Hi there. I (34F) am looking for some genuine guidance. I have am single, no children. I have worked hard since my college days to build a career that I am currently doing very well in. I live alone, which was an important goal of mine. I rent and have never cared to buy a home because of how expensive they are where I live. I am proud to say I have my degree and have even traveled a bit, so I feel like I’ve gone through the “checklist.” The only thing missing is the spouse/long term partner and children, but I don’t see that changing in my future (and I am okay with that). (Side note: I have done a lot of unpacking over the years to understand why I felt like I had to follow that “checklist” sigh)
At this point, I am really thinking about what I want my life to look like as I approach my mid thirties and prepare for my forties and beyond. I feel like the only goals I have been conditioned to aspire to are “college, grad school, career, travel, marriage, baby, house” and all of them were supposed to be completed by 30.
So now, as I have either successfully met those goals or decided not to pursue them… now what? What new goals do people, in particular women, have as they get older? Especially in regard to financial goals? What else should I be considering or prioritizing?
TIA. 🙏🏽
Comments
My goals are do things I like, enjoy life, travel, achieve fitness related goals, and retire early.
I’m not goal oriented which has pluses and minuses but my goals this year are to survive tbh but also just do more things.
I want to travel more. I’m hopefully going to Japan.
I’m trying to be more conscious about movement.
And I have very heavy attachment to my loved ones and I kinda wanna release that so they dont feel the need to take me into consideration with their life choices.
Retirement savings is a big one for me. Hobby related goals- ie actually finishing the damn quilt. Get better with wood working. Remember to do the things that bring me joy when I’m stressed.
Oh this resonates so much. Definitely felt like I’ve followed a checklist and on paper am doing well but often feel unfulfilled. And don’t know if I want kids and certainly don’t want them just to feel more fulfilled. But I often ask myself what now because I feel almost so stable I’m in a rut. It’s something I’ve been working on unpacking in therapy too.
My most concrete goal is FIRE (financial independence, retire early). I know this isn’t possible for everyone but I’ve crunched the numbers and especially if I don’t have children I’m in a good place to retire around 55, maybe even 50 if I decide to do more part time work then. I may want to buy a house one day, but right now it doesn’t make sense for me but I’m keeping that in mind as well when I’m looking at my financial goals.
Then I have a number of more abstract goals—to expand my social circle to build a community especially one not focused on the traditional marriage and kids route, to get more fit, to to pursue a lot of new of hobbies and see what I enjoy instead of what I think I should enjoy, and to travel more but with more purpose.
Sounds like you’re not “missing” anything if you’re content with where you are at in life. You’ve accomplished more than most, myself included.
If travel is supposed to be “completed” by 30, why are all these 60+ boomers out here seeing the sights? There is too much of the world to experience that you simply can’t do by 30.
I find fulfillment in my hobbies, my friends, travel when I can. I hope to retire one day and save for that and who knows what.
I became a licensed massage therapist and adopted a puppy. We have so much freedom we can keep asking ourselves what we want to do next.
Literally anything you want. Whatever will make you happy and is a good financial choice. I wouldn’t recommend doing an acting career 100% without having a huge savings, some connections and doing research on what it’s like. You can take acting classes for funsies and audition if you wish too for run.
For me, I want my life to always be fun, stress-free, and adventurous. Can’t really do much about work stress if that happens, but I can limit who I give access to my time in my personal life. So high standards for friends and future partners. I want to have fun, so weekly (besides hobbies) I do something fun. Take myself out for dinner, a play, museum, tulip fields, movie, road trips, whatever. Adventurous for me is traveling to other countries and exploring their culture and food. I want to travel once a year and will work my way up to twice a year.
I always knew the “normal” life wasn’t for me. I never thought about getting married or wanting to get married. That’s another story, lol. I”m not concerned about having friends. I’ll get downvoted, but I think that I have a different mindset when it comes to living. It’s hard for me to be around people because they end up relying on me to do everything. I want proactive friends. Those are hard to find
My current goals are to have MORE fun (adulting sucks and I forgot to have fun for a while), enjoy life more (work as little as possible), and get a 6 pack (currently almost a 4 pack 😂).
Investment accounts, business, buying a home, working abroad.
Find a hobby that you absolutely love.
There has to be something that you gave up on or just thought was neat that you want to try.
Immerse yourself in that hobby.
I did that in my early 30s. I now ride dressage and do yoga. Both are great for my mind and keep me in shape. They make me feel good.
Go find your yoga and horses.
It might be collecting pens, or volunteering at the hospital, getting a dog and training the dog, painting, sports league – whatever.
Just find something that gives you fire that you want to learn all about and do every day.
Happiness. Took me waaaay too long to realize internal happiness was missing from my life. I’m still working on getting there, but I’m having fun trying.
My goal right now is to have my six packs. I have really toned abs now with 2 packs peeking, so working on the last 4 lol. Since I’m 36F, I don’t really feel like I’m on any timeline because honestly the ship for kids has kinda sailed and I don’t really care for kids, so that’s kinda good riddance. I was married before I became a widow so I had my chance at true love there. Now I don’t put myself in a hurry to find someone to pair up with because it’s important for me to be with someone who’s right for me, not because a man happens to be right there and available. Having a terrible relationship with my ex since widowed as a wake up call to never settle and to leave when it’s bad instead of working on it when he is not giving any effort. Fuck that.
It’s kinda freeing in a sense. I can do whatever I want! That’s the beauty of being an adult. Luckily I have a job and I’m still working on my second degree so I keep myself busy and I have fantastic friends that I care about, so it’s been good. I’ve been taking very good care of myself as well. That’s really important.
You can prioritise the existing relationship that you have with yourself and your social circle and family. 🙂
Travel the world
Building Emotional intelligence and resilience
Investing in your health and taking care of yourself. Physically and mentally
investing into your education, skills, and hobbies.
Fostering relationships and having a network of people from all different walks of life or having a couple of deep meaningful relationships
Living by an ethos
All these things keep the future in mind and always save for your future self.
I (F35) am not sure because I’m in a very similar place, but I’m interested to read other comments.
I think we’re very similar. I’m also single and childfree, and while I would love to meet a partner (still unsure about kids), I’ve also mostly made peace with the thought of living a single life. I also have a career that I’ve worked hard on and enjoy and am proud of. I rent as well, though I still have a roommate because I’m in such a HCOL city. I do aspire to buy a home at some point in the next few years.
I’ve been sick for the past two days, and was just walking around my apartment thinking what do I DO?? Like, I could noodle on the recorder, or maybe I could try to get back into writing, or could learn about something, or read a book. I feel like I’m in a pattern of watching tv, going on reddit, playing around in ChatGPT, reading, and talking to friends/family on the phone. I’ve wanted to get into volunteering with animals but my career makes it hard and I’m often really tired when I get home and don’t really want to go out. So…yeah I totally feel ya, it’s hard to decide what to prioritize. I love the freedom I have and I want to feel like I’m taking advantage of it more than I have been lately.
Enlightenment. I recommend starting with the teachings of Alan Watts and the book No Boundary by Ken Wilber.
I mean just live your life… I’m consumed by my hobbies.
I never wanted to have children, I half blame the miracle of life video we watched in health class for that. I’ve never really cared about marriage. Always more focused on the depth of the relationship apart from social pressures but also didn’t have the best model growing up.
You get the luxury of prioritizing what’s important to you. For me it’s learning, personal growth, and artistic expression.
Cats would be the next step
I definitely feel this! I am 33, married and childfree. We became firm in our no kids decision only within the last year, and it’s been interesting how that has changed my mindset. At first I felt like we were kind of aimless, just working, having our routine, and it felt like… is this all there is?? But I started making goals and putting energy towards achieving them, most of which focus on having as much fun as possible and enjoying life:
To some these may seem like small or silly goals but I’ve really noticed an improvement in my mental health. It helps to be working towards something for me, even if it’s just “make a set of bowls that look like they go together”!
The only goal I had when I was your age was to make a friend. I didn’t have any at the time, and I knew that I could benefit from one, even if I didn’t feel lonely. So working with my therapist, I let down my defenses enough to make two friends. And 13 years later, they are still my friends.
But that was it as far as concrete goals go. Yet I have accomplished amazing things since I was 34. I’ve kicked ass at my job and become the office rock star. I bought a house. I’ve gone to Italy, Jamaica, and Ghana, plus a bunch of cool places in the US. I am going to be published in a couple of months. None of these achievements were charted out far in advance. I just woke up one day and decided I would do them.
I’m not saying that setting long-term goals is bad, but I just don’t have much use for them. I’m more of a short-term planner. I wake up with some ideas for how I want the day to go, and then I do things to make that vision happen. I don’t think too far into the future because I feel like I can’t control what happens in the far future. I can, however, structure my day so that I feel productive by the end of it.