Gonna try to summarise this as best as i can. When we got together one year ago, I felt like something was off about her. She never talked or asked me anything and I thought she needed more time to open up. Having sex was always very uncomfortable because I always had to initiate it, she never initiated anything. I had to decide what to do, what we’re gonna eat, etc etc.
After 7 months into the relationship she finally confessed to me that she’s been hiding her character a lot out of fear of me not liking her, so she basically never asked me anything too much, never said her opinion too much. It basically felt like I was together with a lifeless doll. After she told me that, we had a long conversation about this and she promised me to open up more. Things have been going good since then, I felt a more genuine connection and I was happy she opened up more. Having sex still didn’t feel comfortable cause it felt like it was still very fake and forced.
2 weeks ago I told her I’m still very uncomfortable during sex, and she confessed to me that shes been lying to me for the entire year. She lied to me about having orgasms (she NEVER had a single orgasm during sex with me). She faked her orgasms all the time and she made me believe that she came multiple times. She lied about her past relationships, she told me she had 3, even though I was her first. She never had a relationship before me. She lied about having an ADHD diagnosis, she lied about having seen a dead body, she lied about being alone in the woods as a child, she lied about being good at work even though her boss was upset with her. The orgasm thing is the worst for me personally because she made up entire stories to make me believe that I’m so good in bed. The worst part is her telling me all of this AFTER i asked. I dont know when she would have told me had I never asked. She had so many opportunities to tell me all of this, we talked so often about honest things. I cant trust her at all and I feel like I’m breaking just being around her. My only instinct is to break up, but I know that a good person forgives. She’s in therapy now and she wants to get better, so she tells me. She realized her mistakes. I don’t know what to do, because I really feel trapped. I never really felt connected to her because she was fake from the very beginning, and now I don’t even know if I can be my true self around her, even if she changes.
I appreciate every thought anyone has. Thank you:)
TL;DR: my girlfriend lied about having partners before me and she faked all her orgasms for 1 year. My trust is gone.
Comments
A good person forgives, yes, but “forgiving” does not mean staying in a relationship. You can forgive her for lying about, yknow, EVERYTHING and also then move on to someone you can trust to tell you the truth.
People do not go from telling constant lies to telling none. She is 100% still lying to you about many things, and she will CONTINUE to do so until she makes a lot of progress in therapy – 6+ months of constant effort, minimum.
Honestly, you shouldn’t have stayed in the beginning with someone you didn’t feel connected to. You knew this was a bad match then, and it’s a bad match now.
Most of this is really weird but I’m just going to let you know now, so you know for the rest of your life, regardless of what you decide, many, many women fake orgasms, it’s just what they do. You’re going to have to make peace with it.
>she lied about having seen a dead body,
lol how did that even come up in conversation
Rule number 1 – never ask about past. It’s irrelevant. Shape your future as you want.
Why is it important that she lied to you ab being in the woods as a child??
OP, you have felt things were off from the beginning, and now that the little trust you had is gone, I don’t know what you can do to fix that. At least she has told you the truth now. Are you her first intimate partner? Are you her first gf? I would fake orgasms w my partners when I was younger, bc I didn’t want to hurt their feelings, maybe she was doing the same or has never had an orgasm period. If you want to work this out with her, y’all can talk ab what the other likes in bed etc.