I’m just looking for some advice because I feel like I’m driving my head into a wall with her and my brother is pissed.
My brother has been living in Europe/Spain for the past couple of years. He comes back to Australia periodically. He’s pretty much set up there with a job and life. He’s met this girl from Moldova. He’s been with her for for just over 2 years. Her English isn’t great and she has a really strong accent.
My girlfriend made some comments about how bad he English was when we met up with family over the weekend. The short version is she mocked her accent and said she doesn’t understand how my brother understands anything she says. My brother and my dad are pretty annoyed with her. I tried to get her apologies. She doesn’t think she needs to because she was joking.
Comments
You could say something like:
I get that you were joking, but mocking my brother’s girlfriend’s accent was hurtful and upset the family. I need you to apologize respecting others isn’t optional.
It’s short, firm, and makes the expectation clear.
Why would she? Weak people never stop to think what their arrogance and stupidity does to others.
Yea, be careful with people who are mean for fun, and cant apologize when they’re wrong. Huge narcissist red flags. Save yourself the pain and financial burden of that abuse and cut her loose.
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Make it clear to her that she crossed a line and what she did was hurtful and childish. She needs to apologise or kick rocks .family comes first and you don’t want to waste time with someone who doesn’t respect your family and feelings .
yeah, your gf needs to own that one. mocking someone’s accent or English skills isn’t just joking, it’s disrespectful especially when that person is literally living in a second language. your brother has built a life with this girl, and instead of welcoming her, your gf made her feel small.
if she can’t see why that’s a problem, that’s on her. an apology isn’t optional here it’s basic decency. either she humbles herself and makes it right, or you’ll keep getting stuck in the middle while your family resents her.
Mocking someone’s accent isn’t just joking, it’s personal nd disrespectful. If she cares about you and your family, apologizing is the mature thing to do. Otherwise, it’s a red flag for you…
Her accent will improve over time, but your families behavior probably won’t. Sad.
Those comments are a preview of your future with that girl. Get rid of her and find someone worthy, because she’s not.
How many languages does your girlfriend speak?
Ah, the classic ‘I was joking’ so ask her to explain how this is funny. when she mumbles, ask her again, ‘sorry, but can you explain the joke?’ You need a better girlfriend.
As people on Reddit say, when someone shows you who they are, believe them.
What’s the female equivalent of a tool?
She wasn’t joking. She was being an ass
Mock her accent.
“Yeah na Shazz, ya can’t be speak’n like that to guests.”
‘It’s just a joke’ is one of those phrases that grates me so badly.
No, it’s not a joke, it’s bullying. You’ve been called out on it so don’t hide behind a childish narrative and excuse. Be an adult, own your mistakes. Say sorry, understand why you fucked up, be a better person next time.
In short, call her out on it, make sure she understands it. If she doesn’t, make sure she understands that you don’t see a future with a child.
So either cruelty and bullying are ok with you…
Or…
You don’t stand for that kind of behavior.
She’ll eventually do it to you and your kids.
If she can’t apologize and sees nothing wrong with her meanness…
Leave her.
Why do you want to date someone who who thinks it’s fun to mock people struggling? Does she also mock people who are unable to walk properly?
Your gf really doesn’t have much of a leg to stand on because Aussie accents really aren’t all that. Someone should start mocking the way she speaks and see how she likes it.
This is a microageession by the way. Not saying she’s racist but she is in this case. Probably because she’s jealous of your brother’s (corrected) gf.
She was wrong. But unless she actually sees that she was wrong, an apology will be meaningless. People make insincere apologies all the time to get others off their back. She’ll likely find other ways to insult the woman.
Is she often mean to people?
People who don’t apologize for a joke that hurt someone either meant for it to hurt or are too proud to admit that they were wrong. Neither is really a good thing
she’s wrong! she’s rude and you need to get rid of her. how hateful!
Your girlfriend is trash. Time to upgrade
How is your girlfriend’s accent in Moldovan? Or does she just speak one language but is ignorant enough to make fun of someone else’s second language.
Was your brother’s girlfriend present for this? Also, how old is your girlfriend? If it were me, I’d be like, ‘you upset my brother, idc if it was a joke, you need to apologize or my family is going to think you’re an asshole for the remainder of our relationship, which if you don’t apologize will be very short.’
If she keeps refusing, it’s over. Don’t ever be with someone who won’t apologize for hurting your loved ones.
As someone with a thick accent myself, I can assure you that I’ve only been made fun of by assholes.
I’m happy for your brother, he’s widening his views, and is becoming a citizen of the world.
Your girlfriend doesn’t deserve you.
Is she 15? If she’s any older then I’d reconsider the relationship
People who have no empathy shouldn’t be high on the list of people you should be spending time with.
Your gf is being a major ah. Do you not see the red flag waving in front of you?
Tell your girlfriend that nobody cares about her intentions. People apologize for the result, not what they intended. The fact is if that comment made people feel bad and it did, that is reason enough to apologize and it isn’t about who is wrong or right, it is about not wanting to hurt someone’s feelings. Even if the girl from Moldova let it slide (if she did), clearly the brother and the father are upset by it. The classy thing is to learn to apologize out of empathy, not fail to do so out of self righteousness.
I’m sure she can be mocked. Have them do that.
Break up anyway. If it takes being personally mocked to understand that it’s inappropriate to do that to someone your brother loves, she doesn’t posses the kind of qualities that will lead to a good relationship.
That quality being empathy. Fairly important for us humans.
Does your girlfriend speak another language? If not, remind her, that your brother’s gf speak her native language fluently and speaks English well enough to be able to communicate with native English speakers.
Those comment often comes from ignorance. Let her know that it’s not even funny, and that kind of statement makes her look really uneducated and ungracious.
Did your AH girlfriend speak 2 languages? No? Tell her to STFU, then break up with her.
“I be, how you say, dumping on you”.
>She doesn’t think she needs to because she was joking
“But the only person who found your “joke” funny was you. So that wasn’t joking, that was mocking. Whether a joke or not, accidental or not, what you said was rude and hurtful. That’s why you need to apologise, because whether you meant it or not, you said an unkind thing that upset someone. The fact you’re refusing to apologise is ridiculous and childish, and shows you’re desperate to preserve your own ego over making amends for hurt you caused. That’s pissing everyone off, including me, and making me question the relationship. So stop hiding behind “I was joking”, because that’s not an excuse. Either you’re being stubborn, or prideful, or simply don’t care. Which is it?”
Ultimately you can’t make her apologise. All you can do is decide whether someone who acts like this is really who you want to be with. And if you’re happy to weather the storm of everyone else in your family being pissed at her and you.
Australian accents are way more ridiculous than Moldovan
When someone has an accent it means they speaking more than one language how many languages does your girlfriend speak??? Her bigotry is really showing and that’s just gross, for me that’s an instant relationship ender, do you really wanna be the guy with a xenophobic girlfriend???
She bigoted. Don’t have children that will be raised by her.
Advice: my gf dropped her mask — around my family, no less — and revealed she’s a bigot. She refuses to apologize for the bigoted comments she made. What should I do?
You dump her. Morals (and ethics) are an important thing to have in common, when choosing a life partner. I don’t think hers align with yours.
What’s the joke? Seriously, what does she find humorous about being cruel? And why are you dating someone who takes pleasure in being cruel?
Why are you still with such a cruel female? While her rudeness is not your fault. Staying with her looks like approval. Oh . how many languages does your GF speak? Rude 102 Perhaps?
And how many languages does your girlfriend speak? If she speaks another language is her accent perfect in the non native language?
If you can’t joke without hurting people you’re either mean or incompetent and too stupid to understand why you’re wrong. It’s not hard to make people laugh and she’s too mean or stupid to manage that much.
Kindly ask your girlfriend how many languages she can speak fluently.
This sounds more that your girlfriend is very jealous. I’m guessing you’re in high school? Making fun of someone for their accent makes zero sense. Instead should be complimenting them on how good their English is. There are, like, 11 different languages spoken in Moldova, and English fits in the “other” category at about .2% of the entire population.
Tell your girlfriend to get over her insecurity.
Maybee your girlfriend is to hard to understand and should be traded to another one with a language accent…
Most pranksters and jokers are just bullies. When people say oh that was a joke….I say no that was sheer bullying
“I’m sorry, I was only joking” see – not at all hard. Maybe throw in some cultural differences while she’s at it.
Maybe time to trade in, and find someone who doesn’t mock others so easily.
Your gf doesn’t need to do shit. You do. And you know what.
Man up, man
I bet she treats waitstaff like shit too
Sounds like your girlfriend is a bigot. Do you want to be in a relationship with a bigot that disrespects your family?
Australian accent is the worst
Yeah, that’s not joking. That’s bullying. If you if she can’t find her way to apologize for being cruel to someone, might be time to move onto someone who has more compassion.
Your girlfriend sucks
Your gf is a raging cunt (sorry for US readers, this is pretty standard terminology in Oz)
your gf lacks class, kindness and empathy and most of all accountability. time to upgrade.
Now you have to ask yourself if you want to continue to date a bully.
A childish bully who has no capacity for self-reflection.
A shallow bully who can not empathize or sympathize.
A narcissistic bully who is never wrong.
A self-centered bully who thinks that labeling their bullying as a joke somehow excuses it.
She is xenophobic. And ignorant and made herself look stupid with her immaturity. A child knows not to mock people. Of course she needs to apologize. You just learned that she has a nasty side.
Sorry, your gf is being a bit of an A-hole, mate.
I bet your brothers gf’s english is better than your gf’s Moldovian.
Clear sign that she is not emphatic. A clear lack of touch.
Joking stops being funny when you’re the only one still laughing.
AI slop. A 5hr old account, this post was just made in another sub yesterday.
Explain the joke. What is funny about mocking the accent of someone learning our language?
Your GF is a rude red flag. I hope you dump her simple minded ass
An Australian mocking someone else’s accent…?!
An Australian making fun of an accent? The irony
If you realize your attempt at a “joke” upset people instead of amusing them, you should apologize and work on your social skills.
She’s Australian and mocking somebody’s accent?
You’re dating this horrible person why exactly?
Where is the joke? Explain it to me why it’s funny to make fun of others? OP, you need to figure out if she is mature enough for a relationship.
Dude, my ex partner used to drop offensive and mean comments to myself and other people and try and pass of her behaviour as either a joke or turn it around and claim she meant something different to what she said. People who don’t spare a thought to reflect on and own their behaviour are bad partners.
I’m always so embarrassed for people that aren’t awestruck when they meet someone with more than one language. I guess your girlfriend will just continue to slide downhill.
A comment like hers would disgust me.
Even a bad joke deserves an apology. Mockery is not joking.
She lacks empathy. She has shown you what your future looks like.
Leave.
She just revealed her true character. Break up with her before it gets worse.
Your girlfriend is mean, period. If you don’t know that by now you must be clueless or think she is too pretty to fault her for it.
Your girlfriend is a bully. If conversations haven’t gotten through to her, you need a different partner.
Making a bad joke or comment can happen to everyone.
Refusing to apologize after people tell you it’s hurting someone is a whole different thing.
What kind of joke? Was this a one time jab. Or does she go on and on and on with it?
ask her how fluent she is in the moldovian language . or any other languages….
Making fun of someone ability to speak english as a 2nd or 3th or 4th …. language while not speaking any other language themselves is beyond stupid.
Your gf has the maturity level of a second-grader. Find someone more appropriate who has been taught manners. Disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. How can you even look at such a person? What a toddler
Ooh sure – lets be racist and when held accountable suddenly it is ‘ just joking’ .
Next would be ‘ explain how exactly your comment is funny’
Nah – she be racist (and how many languages can she speak without any identifiable accent?)
And thus she is not a ‘ good person’ .
Do with this what you need.
An accent is simply proof of speaking more than one language. What’s truly limiting is only knowing one—and still using it to belittle others. As Miguel de Unamuno said: ‘Fascism is cured by reading, racism is cured by traveling.’ Perhaps both would do her some good.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
There’s no future with your girlfriend. Find someone who actually adds to your life, not drags people down.
Accents are beautiful and Romanian (Moldova’s language) is very interesting.
Demeaning people is always funny is it gf? The Moldova woman’s English is better than gf’s Moldovan, i respect those with second plus languages.
Bullies always say they’re joking
this is a red flag. sorry m8.
Normal behavior if you offend someone (even if he/she is sugar coated) is to apologize cause well…you offended them no matter how YOU see it; they have the right to be offended.
Your GF appears to be entitled
Well, how’s her Spanish? Sounds like your brother’s gf speaks at least two languages. Your gf sounds jealous.
Your girlfriend is a shitty person who lacks basic human empathy.
Your gf is a psycho and a manipulator. “I was only joking” is literally gaslighting. Its a textbook example of avoiding accountability.
Put your foot down on it. Either she apologizes and never does it again, or she’s single.
She is showing you who she is. Be aware of the red flag and call it a day on the relationship. She doesn’t sound like someone worth having around. Imagine her doing this to your boss and trying to claim she was joking. Cut your losses.
People who mock those who they perceive to be less fortunate can eat a D.
Mocking an accent is never a joke. She can apologize or that’s a huge red flag that I’d nope right out of.
The Moldovan girl speaks Moldovan, maybe Romanian or Russian, and also Spanish and English. What about your girlfriend? The funny thing is, even if the Moldovan girl spoke Queen’s English, she’d still make fun of her, saying, “What a funny accent.” No joke, I know an Australian who makes fun of British accents.
“ I was just JOKING “ is the go-to excuse for people whose unpleasant behaviour gets a backlash.
How many languages does your girlfriend speak?
I speak one language and absolutely butcher three others.
I appreciate people who make an effort to speak my language. Making fun of someone’s accent or attempt to communicate is not kind.
Does your girlfriend often make fun of others, or is this an isolated incident?
You should rethink your relationship. She’s a bully
Someone from Australia making fun of someone else’s English? That is fucking hilarious.
And yeah, joking or not, she should apologize.
Make fun of an accent. I find this thing completely stupid. (Even if it’s something that a lot of French people do.) I was amazed that in the USA, he didn’t care. If you are from there, we will say that behavioral exchanges are not the best in cultural sharing.
Tell your girlfriend she’s a rarity, stupider must be hard to beat. Congratulates there for its lack of knowing how to live that it is the questioning of human evolution, that apparently man does not descend from the monkey, but from the pig.
She’ll probably apologize afterwards or you won’t have to worry about it.
Here’s what happened:
You got a glimpse of who your girlfriend really is. Ignorant, petty, and mean. I’ll bet she’s threatened AF by your brother’s girlfriend, so her first instinct is to belittle and make her feel less than.
That’s why you’re struggling with this. I’m guessing this doesn’t match the person you THOUGHT she was. She’s not going to apologize because she isn’t sorry. She did what she set out to do.
I bet if you think back, there’s other instances that she’s been that way and you missed it or brushed it off.
An Australian who makes fun of someone for their accent… Well… I hope she never leaves her country.
It’s time to upgrade. She needs to be an ex.
That angers me so much. At least your brothers girlfriend is trying. Heck kudos for her even attempting to learn a second language. Your girlfriend sucks. Saying it’s a “joke” doesn’t excuse her being rude and ignorant.
Your gf is a bully.
If you marry her, this problem will be lifelong.
Your family will get increasingly irritated with her.
Maybe next week she’ll find something new about your brother’s gf to mock.
Do you want your children to behave this way?
Obviously your dad doesn’t.
how many languages does your girlfriend speak?
But the sex is good so who cares if she’s a bully right?
Thats a pretty massive redflag imo. People like that are the reason we have the orange one as president (i live in the US), plus, her not apologizing could cause a rift in your family, it might be best just to drop her like a bad habit and find someone who isn’t trash towards foreigners.
You just discovered your girlfriend is a discriminatory mean girl. You can now choose whether that’s the kind of person you want to date or marry. Very unlikely that you can change someone who thinks it’s funny to be mean.
Your gf is a dick bro
At least she is not your wife. still you can go for someone else.
You mean, “my ex girlfriend.” She’s hateful.
Girl with the accent is probably much, much better looking than OP’s girlfriend. Jealous and trying to bring the new girl down a notch by picking on the only thing that she can. Moldovan girl is probably a successful and interesting person as well as being attractive.
Blatantly insulting someone isnt joking.
If you have to ask somebody for an apology, it won’t be genuine coming from her. An apology should be offered by the person at fault without being prompted for it. If this person is so mean-spirited, perhaps you should look elsewhere.
It’s like telling people to say they’re “sorry” when they are not. It’s a waste of time.
Making fun of accents is something I hate. You’re mocking someone who speaks more than 1 language, which is awesome. How many languages does your girlfriend speak?
And she is still your girlfriend?
This is foreshadowing what kind of treatment is waiting for you in this relationship
Never make fun of someone with an accent, they probably speak more languages than you do.
Also, GF is a shitty person
I wonder how well nasty girlfriend can speak Spanish? If she’s from the United States, then she probably is too stupid to speak more than just English. Not sure if she’s Australian and what their school system is like, but Europeans typically speak multiple languages and are far and above smarter than the average US Citizen.
Girlfriend is just petty, mean, and insecure. Never a good look if you cannot apologize when you have obviously crossed the line and upset someone. Intentional or not.
Sounds like your girlfriend is a racist POS tbh
What about when you leave her? Will she apologize then? Too late.
So what if she’s white. Race isn’t about colour. The brother gf is not Australian and speaks with a different accent – she is a foreigner. So racism.
Look up linguistic racism.
I guarantee the Moldovan girl is way hotter than your girlfriend and she’s jealous she isn’t the center of attention anymore
She is showing you who she is. She will make fun of people for no reason then call it a joke. This is her way of saying she enjoys being an asshole to others.
It was a poor joke. She should apologize.
Your girlfriend sounds like a dumb B. Have fun lol
Dump the girlfriend.
Apologize to your brother for your poor taste in women.
Bad manners aren’t fixed by simply claiming you were joking. Your gf is completely in the wrong here. This would honestly be enough for me to dump someone. She showed her true nature.
Your girlfriend sucks and is probably jealous because she isn’t as “exotic”.. hope she realizes why her behavior was not okay
It’s a joke huh, so who’s laughing? She can apologize and cut out the mean girl shit or you should reconsider if she’s the type of person you want to be with.
She sounds charming. You really scored with this one. Definitely a keeper.
Any time I feel the least inclined to comment on someone’s skills in my native language, I imagine trying to communicate in theirs instead.
Sounds like jealousy. Maybe she preferred being the only gf around or thinks your brother’s gf is more (fill in the blank- accepted, charming, pretty, thin/curvy, tall, whatever). If her response to her own jealousy is to be a mean girl, red flag. That she can’t grasp she’s trashing her own reputation to your family by doubling down and refusing to apologize? Mean and dumb girl.
casually racist gf 😭
DUMP HER
She needs to apologise, she’s being a bigot.
I wonder how many will make fun of her Aussie accent if she went overseas? Even to New Zealand.
Maybe your girlfriend feels the same about your sister’s accent, but she’s too classy to say so.
Lol as a Scouser, people from all over the world take the piss on how I speak. Some don’t even think I’m speaking English or need subtitles.
It doesn’t bother me one bit. It shouldn’t get you down either.
Wonder how many languages your GF speaks and how’s her accent in them. Pretty rich for a native English speaker to mock someone for whom it’s a second language.
“Just joking” is another term for poor manners. You can do better then her.
Anyone with common sense or decency doesn’t do something like that
She is a guest, and she embarrassed, was mean to and refuses to apologize to another guest?
This is a bigger problem that is going to show itself more as time goes on
She hurt someone’s feelings over something she could have easily and should have kept to herself
Caused a rift in/ insulted part of your family over it
And refuses to apologize?
This is unthinkably rude and downright shitty. You don’t disrespect your partners family, or the partners of those family members, you don’t refuse to apologize
This is only a good thing because now you can get a glimpse of what a future with her would be like, and you can still escape
Sorry. Mean girls think it’s funny to be mean. ….So even if she was only joking, she should be falling at her feet apologizing for hurting her. A mild apology (or none) says a lot about her character.
If she was just joking she wouldn’t hesitate to apologize because her intention wasn’t to hurt someone’s feelings.
She refuses to apologize because her intention was to her feelings.
Your gf sucks.
She wasn’t joking. She needs to apologize. She was being a bitch.
It’s ok to politely tell someone you are having issues with their accent. I mean we all meet people that it takes a bit to understand through their accent and slang. Ever talk to someone from Boston? 😉 (sorry hockey season is upon us so the shits are starting early since we are playing them in the outdoor game).
But for someone learning a new language, of course they will struggle here and there. Sometimes we have to play guess the word over at the meditation society with Bhante. But he knows like 4 languages. If he’s having trouble finding the right word, we help, in a kind manner.
Buddhism has a concept called right speech. Instead of the whole explanation, I’ll give the simple 3 question test.
Is it true?
Is it hurtful?
Does it need to be said?
So if it’s true and hurtful, but doesn’t need to be said, you don’t say it. Pretty easy rule in concept. Not always easy to practice. But this is a case where it’s super easy to do so.
For me, how my SO treats others can be a dealbreaker. If they can’t admit when they are wrong. Both me and my husband have fallen out of right speech at times. We don’t only apologize, we do everything we can to make it up to the person.
Your girl needs a lesson in manners. Speech is an area where many are self conscious. Whether it’s accent (took me years to lose my Baltimore one), speech impediments, or new to the language.
To gently say, I’m sorry, I didn’t catch what you said, could you please repeat it, that’s ok to do. To basically bash her like she’s mush mouth from fat Albert (it was in reruns when I grew up, I’m not that old 😂) is downright cruel.
I’m with your family on this. And until she can learn to be nice, I wouldn’t include her in anything with your brother’s girlfriend.
Does the mean girlfriend speak 2 languages? If not, tell her to STFU.
she doesn’t get to choose whether she hurt someone with her words or not, the right thing to do would be to apologize even if it wasn’t her intention to hurt her feelings
I wonder how well she speaks Moldovan, is this some stupid mean girl game ? That would be serious red flag for me, making fun of other people
Alot of you Aussies, not you op, don’t realise how racist the shit that comes out of your mouths is or how bad attitudes are.
If she’s this stubborn about failing to realise she insulted someone, even if unintended, and won’t even try to understand ypu should leave her now as this will only continue and develop into worse traits later down the line
Your gf is an AH, your move.
Ask her to explain the joke and why it’s supposed to be funny. You might just find that the bitch thinks cruelty is funny which is cartoonishly evil
If it isn’t funny, it wasn’t a joke.
Your GF’s a jerk. She needs to spend time in a foreign country trying to get her basic needs met with very little knowledge of the language. Maybe it will humble her a little.
In public settings when she says something mean/hurtful just say loudly oh she’s just a mean girl & can’t help herself
A bigot and a bitch. You should be breaking up with her – unless you want the mother of your future kids to be that way.
she’s unkind and doubled down by not apologizing. yikes, good luck
Your GF is an ass
She’s your ex now, correct?
shitty people always use the excuse they were just joking. you know, until someone says something about them.
Oh your girlfriend is a racist bitch
Also Australian. Is this how you want your life to go?
Ask her, “what’s the joke?”
This is just such a rude and unnecessary comment. Feeling comfortable enough to say this AND THEN not apologizing, saying she doesn’t see the issue—is wild.
This is very telling of who your girlfriend is. She lacks empathy and doesn’t mind putting others down for no reason. She also doesn’t care enough to gain perspective and isn’t mature enough to admit she is wrong.
I would dump her.
That’s such an odd thing to say. I know thick accents can be tough to understand for a minute but his gf has learned and is trying to speak a language that’s not her mother tongue, so props to her for knowing a second language.
Mocking someone for having a second language isn’t just rude, it makes your girlfriend look uncultured/ foolish too. Did she expect a European girl to pop in to Australia with a polished Aussie accent?