. I will delete this soon so please try to answer quick. I (19F) met this guy ( 20M ) who I may want to give a chance recently and he ended up opening up to me about a situation where he got with a girl who was in a relationship. Basically being the guy she cheated with. I’m not sure if I am willing to move on with getting to know him as I’m not sure if this is the same as cheating. I already have trust issues and though he admits he regrets it and states he made amends with the guy I still can’t help but feel that this is something that shows his type of character. What if we were to get together and he were to cheat on me?
Giving cheater a chance
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Major red flag. If he helped someone cheat, regret doesn’t erase what that says about his character.
literally anyone you date there’s a chance that person will cheat. The fact that he was open and honest about his past mistakes shows a lot about his character in a positive way. Do you want to reward his honesty with cutting him out of your life?
Seeing your other posts. Take some time for yourself
I think it depends on how he explained himself. Did he knowingly enter into the situation? Did he find out after they were together? Did he end the relationship due to her cheating on her husband? Was the woman separated in some way from the husband during this situation? And finally and possibly most importantly, what was his tone and mood while explaining this all to you? Did his demeanor match the level of seriousness the topic demands? Make sure you’re comfortable with how you answer each and EVERY one of those questions. Then, and only then, will you be on the road to being open to trusting him.
Red flag. Avoid at all costs. Trust me. It’s not worth it and the anxiety will eat you up inside if you do give him a chance.
You are very young.. but this question is incredibly reasonable. A cheater is also someone who knowingly cheats, even if the person is single. You just changed my mind with this. It’s disrespect to the other party. What I will say is that you have to be careful. You are so young and have so much to look forward to. Being honest, I don’t think this person is right for you. Maybe later on, but he has to show you the person he is. Cheaters are crafty with the lies.. focus on yourself and all your aspirations. It’s really easy to become blind to love with the wrong person. It’s until now me 32M that I found someone that can take my hand and I know she will lead me to great things. I will take her hand and lead her too. True teamwork ❤️
This is manipulation
My experience with cheaters appalling. My advice to you is RUNNNN and don’t look back. Cheaters always cheat. Straight up fact.
serious red flag. He is a cheater. Both people in the relationship are cheaters. The only way he is not is if he honestly did not know. I am old nd there is something I learned early on. A cheater is a cheater If they will cheat on someone els they WILL cheat on you, If you have any self respect at all you will not “Give him a chance” to hurt you.
I so disagree. This is coming from a cheater. Married the women I cheated with 45 years ago. Love her more to the day. There are so many reasons people cheat. Yes it is a character flaw but one that can be changed and even though regrettable would not do any thing different. If he was up front with you and shared an honest moment show a lot.
Personally once a cheater always a cheater, but he sound sorry so I really don’t know and that he knew she was in a relationship idk but good look
Once a cheater always a cheater. I wouldn’t trust him or that situation sounds sketchy and it sounds like he’d cheat on you just like he did in his past relationships.
If you have trust issues, the last person you should be in a relationship with is someone who knowing violates trust.
Just find a guy who doesn’t cheat. If your concern is “I can’t find someone else”, you are the last person who should trust their emotional wellbeing to a known cheater as this signals major insecurity.
Don’t do it.
You know he cheated and that is often not a one time thing.
What are you going to be thinking down the road each time he is late calling or going out with the boys etc?
It’s early enough to turn him down before you get attached.
If people tell you who they are listen to them.
I personally would not start a relationship with someone who hooked up with someone in a relationship.
It is true that he is at least open and admits it, which makes him better than cheaters who lie and conceal. But only around 30% of people ever engage in infidelity during their lifetimes, and he’s not better than the 70% of people who have never done this. Why not go find one of them?
Also, for whatever its worth, my wife confessed to me very early on that she had cheated on a college boyfriend, it was the worst mistake she ever made, and she felt so horribly bad about it she could never do it again. She was open and honest about it. During our 15th year in marriage she started a year long affair and lied about it until I finally found proof.
I am not necessarily saying “once a cheater always a cheater.” But I an saying that you are 19, there are tons of guys who would date you who haven’t done this, so maybe try one of them instead.
I mean look, he was 18, he wasn’t the one that cheated (though what he did obviously wasn’t great), he told you unprompted and it doesn’t sound like he tried to sugarcoat it or justify it. That’s a pretty good sign all things considered.
That said, you having trust issues already seems like the bigger issue here. You know yourself better than we do. If you aren’t going to be able to trust him, or at least choose to trust him, do both of you a favor and move on
Don’t do it, it does reflect his character and he knew he was destroying a relationship and another man’s heart. Saying sorry is still easier than not doing it
If he did it once he can do it again thousand times.