I (19) m have been dating this girl (19) f for a few months now. Ever since we’ve began dating it’s been pretty obvious that she finds other dudes attractive. An example of this is this one guy who’s name is something like Albert. She openly talks to me about how attractive he is and I fucking hate it. I wanna know am I the asshole for ignoring her and distancing myself from her because of this after talking to her about how I felt multiple times??
Girlfriend thirsts over other guys
r/AITAH
Comments
Just leave. It’s obvious she would date them if she could.
NTA. She’s not respecting your feelings.
You’re not the asshole, but I’d say you’re wasting energy on the wrong question. The real one is: why stay in a relationship with someone who makes you feel like this?
Just date someone else who respects your feelings. You’re young, it’s not that serious.
Id cut her off before getting more involved
Give her the freedom to go after Albert.
Because this relationship isn’t going anywhere.
YTA for staying in the relationship still – to yourself; especially if you have told her how it makes you feel multiple times. I’d never think to ever do that to my bf and never have- who I have been dating since I was 18 and now am into my 20s. I wouldn’t waste your time idk- how would she feel if you did it about girls?
Some couples are okay with checking people out together and shit but personally I think it just causes wondering eyes and insecurities especially if one has voiced they don’t like it. She doesn’t respect you so you’re right for ignoring and distancing yourself but you shouldn’t ghost- you should just leave the relationship
NTA, she does not respect you if she’s saying this to your face, But maybe also talk to her and tell her how you feel
I think you already know the answer to this question but need the redditors to back you up! Do what you know you should do bro!
NTA. She’s probably doing two things 1. Just lacks self awareness and control. 2. Pushing the boundaries to see what she can get away with in the future. Look at all the guys that post on relationship subreddits about being forced into poly relationships.
NTA, leave this relationship before it becomes harder to leave. This is going to crush your self esteem and set you on a path where you’ll be comparing yourself to others and never be enough.
I’ve had partners in the past I wish would do this. Being open and honest enough to point out people who are attractive, so we can both oggle them. Window shopping isn’t inherently a bad thing. Now if she acted on that attraction, you have a different scenario on your hands.
See if she’s into it by pointing out people you think are attractive. If she gets mad, tell her that’s how she made you feel. If she sees this as encouragement, explore that aspect. Talk it out, “looking is fine but touching will cost you.” Communication is key to any relationship. If she refuses to talk, or won’t hear your words, it’s time to move on.
Or just let go of the jealousy entirely and just go find people the both of you can have fun with.
Think with your main head.
She is not the only girl in this world, you will be ok.
Red flag… when I was 19 I dated a girl who was a waitress at hooters and had the desire to model, etc.
She was always flirting and leading guys on, talk about past hookups, mentioning run ins to ex’s ; even though we were in a relationship. I always pretended like I was so secure it didn’t bother me. It absolutely did.
It needed really badly and took me months to figure out how shitty all of that made me feel. In the end I had zero self- esteem.
It was the catalyst for me to get my shit together in life though lol. I would recommend just leaving and focusing on you bro.
She does not respect you or your feelings, unfortunately there is not much you can do if you have already talked about it on several occasions, she is not interested in changing that part
Even though it hurts, I think the best thing for your well-being is to get out of that relationship and find a person who is on par with your way of thinking.
I hope you can solve
No, if this bothers you than you are NTA for feeling this way. Have you talked to her about it? What does she say?
Do you still find other women attractive?
Saying someone else is attractive once is fine. Most people know when another human is attractive. She sounds insecure, maybe has low self esteem. This often manifests as wanting validation, inviting drama, wanting you to be jealous/give her attention etc. Hopefully it is just immaturity but, don’t wait around to find out.
I’ve been married 20 years. I find other men attractive still.
What I don’t do is have big conversations with my husband over the fact. I might casually mention that a person is attractive walking past them or seeing a modeling poster etc. but it’s not the focus on my attention for any prolonged period. That includes people of all genders because physical attractiveness applies equally.
NTA. She is blatantly disrespecting you.
Your choices are to either work on your attractiveness, or enforce your boundaries. Or both.
Don’t just distance. Break up and tell her you want to be with someone who makes you feel valued.
She sounds mean. I wouldn’t doubt she likes keeping you insecure. If you find yourself holding your breath hoping your partner won’t start talking about the guy/girl who just walked by, you’re with the wrong partner
It’s a red flag to keep an eye on. How about you mention girls you find attractive and see her response.
Why are you letting her settle for you? That’s not love, that’s masochism
Dude…you know you can just leave right? You don’t need to stay with her…
NTA You are actually doing what some many refuse to do in situations like this… walk away. She is giving off some pretty big red flags that she would happily cheat on you with a guy she finds attractive. You seem to just be a placeholder for her. You tried to tell her how you felt and she disregarded it. She is showing she doesn’t care about your feelings which in turn means she probably doesn’t really care about you.
One person in every relationship always knows…”this is the last time we will have sex.”
Be that person in this relationship.
Drop her and move on. Not that hard to understand. Everyone will feel attraction to someone other then their SO sooner or later. What you do with that attraction is the issue.
It’s an age/phase thing imho, hear me out.
Lots of insecurity, and little social skills (learned with life experience) and maturity. You find tons of girls thinking this keeps you on your toes, or shows she’s ok with you being real (that you’d admit finding other women attractive) and sets an open dialogue/relationship, could be many reasons .
It’s similar to guys thinking getting lots of women is a cool factor at that age, dismissing respectful dating as something else idk. No one thinks of that back then (for me).
That said, if it bothers you just end things.
Trying to talk about it ends up with either her feeling you’re implying she would cheat or h*e down, or you’re insecure af. We don’t know that either are true – I do know most people of that age range don’t have the experience, maturity and have too much insecurity to have an adult conversation about this and resolve it.
You can try, maybe you two do have that (or develop it together), but don’t be shocked and hurt if it devolves into ‘I’m not saying you’d cheat/are a wh*re!’ And ‘you’re so insecure, that’s a red flag!’If that happens chalk it up to late teens / early twenties drama (you’ll know it when you see it later in life, but at the time it feels like life consuming reality).
NAH – just incompatible, you don’t like a gf who points out hot dudes and that’s ok. It’s not on her to change (that’s like her saying ‘get used to it’ to you, change) – you’re just incompatible or need to have a deeper conversation about it.
Then leave her .. Why be with someone when other people are more important than you
Get out and away from her
I wouldn’t tolerate it. She’s in a relationship with you she should be looking at you, not other people. I’m not saying you can’t appreciate other people’s beauty, but to openly disrespect your significant other’s feelings like her is foolishness.
You are young. This is how it is today, very little loyalty. I assume you are exclusive with her?
If not, just date around yourself.
If you are exclusive tell her that if that’s how she’s acting, you want to end the exclusivity and start dating others because her behavior is not appropriate.
She’s obviously at least window shopping for a “better” looking BF, if she isn’t already cheating.
Why don’t you try communicating this to your girlfriend. When people are single for too long they forget how it’s like to be in a relationship and still think maybe things they did when they were single are okay to do now. Talk to her and let her know you’re uncomfortable with this . If she understands and stops then good otherwise just part ways
I’ve been married 17 years and it would be a lie to say I didn’t find any other men, or women for that matter, in the entire world attractive. It seems unrealistic to want her to only find you attractive.
Try jacking off about her with other guys and if you feel sad and stressed out after then break up , but if you feel relieved then you know what to do
The next time she mentions a dude and how attractive she is, ask her for his contact info. When she asks why, tell her, “I’m going to be your wingman. I will get you a date with him”
NTA. You already know that, though. Time to move on.
it’s not weird for your girlfriend to find other people attractive, but it definitely IS weird for her to keep bringing it up with you and fawning over other guys when she knows it makes you uncomfortable. she is not respecting your boundaries and it sounds like she’s trying to make you jealous/testing you which is really immature. i mean, i guess you’re both 19 but if you’ve already talked to her about it and she’s still doing it, i’d walk away. you wanna be with someone who respects you, not someone who is constantly comparing you to other people.
Nah bro, just leave. She aint the one
Nta. Stop wasting your time. It’s only a few months. RUN AND DON’T LOOK BACK
NTA. Date someone else…
Brother, jump out of this relationship as fast as you can!
Being attracted to other people while you’re in a relationship might be normal for some people, but if it’s a no go for you, leave her. You won’t be happy with her
Youre with a straight woman im assuming so… yes she finds other men attractive.
The problem is she’s being rude and disrespectful and yes you should break up with her.
Crushing on celebrities is one thing, Crushing on people who you know is another. There is an old joke that a married couple agree to one “free cheat” if the opportunity ever presents itself. The wife chose Brad Pitt or Michael B. Jordan, the husband chose the “hot girl at my gym” or his wife’s sister.
NTA. Have a conversation with her explaining how what she says is insensitive and disrespectful toward you and your relationship or break it off.
Not at all. If you’ve explained to her how it makes you feel and she continues to do it then she obviously isn’t considering your feelings, which is a major red flag.
Personally, as long as I’m the only one my wife comes home to and has sex with, I don’t care who she gets turned on by. I’m the one benefiting from it so I tell her to look all she wants. Guys on TV or just some random dude she see while out running errands, or like the other day when a group of firemen came to her work and all the nurses were ogling them…fine with me as long as she stays faithful to me.
Being attracted to other people is normal.
Harassing you about it when you’ve asked her to stop is not.
NTA, constant comparisons are disrespectful. You deserve better.
NTA, break up now. You’re just the place holder while she tries to get the attention from the guys she actually wants to be with.
Is it normal of her to find other people attractive?
Yes.
Is it normal of her to openly talk about how attractive other guys are?
No.
NTA. This is not ok behavior. You should consider dumping her. She’s not likely to improve.
Red flag! She does not respect you at all and she is openly shopping for your replacement. I’d be dropping her like a bad habit.
She isn’t worth your time
You’re 19, man.
Don’t tolerate that disrespect from her.
Just go find another gf that does treat you like that.
Your on different pathways. Please just be you.
NTA if you’ve talked to her about this a few times already and she’s still doing it, move on. You’re young, she’s not the one.
To be clear though, there’s nothing wrong with finding other people attractive – hot people still exist even when you’re in a relationship – or even talking about it to your partner. But if your partner has said multiple times they don’t want you to tell them, you don’t. It’s easy.
Nta. Talk to her about it a last time. Make she knows it is serious. If she doesn’t respect your stance, make a decision. My partner and I have always talked about people we find attractive. Kind of the philosophy of: “sunlight is the best disinfectant”. A good side effect of that is that we can see if anyone is approaching any boundary long before anything bad (cheating) would happen.
We are both very secure, so jealousy wasn’t an issue. (My hubby once saw me glance at a muscle bound man jogging, and said: I knew you would like him. I point out women with nice curves. I’m like: look over my shoulder. You see that?)
Our styles match.
But if this isn’t your communication style and you can’t adjust to her style, and/or she can’t adjust for your comfort, you two just might not be good matches for each other.
You may need to move on.
She’s 19. You’re 19. You’re both children, and she’s not emotionally mature enough to be in a serious relationship.
So your options are:
1 – end the relationship
2 – return with the same level of energy. She talks about hot guys. You start talking about hot girls.
Either way, this relationship isn’t going to last a long time, so just be prepared to pack up at a moment’s notice and don’t get too emotionally invested if she’s not emotionally invested.
I’ve known girls that do this. They would absolutely hate if you talked about girls that way. Honest advice, break up and move on but you should turn the tables for fun once or twice so she knows what it’s like. Pretend like you don’t know why she’s upset if she gets upset.
NTA
She’s for the streets bro, sorry.
Have you voiced these feelings? A good rule of thumb is most people are idiots and go about their day blissfully unaware of how their actions impact people. I’m no exception. I’d tell you to leave but not without having a conversation (not argument) about what’s bothering you and why. Shutting down / distancing yourself is clearly not working. Sometimes people just need things spelled out for them.
Edit:
How did she react when you told her you hate her talking about how she finds other dudes attractive?
Lay a boundary down and if she breaks the boundary leave her. It ain’t hard. There are plenty of more compatible people out there.
She is playing you my guy. Next time she mentions Albert just go ‘yeah he is pretty hot – you should ask him out’. That’ll be the end of that. She’s enjoying making you have to compete. She doesn’t want Albert, she’s with you. She wouldn’t be dating you if she *acutally* wanted a different guy. And if that’s not the case then when she leaves you for him you’ve saved yourself a task anyway.
You deserve better. She won’t change, so break up and move on.
Just leave. Either she’s litteraly got eyes for another man, or she just wants to get a rise out of you “I had a woman tell me that she thought it was hot to piss off her man or make him jealous”. Either way, its toxic
She’s Immature, and not ready for a relationship. Seeks validation by being in a relationship/ with someone, but doesn’t sound like a good partner.
She’s for the streets bro, if you’re trying to be serious get out of there before you become more attached and end up simp, or worse. A lot of girls at this age just want to sleep around, no judgement on her, it’s just the truth.
Have your fun and move on or don’t and get out. The choice is yours though
Maybe she trying to open up the relationship with u… try telling her you find other girls attractive she what she does. But yeah mate ur 19 leave her for good if I was u
Yes YTA. If you do abusive things because you don’t like what someone else is doing, you’re still an abuser. Just dump her if she won’t take your feelings into consideration.
Sorry to break it to you, but most taken girls thirst over other guys with their friends. Especially fictional guys.
You’re way too young for this shit, move on.
a 19 year old girl being horny? incredible. i’d have never expected such a thing.
That said, she doesn’t need to be always talking about it around you. That’s rude. NTA.
My name is Albert… is she talking bout me?
You think when people get in relationships they stop finding other people attractive?
You need to work on your jealousy and insecurities.
Do let her know that you don’t like hearing how attractive people are, but don’t be an asshole about it.