Disclaimer: He may not have been drunk. He only lives an hour away so we’re in the same time zone. Text was emotional and sent at 2:31am (bars close at 2am) so I am just assuming alcohol was involved.
Important Information: He and I had a daughter together. She turns 18 this year. He left me when she was 1 year old. He’s had the most MINIMAL involvement in her life. I tried to encourage him to be involved but that never panned out. The only time he was “involved” was when she was between the ages of 7 and 9. He was dating a woman who insisted that he be an active dad. The minute they broke up, he went back to being an absent father. As our daughter has aged, she’s reached out to him numerous times and every time she’s ended up frustrated and annoyed. When she was 16, she tried talking to him one more time. Whatever transpired really upset her because she blocked him on all social media and blocked his phone number. It’s been 2 years since we’ve heard from him at all.
The Meat and Potatoes: Woke up to find two message notifications on my phone.
He sent this at 2:31am – “I think about [daughter] often. It’s true. Even if both of you doubt it and despise me. . Just wanted to say that.”
And then this at 2:53 am – “I never intended for things to be this way.
I can defend myself and also come up with excuses as well as obstacles and reasonable trials but I don’t wanna fight or argue..
Just wanted to say I think about her and life.”
So… do I respond? Do I ignore it? I’m torn because on one hand, it’s not my problem. He decided to leave and hardly ever be involved. It’s not my fault he’s getting caught up in his feels, it’s entirely on him. But on the other hand, this is a violent and angry man having a vulnerable moment, I don’t want to dismiss that. It’s indicative of emotional growth and culpability and that should be encouraged with a guy like him.
I’m stuck. Any advice would be appreciated.
Comments
Honestly, I get why you’re torn. It’s such a strange position to be in when someone who caused so much hurt shows a glimpse of vulnerability years later.
If anything, maybe just a simple “I hear you” or even no reply at all. You don’t owe him a response just because he’s finally feeling something.
So he’s contacted you to let you know he cares about his daughter, right? The only reason he contacted you is because your daughter blocked him on everything?
I would just let your daughter know and let her decide if she wants to contact him or not.
It really doesn’t matter how/what he feels. He had a chance, he’s blown it.
I’d ignore it.
If he does care he has a funny way of showing it.
Honestly, if I was you, I’d block him and move forward with your life. He’s not worth your time or effort.
If he wants to say something to your daughter, he can put pen to paper and write her a letter. She can decide if she wants to open it or not. He may occasionally regret his decisions, & sometimes people can change, but she owes him nothing and neither do you.
New phone who dis
Oh, now that she’s 18 and there’s no financial obligation or anything He suddenly wants back in. This is laughable.
He will do nothing but disappoint your daughter keep him away.
In fact, I would block him
You dont, its an ex
Unearthly hours?
That’s a booty call.
Do not respond.
Be kind and give him a chance, but keep it distant, e-mails and texts. Give him a 6 month trial/probation. Good luck, peace is always better than anger and hate.
Question is, why do you have his number in the first place?
Why are you entertaining this ????
Do not respond he is your X for a reason. Block and move on
No response is best response. Daughter is 18 she gets to decide what she wants.
Coming out of the woodwork as not w he has no financial responsibility and maybe all his other supplies have dried up.
Ignore it. Why wake a sleeping dog. My guess is your daughter might regret trying to revive a relationship that never really was. Especially over a drunken guber.
Tell your daughter and act accordingly as someone who had a very strange father son relationship its sometimes worth hearing them out but this would be the final chance if your daughter even cares at all I myself have already said I have zero interest in finding my dad as he clearly has none in finding me
Yes respond. Why wouldn’t he be thinking about her? It’s his daughter. Of course he thinks about her. They should clear up their relationship. Every daughter needs her dad whether she thinks so now or not. You will will find her searching for I’m on all the new men she meets, both good and bad. Save her now from heartache because she needs the one she lost.