My girlfriend and I have been together for almost three years. While staying out of town with her cousins for about five nights, she called me and told me that the night before she was playing truth or dare with her cousins and her cousins friends. One of the guy friends dated another guy friend to kiss her and they kissed. I asked if it was a peck and she said he put his tongue in her mouth. I am having such a hard time wrapping my mind around how she could do this to me after I’ve worked so hard to fight insecurities around cheating due to an ex I had who cheated on me in the past. She was yawning the whole phone call because she said she’d had barely slept in two days and she sounded disheveled. She said she’d been crying to her cousins a lot yesterday and trying to figure out why she thought it was okay. I know her well, and I know she feels bad. I haven’t seen her ever cry like this. I know someone who cheated can feel bad. But how do I know she won’t do it again? It feels like I just met her because I had so much trust instilled in her while her and her cousins would go out to bars, clubs etc. I don’t think it would happen again, but I didn’t think it would happen in the first place. I just feel so sad about it all, I feel like trust has been broken and I feel humiliated that it happened in front of ten people including her cousins. I feel humiliated that she made that decision at all. Any advice on how to move forward if I do give her a second chance? It’s so hard to just move on because I love her, how do I ensure she loves me?
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Let her go dude. She does not want to be in a relationship. She cheated on you in front of a bunch of people dude.
I feel very similar to you with my situation. Wishing you the best I hope others have good insight when feeling like this
Everyone will tell you to immediately break up and yes that would be the best decision because if she did it once she will most likely do it again. She betrayed your trust and it wont be same. You wont trust her and will question everything she does. But decision is only up to you if you can move on and try again. Why did she even do it, did you ask her? Was she drunk or what (doesnt change a lot but still a small factor). Awful thing from her especially after 3 years together….
She cheated. From experience, trust me it’s better to just leave. Wish I would have done so sooner.
It does not matter if it was truth or dare. The dare involves the consent of another individual. She had every right to reject that kiss. There was always a choice.
Run 🚩🚩🚩
I feel once the trust is gone then it’s pretty much done for, I always see people say everyone is quick to say break up but I think when it comes to cheating there isn’t any other option
I’d love to actually hear from someone who has stayed after a partner cheated and made it work as I can’t see how you could ever regain that trust, I’ve heard people say it’s a long process of regaining that trust over time but as I say I feel once that line has been crossed there is no way I would be able to believe them
Her answer wasn’t immediately “not happening. I have a BF” so it’s easy to understand why you’d feel betrayed. For me, I would never be able to trust her again, no matter how long we’d been together. Sorry to hear this man 😔
I’d honestly say just leave her, especially if she knew about your past , she probably wasn’t even considering you in the moment.
“Babe you don’t get it, I was DARED to tongue kiss this guy, I couldn’t say no”
Fuck all that
It was a game. Keep it in context. This is something that has now been clarified as a line you both know can’t be crossed in the future.
There will always be learning times. Let this be a learning moment and expect her to stay in bounds going forward. People need the ability to grow beyond mistakes. A kiss in a game with group pressure can be considered somewhat minor of an error in judgement.
(I’m not expecting most in this group to agree with my premise. What I am saying is you have the choice to make this a relationship ending mistake or not. And you should not be told there is only one good option. Chose for yourself.)
In front of everyone… that just proves how much she values you, especially if that group of people know you (or at least someone from the group, her cousin must know 100%), she disrespected you and just showed everyone how much you are important to her (you’re not.) Please for your own sake, leave her and don’t come back. I know it sounds stupid, but you will find a girl who will value you and won’t disrespect you and devalue you in front of people like you’re some dog on the street
Its over bro
This is one of those rough scenarios where she cheated and regrets it but if you accept her back she may also lose respect for you for taking her back after such a violation of your trust. I would end it and if things are meant to be reconnect with her and see where both of you stand.
Yep, let her go bro. You’re young, so is she.
Edit: Also… at 22 she should know better. This is like 16 year old level shit.
If you were in the same situation would you have kissed some random girl for a dare? I can say that I know I wouldn’t because I love my girlfriend. In my opinion you should leave now before it escalates.
The best advice I’ve seen on here is to read your post like you’re reading someone else’s post. What advice would you give them? Your answer to that question is most likely the best solution for you.
It’s not just your partner, her cousins, and friends that dared her, or didn’t speak up, also doesn’t respect your relationship. If they convinced her once, they’ll try to do it again. It’s best to let her go, as hard as that is. That’s the kind of people she keeps around her
Balls in your court, you can turn this to something that is shared between you two you could also turn this into a kink you may not be the most healthy thing, but it could sure be a lot of fun. Instead of making her feel bad make her feel beautiful lift her up and make her the person that she wants to come home too no matter what and who cares about all the other shit.
She didn’t get kissed she was a willing participant and I’d consider that crossing boundaries into cheating. Unless she stops crying and actually does something to show she is earnest, like going sober it will be hard to come back form. That and she has publicly embarrassed you in front of family and you will have to deal with the fallout from that forever if you stay with her. Love isn’t enough for a relationship to be good and you need to ask for some space and consider what you want to, while doing that ask her to make an action plan she will start to live in practice if you do give her another chance to earn back your trust.
To break even with her, locate the random dude and have him to put his tongue in your mouth then tell her what you did. Then decide if you two can salvage the relationship and move forward.
Let her go, she has 0 respect for your relationship. What’s next strip poker? If your girl is okay with being put in these situations you need to leave her.
My dude, this is a GIFT!
Tell her the only way you can over it is a MFF threesome. You may not get another chance like this. Don’t squander it.
Sounds like your trust for her is gone along with her respect for you
Only reason she told you is because there were bunch of other people there and you could have found out from them.
Crocodile tears and she being ”open” to tell the truth and being remorseful is just an act. Don’t fall for it.
Time for a new girlfriend the one you have now is trash and she’s not loyal the sooner you move the sooner you could be with someone else that won’t cheat on you
Please run
Like in every cheater’s story, i believe they did more than just this.
Cheaters always lie and minimize what they did so they think their partner can forgive them and not leave them.
If they knew she had a bf, why would they have dared her to do that, if not to break the relationship.
Right now, you know she broke your trust and disrespected you, you know you can’t trust anything she says even if you really want to.
Being in a relationship is also not putting yourself in ambiguous situations were your relationship is at risk, you don’t that kind of kid’s game, in respect of your relationship.
Maybe she’s still too immature to understand this and to be in a serious relationship.
Good thing the dare wasn’t for her let the dude bone her /s
Dump her. Committed partners don’t stick their tongues in someone else’s mouth.
Are you sure a kiss is where it ended? Leaving your emotions behind, do you, in your heart of hearts, feel 100% certain that it was only a kiss? If you can’t answer those questions with a resounding yes, it’s time to move on. You are too young to spend the rest of your life wondering if she did more or has the propensity to cheat in the future.
I…… don’t buy this. so wait she consented in the kiss, it went as far as tonguing eachother, and she then spent two days crying? any chance she could be trickle truthing? her reaction sounds like a morning-after-hookup guilt than it does post truth or dare kiss guilt to me
Tell her the trust is broken and she can move on with that guy. She kissed him in front of half the family, you’ll be everyone’s laughing stock.
Move on bro. If she cheats once she’s not good enough for you. It will happen again. She’s embarrassed you as well. If you stay with her, you’re a fool
Good lesson for her to learn. #kthxbai
cheating cousin kisser, dump that birch
So three years is worth throwing away over a dare, because you weren’t around? Sounds like a real keeper.
Im joking, shes a cheater. Send her back to the streets where she belongs.
Also,whatever you decide, have her read this post and see what the entire world thinks about her and cheaters like her.
Updateme!
Vamonos!
I bet many replies are made by single men, and many that never had a relationship.
Did she reciprocate and tongue kiss him or did she pull back when he did that and stop the teenage foolishness?
I’d say if it continued on to LET’S play Dr. Dump her. But if she stopped buddy, then no real harm done.
Drunk people are idiots in general. Used to be one multiple times a week when younger lol.
Just remember if you take her back you have set the standard on your level of self respect
Have some respect for yourself and move on
Fucking kids
It’s over. Not only did she disrespect you, but if you don’t dump her you’re a doormat in front of the people who dared her to do that and disrespected you as well.
Believe me, it would happen again, but worse.
Info:
Why did her cousins let her cheat as well? A french kiss is way above a peck. She cheated, and I’m not sure how she can restore trust.
You may be being trickle truthed. Right now it’s a kiss…later you may discover more.
Also, cheating is bad enough, but in front of others? She has absolutely no respect or care for you…she knew it would get back.
Keep her if you want to waste more time.
Updateme
So Op the answer on Reddit is always to break up but in this case I would do the following first because this sounds less than full on cheating: I would put the ball in her court. I would tell her you’re leaning toward the ending the relationship completely and telling people about her cheating (game or not that’s what this was and she knows it. She could have easily just said “I’m not doing that. I have a bf”.).
Tell her you’re willing to discuss a possible second chance but you need to hear what actions she is going to take to re-earn you and your decision will be based on her plan and tell her straight up that saying she is sorry and won’t do it again are just words. In other words make her go to work and come back with hard actions she will take so that it’s her plan and the consequences for her cheating are far more work than the kiss was worth. I’m not saying be cruel for the kiss but she has to face accountability. That should include her not visiting the cousins again for a long while and even longer unless your there and going limited contact with them at best. She is the one that owes you loyalty but they all knew she was in a relationship and encouraged her to play and do the dare. People like that are no friend of your relationship and so regardless of how close she is to them, she needs to voluntarily go low contact and she doesn’t see them without you for a very very long time even if that means she has to turn down some invitations. They will get the message quickly and ask her what they need to do to make their part right. At that point she tells them they need to apologize to you for their part and admit they should have stood up for your relationship versus encouraging it. Second, she needs to tell you exactly who the guy is/was and any contact info for him she has, any social media connections are deleted. If he has her cell number, she needs to change it. She has zero contact with him. Third she owes you some sort of “reconnection”. Take you on a romantic weekend at her expense as an example. The point of all of this is to make her realize how precious trust is and that this is her one and only second chance.
Playing truth or dare at 22 and with a loyal boyfriend waiting back home?
What could possibly go wrong?
Part of being a good partner is protecting your significant other in the decisions to you make. Sitting down to play a game with members of the opposite sex and then kissing them “because you were dared to” is not exactly doing this lol. She literally chose a children’s game over her own boyfriend’s feelings, especially awful considering she knows your previous history!
You’re 22, man! You’re in the prime of your life and your options are endless right now. Don’t mentally and emotionally torture yourself trying to work your way through this to forgive her. Just break up with the cheater and go find a girl you can trust!
Also: she was probably yawning a lot because she’s been out partying into the wee hours of the night with these male friends of your cousins. She’s most likely trickle truthing the shit out of you.
It’s never just a kiss
Isn’t the whole point of truth or dare to ask someone a question or to do something they wouldn’t want to do so they drink.
Meaning your “gf” could have simply refused if she didn’t want to kiss him and take a shot. (Or just said i have a bf so nothing like that)
Just move on buddy.
We had sex after but I was dared too
She cheated .. never an excuse to cheat. If she respected you and the relationship, she’d never would have put herself in that spot; play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Just move on. You’ll be better off in the long run.