So my husband and I got married last June and I started my PhD in August. I’m at an R1 institution in the US. We told ourselves we would wait four years until I was done with my PhD to have a family when we were putting together our life plan. However, 100 days before our wedding, my husband was diagnosed with a brain tumor. When we found out about the tumor, I immediately thought “We should have a baby.” His tumor was benign, but we went through radiation treatment in the months leading up to our wedding. The whole experience was terrible, but he is okay now and we are really fortunate.
Ever since I had that first thought, I haven’t been able to shake it and it actually just keeps getting stronger. I am taking an extra course each semester and a Summer course, and will be done with PhD coursework in December and then I will just be writing, finishing milestones, competencies etc.. My husband and I talk about having a baby almost daily. I do want to finish the degree and dropping out of school isn’t an option (I am on a federal grant and there is a payback clause).
I am not sure if anyone has first hand experience, but how crazy would it be for us to start our family while I am in my program? We have thought about trying to time it around the end of my second year (all of my milestones, coursework, competencies, and exams will be done). In my third and fourth year, I will need to do a considerable amount of work publishing and writing, but I could do it from home, theoretically. Husband has a good job and we are financially very secure. I would like to finish the program in four years, but some people take 4.5-5 years. The campus has a daycare for students, and it is right next to my office. I know other students who send their children there and have been really happy with it.
I also think it’s relevant that I am in Special Education. My program is rigorous, don’t get me wrong, but my experience is very different from the experiences that people in other departments have. I am also grant funded and not working on an assistantship, so I have “20 hours a week of work related to my professional interests” that I am expected to do, but the program is really tailored towards my development as a researcher. Advisor is at the end of his career, has no active projects running, so really the program is very much self-directed and self-guided.
Any advice is appreciated!!
Comments
If you are financially secure, have health insurance, and can work out a maternity leave and flexible work schedule with your advisor I think it would be fine. Anecdotally I know a couple of planned pregnancies by grad students and I think they found it doable especially if you have a stable financial situation. If you are in a union you probably have mat leave otherwise it may be up to your advisor. I honestly think the flexibility of mid grad school can be a good spot to have a kid, if you are considering an academic career, opportunities are tight for like ten years so definitely go for it if you can make it work now.