My boyfriend (18M) of a few months broke up with me (19F) a few days ago through messages. I feel crazy and know I’m not coping well and just need some advice. Nothing felt off before the break up except for the day he broke up with me. I saw him the night before and we had sex too, yet the entire time he was thinking about breaking up with me, making me feel used by him. I’m just so so mad and upset and don’t know what to do. I couldn’t believe he broke up with me through messages. Not even a call. I have not been doing good since, not eating or sleeping properly and my friends took me to town. The entire time I was thinking about him and how I wouldn’t be doing the things I was doing if he was there with me. I never thought he would hurt me like this. I just need some advice on what to do, and how I can be okay again?
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You’re not wrong to feel “used”. But unfortunately one of the perils of dating a teenager is that they may not have the maturity to handle a breakup in the most sensitive way. But this was only a “few months” old, not really time to fall in love or give your heart completely. So try to lean into “so so mad”. Anger is an easier emotion to manage than sorrow. Go take kickboxing class, or go on a long run. Expend the rage in the energy you put into physical activity. It won’t remove what he’s done from your mind, but physical exhaustion and the endorphins released by exercise will lesson what you’re feeling. Eventually you’ll maybe even find some humor in the awkward way this barely-an-adult handled the situation – knowing that you’re far more mature because you can recognize how dumb it was.
Unfortunately it sounds like he’s not in the headspace of “dating leads to serious relationship, and eventually marriage.” I had a boyfriend like that when I was your age, and I knew deep down it wasn’t a good relationship, although it was fun while it lasted. same thing, had sex the day before he broke up with me, like some last hoorah. I didn’t find actual closure until years later when we had a conversation and I realized he didn’t mature AT ALL, and he was just a scrub at that point. You are so young and take this as a wonderful work of the universe that you only knew this dbag for a few months.