still in contact and a heads up if we are going to or randomly bump into one. If she wants to discuss our sex life and what will make it better, go for it. You need that because every partner has different things that work best for them, and you can’t read each others minds. The rest? Nope
You started off concerned about her body count which is always a dickish, misogynistic move by an insecure guy.
She’s WITH YOU. FOR REASONS. FOR A YEAR. Would you rather have no personality worth returning to maybe like some of the other guys? Or need to get her so drunk, she was really uninhibited and let herself just feel great sensations and not be all in her head about “Where is this going? Is he the one?”?
Her response wasn’t sensitive or thoughtful and a non-teenager would have known better. When I was a third my current age, I said a thing or two to different GFs which, after I said it, I regretted it and learned to never say that to anyone ever again, but I wasn’t born knowing it nor did it get covered in any class I took.
That she expects you to get better is good. My second and third lovers were thankful my first lover (they’d all met) had told me what she wanted and how she wanted it (she’d been with 7 or 8 before me), basically insisting on my doing what she enjoyed.
Your GF is likely faking many of those orgasms. Most 19Fs do. Few 23Ms notice. Reference: goggle the “diner scene When Harry met Sally”. Hard to fake: Sweaty palms and soles of feet? Change in vaginal muscle tone?
75% of women can’t climax from PIV (penis in vagina) alone. Most need more intense clitoral stimulation like from a tongue or fingers or better yet, a vibrator. Even the women who can come from PIV usually take longer than men do to climax.
Tell her you’d love pointers. Maybe have a goal of one new request or fine tuning each session.
How does a lesbian hold her liquor? (licker)? By the ears. Getting steered around to what she wants and listening closely for grunts and pants that are honestly conveying her excitement so you can up / down, softer, etc, is really sexy IME.
And, if young guys need one piece of advice, it’s often: when what you’re doing is working, KEEP DOING IT. Don’t speed up or go harder. That’s what your dick wants, but for most women, keep doing exactly what you’ve been doing.
Just get out of there. You can do better.
You tried to deflect from the conversation, she pushed it more to make you know she thinks her ex is better. Here is the thing, though, from a performance side or etc, if you make her feel good and have a good quality of sex together, then physically its not likely her ex was giving it to her that much better. It’s more likely she was just into the sex more with one of her exes because of the way he made her feel or her being more attracted to him. That is the issue here. She is saying there is a quality of sex she is used to and that you aren’t up to par. This is good reason to break things off for you, you can do better than this girl and you dont deserve to have some chick tell you that youre not her best and etc. Just find a new girl.
Gonna tell you from experience, it’s probably best you ditch her and find someone better than that. Nobody wants to hear that shit from their partner. Super disrespectful, idc of its the truth. But yeah, that will always be on your mind or at least it would be for me. Once you get those thoughts in your head about your partner it’s hard to get them out, especially since she’s the one that told you it.
And I wouldn’t listen to any woman replying to this post, of course they’ll tell you to get over it. But they’re not men so they won’t know how bad that is to hear from your partner.. That’s like them saying they would be ok with their husband telling them that girl they saw is way hotter than them but it’s OK because if they workout they’ll get hotter as they lose weight. 😂 They would never say that, as a matter of fact if they posted something like they they would be told to leave that man.
Bro she’s a trash person, keep fucking her for sure but start looking for someone with a little class