Being an intense ipad kid growing up turned my brain into mush. Its feels pretty nice being mindlessly addicted when you’re 7 years old, but when you’re 16 and still addicted its just sad as hell.
I have a crippling addiction which means I average 12 hours of screentime a day from using my laptop, phone, TV and ipad. To get an idea, all of those hours are spent being on tiktok, youtube, roblox, minecraft, other videogames every tv show and movie imaginable, insta, discord, all other social medias.
As a kid, I was already very shy and reclusive. Then I got a hold of videogames and youtube on my parent’s phone when I was 4 and I was obsessed. Then they gave me my own ipad when I was like 6, and it just spiralled from there.
I was basically raised on the internet and I spent unhealthy amounts of time on my ipad every single day of my childhood, NEVER going outside.
I’ve spent hundreds of days where the only thing I’d do was scroll on my phone or ipad and I’ve almost never went out of the house, or my room, for things beside school.
Of course it led to stuff like me finding out what porn and gore was at the the age of 5. Me dicking around way too much on video games and just being consumed by the most brainless mind numbing content on the internet like a lifeless zombie. I became an awkward, insecure, and reclusive loser with terrible eyesight just from looking at screens for that long.
Now I don’t understand the most basic mundane stuff, like, how a bank account works, how to take the bus, how to clean your own clothes or cook, and how to talk to someone normally. I mean the most basic skills you can think of.
in fact one of the most embarrassing things about me is that I have an American accent, even though I’ve lived my entire life in Australia. That’s because I’ve spent so much time on the internet growing up, I learned how to speak from American media rather than other people around me in real life.
i’m lazy, incompetent, and unable to go outside because I’m scared and don’t know how to do anything. I haven’t mentally or physically grown since I was 11.
I actually don’t know how to think for myself.
I realise the only way to learn and grow is to experience things yourself and make mistakes, but by not going outside, I didn’t do any of that.
So I never grew smart, or grew thick skin and now I feel like sobbing when someone slightly raises their voice at me. I struggle to form basic sentences or hold normal short conversations with people and I regularly cause an annoying amount of problems for everyone around me because I can’t communicate.
I need constant entertainment 24/7 through screens or music or something playing in the background. My attention span is basically gone and it leads me to fidget uncontrollably or zone out completely. I’m doing horrible in school.
The way I live is so unhealthy and horrendous and full of nothing. I struggle to remember what my life has been because every day is the same thing. Entertain myself on my phone, alone inside my room, lying on my bed, every single day.
It’s made me become embarrassingly incompetent and lazy. But because i’m incompetent, I don’t know how to get out of this horrible miserable routine. And because i’m lazy, even though I recognise my life is a awful, I don’t have enough motivation and drive in me to actually try and change something. I think I’ve given up.
I’m too stupid to live
If anyone out there is a parent I beg them please don’t let your child be like me. At the very least make them do a sport or hobby and make them go outside regularly. Literally anything helps.
Although I think the reason why my parents let me go on my ipad so much is because they’re very addicted to their phones too. It’s kinda depressing.
Anyway. I literally cant see a future for myself where I somehow beome a capable functioning adult member of society. I’ve basically crippled myself for the rest of my life and its all because I couldn’t get off the damn ipad
Comments
Yeah it’s something I’ve made sure to avoid with my kids. Screentime is unlimited subject to a few rules.
That plus making sure they have done their own laundry since they could reach the buttons, and cooking either breakfast or dinner since they could reach the stove have helped.
Some tips for your situation.
And a final note – don’t worry about the quantity of people you hang out with. Odds are you won’t see most of them after high school if you leave your local area. I talk to literally 4 people from my youth. Consider this your social skills tutorial. You got distracted by side quests and forgot to start it til now but you’ll catch up surprisingly quick if you grind it out
EDIT: oh and bank accounts – I didn’t know how they worked until I was 18 and the military made me open one because we were always paycheck to paycheck growing up. You’ll be fine. Bankers are more than happy to answer your questions.
You’re 16 years old, and your life is far from over. It’s also not too late to make a change. You literally just need to start lifting weights and read a book once in a while.
It’s just called growing up, I first started figuring things out when I went away to college and started living on my own.
It’s good that you at least acknowledge there’s stuff you don’t know, just start learning them.
don’t feel so hopeless. it’s never too late to grow into the kind of person you want to be. you’re gonna be okay
I’m 28 and bought my first new car and had to figure out how that process works of buying a car as my dad helped me the first time.
You are not supposed to be perfect and know everything, you are still 16.
The first step to fixing a problem is identifying it. Take the next step and ask for help.
I mean honestly I think it’s way more your parents’ fault for just letting their kid stay indoors on screens 24/7. I had an iPad at the age of 4 but all I really used it for was cat fails on YouTube and dragon city, mind you influencers and all those streamers and stuff weren’t a thing when I was that age, and I didn’t get social media until I was like 15 of my own free will. Still though you’re not hopeless ;-; like someone else said if you’re only 16 then bro u still have plenty of time to “turn this around” ig. I mean at least you recognize it’s a problem instead of just continuing to live as if it’s alright 🤷♀️
Im sorry to hear your struggles but you are being a bit over dramatic, you are still 16, you are still a kid, and everything you said, it’s fixable by yourself, investigate how banks works, go outside and just walk, experience new things, I don’t want to say you aren’t a victim, but you are still young enough to fix all of it instead of feeling defeated, feel like it’s a new challenge.
Every new parent should read this post.
If you spend hours a day on YouTube, I’m sure you can find several channels with basic life advice such as how bank accounts work, how to take the bus, and how to do laundry
It’s an addiction, you can get over it, it will take effort and discipline but it’ll also be very rewarding. Set yourself a list of skills you wish you had, and start practicing them. The age you are now you’ll be a quick learner, in fact many people (including me) took years longer to realize they needed to change!
You can be over this in 6 months or less. I quit a much worse addiction somewhat recently and I was a completely new man in less than a year.
I’m sorry you had such negligent parents, but you can still live a good life. Get into therapy to treat your addiction.
You sound extremely intelligent and self aware. Self awareness is such an amazing trait and can take people many years to develop, yet you have it so young! You have so much hope. I’m sorry for all your struggles and you’ll have ups and downs, but you have your whole life to grow and take on new experiences.
Your story scares me because my 13 year old spends too much time online, I co parent with her dad and he refused to set limits on it out bring her to do hobbies etc. So I’m fighting so hard to get her interested in other stuff, while I can’t limit tech too much because she’ll just want to go and live at her dad’s where she gets free reign. But I see the negative effect all these instant short videos and games have on her and its not good. I think we are going to have many, many people having stories like yours before all parents wake up and do something about this problem. Good luck
There’s no one could ever fix that but yourself only,
I suggest you to go outside and do something creative.
Fake ass account just created to make this post. Why do you do this? What kind of personal vendetta do you have with iPads?
Damn, you missed out on an Australian accent? I’d be kicking myself too.
> I became an awkward, insecure, and reclusive loser with terrible eyesight just from looking at screens for that long.
>Now I don’t understand the most basic mundane stuff, like, how a bank account works, how to take the bus, how to clean your own clothes or cook, and how to talk to someone normally. I mean the most basic skills you can think of.
Take a deep breath. You’re 16, one of the most awkward and insecure times of many peoples lives. You’re still growing and figuring things out but you’re also ready to be an adult and be taken seriously and interact with other adults. You’ll learn and eventually what seemed awkward won’t be.
Long before smartphones and tablets there were plenty of grown ass adults who didn’t understand how bank accounts work, and there are still plenty who can’t navigate mass transit. Same with doing laundry and cooking.
You have identified some things in your life that you want to work on. You are young. All of the things you mention are easily fixable given time and effort. You have not been irreparably harmed by spending a lot of time on various devices. You’ll be ok.
This isn’t something you can pin on the screens, it’s a deeper mental issue.
I was constantly on screens as a kid, on my PC 24/7, always some form of entertainment on etc, but I didn’t become lazy, incompetent, I know how to cook, do laundry, talk to someone, get good grades. It even lead to me getting a career in Cybersecurity.
It’s easy to point at something to say it’s caused all of your issues but you should be pointing at yourself.
Def smells like the work of a boomer.
Gen Z is really cooked. You’re not alone. It’s good you are recognizing this and can start to heal yourself and fill in your learning gaps.
Clearly you’re not unintelligent, and one thing you haven’t lost is your self-awareness. Those traits are the cornerstone of success in life. You’ve got to be extremely internally motivated to retrain yourself on how to focus and grow, however.
You are so self aware of your situation it’s almost redundant to even continue pondering it. You are young and your brain is still maluable, this is reversable damage. You have 2 choices: 1: Continue to tell yourself you are permanently lazy and incompotent, or 2: Reevaluate your identity and become who you wish you were. You have the hardest part down which is recognizing the problem. Spend the energy you just spent typing this to develop a new hobby or skill. Read, write, get out. You’re so young you have time!
Dude you’re 16, you were basically born yesterday. If you start getting your shit together now, you’ll actually be doing it earlier than most people (who typically start thinking about what the hell they are doing with their life in their late twenties / early thirties). Your post clearly demonstrate maturity, self-introspection and lucidity. You’ve got what it takes to get things started.
Ok but now you know. You’re old
Enough to make changes and stop blaming
Others. Now
This is on you. Change it if it
Bothers
You.
To be honest, I didn’t have ipad and phones and screens when I was growing up, but I was such a socially awkward odd duck kid when I was 15. Now I’m a social butterfly, you just need to learn how to socialize.
Go camping or do something to completely disconnect for a week. At first you’ll be restless, irritated, and literally going through withdrawal. By the end of the week you won’t want to go back to your phone. The peace and quiet of not being chained to your phone is freeing in a way you need to experience firsthand
this is so fake lol
Hey, at least you recognize it and see that it’s a problem. That’s the first step to beating addiction. Now you have to actively do things to beat that addiction.
You say this but your self awareness is a blessing. Unfortunately your parents did you a disservice you’re now going to have to address. It’s going to be very hard but you’re going to have to break the auction and learn life skills and to socialize. If your parents are involved, ask for therapy. If not, talk to someone at school about it. Major kudos to you for being aware if it.
First off, as a mom, I want to say I’m so sorry you had absolutely no guidance, direction, or love in your life.
I have a 10 y.o. who is addicted but I like to “ground” him often to detox. We lost the wifi a few months back, and he hasn’t been on anything but games on the switch or Xbox, and I limit his time most of the time, no YT thank god. I make him read for about 2 hrs and practice math or learn some kind of skill.
He is such a bubbly person and full of life and joy.
When he’s so deep into games and I ask him to shut it down, his demeanor changes horribly. Hence, the detox I do often.
It’s not easy when everything is tech, or like we live in a state that’s been going on its 6th month of cold so the majority of activities are inside and video games is a part of all our lives to some degree, but when I see he’s zombies out playing for too long I’ll give him his warning to shut down in 5 minutes, like a count down, I noticed this really helps him adjust and shut down easier with none of the mood shifts.
Maybe if you disciplined yourself little by little?
U are aware of the problem, and that is one of the biggest steps you’ve already leaped to, and at such a young age, clearly you’re very aware.
You are young tho, if an old lady like me can make drastic and deep changes to my mental and physical so can you.
You may be stuck now, but now since u are aware, it’s your duty to make the small 1% at a time changes to fulfill yourself 100% in the long run. Baby steps are completely fine.
Forgive your parents but create distance and remind yourself YOU ARE NOT THEM.
You are an individual with SO much life ahead of him and this moment of realization you’re having is meant to hurt you and embarrass ypu because it’s going to PUSH you maybe even LAUNCH you into finding a way.
Don’t give up.
You got this. I’m here. I’ve helped my kids and I heal from alot of the damage I was dealt with and didn’t heal from before having kids so we healed together, now their off doing life and I’m proud of them, I changed their future by simply talking to them and loving them, not forcing anything just engaging often.
I still do. And I can talk to you too. I’m here if you need someone hun, I can push you and maybe guide you in a way ✨️
Your circumstances don’t become you. You are stronger than that
You sound like you could use some talk therapy so that you can learn to express yourself with words. You are actually a compelling and concise writer, so don’t sell yourself short. You have an interesting story. You seem quite clever and creative, but maybe a bit on the autistic or ADHD side? Keep a journal – keep writing. You just haven’t found your niche. Don’t give up you are so very, very young. You can ask AI to help you how to do some of the life tasks that you can’t do and may feel embarrassed to ask others.
You seem intelligent and have a strong sense of self awareness. These are great traits that will get you far in life.
Start small. Go to the library once a week just to browse. Go to a convenience store to grab a quick drink. Eventually, you will become a regular, and making small talk (e.g. a simple “hello” to the cashier) will get easier.
You are right – you will never grow if you keep your life stagnant. Your parents failed you, but you have the capacity and will power to do something about it.
You’re not too stupid to live. You’re smart enough to understand you have a problem. That’s something that most addicts don’t ever come to terms with.
If you want to change, use your addiction to your benefit. Look up how-to videos for things like cooking, cleaning, laundry, and whatever hobbies you think you might want to try. Then, start to copy the videos. You could even check out videos that specifically target this behavior. I’m sure youtube is awash with self-help videos that target internet addiction.
When I realized I was too consumed by screens, I started getting into sewing, painting, cooking, and exercising. I watched YouTube videos to get an idea of the tools I’d need, then I’d follow instructional videos for making a tee shirt or baking and decorating a cake. After I got comfortable enough with my beginner skills, I started buying physical books with more advanced recipes and patterns. I spend way less time on my phone now.
I’d also suggest seeking out a therapist who specializes in addiction. Being addicted to the internet is super difficult to manage because, in many ways, you have to use it occasionally. I’m sure people would argue you don’t, but it’s unrealistic to never use it. It’s not like drugs or alcohol where you can just abstain and never touch it again.
I’m serious when I say that you are already leaps and bounds ahead of a lot of folks. Just recognizing that you have a problem shows that you’re smarter than most of the folks I meet in AA. It took me 15 years to accept that I was an alcoholic. You’re, what, 16? I wish I had your self-awareness at 30!
You’re young enough to be able to make a significant change without really disrupting your development. And if you start trying to change now, the entire rest of your life will be so drastically improved. It’s hard to imagine how much time a person has in their life, and it’s easy to think you can start later or it won’t matter. But that is the addict part of your brain lying to you to get you to stay in your addiction. It’s the same lying voice that alcoholics and drug addicts hear when their brain says “just one more.”
I read this quote, and I truly feel it applies here. “It’s easier to do it than to live with the fear of it.”
Time to get sober bud! It won’t come easy, and it won’t happen fast, but if you keep pushing yourself to improve, you’ll look back in a year and be amazed by your progress.
Being aware & concerned at 16 is a good sign. Do t worry too much, just try to fit in some more productive hobbies & quality time with the people you enjoy.
You’re 16. You have plenty of time to learn and change.
Try listening to educational podcasts and there’s a bunch of youtube pages with tutorials on basic life skills. Going outside could literally mean sitting outside or sitting on a park bench. It’s not some out of world experience.
Hey there, I’m a mom of kids who are around the age you were when you became an iPad kid. I grew up in the 90s and was your age in the early 2000s. I still felt like an incompetent loser with no social skills as a 16 year old despite years of competitive sports, music lessons, girls scouts, and other social and educational activities. And I make sure both my kids are enrolled in a sport at least 3 days a week and spend time playing outside with the neighborhood kids on the weekends.
I completely agree that the iPad kid issue is a huge contributing factor to your experience, but I’m trying to convey that a lot of the feelings you describe are normal for people who weren’t raised like you too. So you’re not completely lost.
I think that you actually communicated yourself extremely well in this writing. You expressed your feelings and described your circumstances in depth.
It’s never too late to work on your brain. If you’re struggling in school ask for help. Does your school offer peer to peer tutoring or after school homework help? Can you make yourself stop by a library and do homework for 60-90 minutes before going home? It sounds like you have a lot of free time which can give you a lot of options! Also check your local library for teen classes/clubs/events. A lot of times they do fun little groups for card games, board games, or creative arts.
My friend, just based on how well you wrote this post, it’s obvious you are very smart. Also it’s amazing that at your age you already have such a great self awareness. Some good advice I’ve seen in the comments include exercise and trying to meet new people offline.
Ultimately in life we need to take risks. That usually involves getting the proverbial shit beat out of us and getting hurt. Honestly it’s so worth it. You won’t ever regret it. Maybe your answer is to get offline and build a different life for yourself.
Im so confused didnt you go to school?
It takes 28 days to build a habit.
I challenge you to hit the gym for 28 days in a row, for at least like 30 minutes. Easy ask
I urge you to try to reduce stimuli. If you’re playing a game, dont also have youtube playing. If you’re eating, eat. Have something on in the background but dont be scrolling or touching your screen while you eat. Doing things while you eat is a REALLY quick way to accidentally Pavlov yourself
Try to not touch a phone or screen as soon as you lay in your bed. If at first that means you stay downstairs or on the couch or whatever 30 min longer than you usually do thats fine, but keep your bed for sleeping. The brain connects activities to where you do them. Telling your brain your bed is a “phone spot” is asking for screen addictions
You’re young, your brain is still REALLY easily reprogrammed. Help it out
Others have mentioned great advice of how to put yourself out there and make a change. I just want to add that you’re not alone in this, and ultimately your parents should be ashamed of themselves. They failed you.
In 2009, I don’t think young adults realized how damaging social media and the internet was becoming for kids quite yet. The term iPad kid wasn’t even popular until a couple years later. So I understand how this phenomenon started from a place of ignorance. But once you were showing signs of addiction and lack of interest in any other aspects of your life, your parents should have absolutely stepped in.
Parents are supposed to guide their kids into becoming a functioning member of society. They should have been setting limits on your screen time, including you in household chores, helping you focus on your classes, and putting you in extracurriculars or sports so that you could find the activities and people you like. They should have been supporting you instead of neglecting your needs. This is what good parents do.
Not to mention that you were only around 11 when the pandemic happened. Covid is going to have had such a huge impact on the younger generations that we are only really starting to uncover. You were still growing and learning so much about yourself and the world at that age. So when it is filled with screens and isolation instead of social interaction and discovery, that is bound to have consequences.
All of this to say that you were not set up for success. However, you can still take your life into your own hands and find success in your own way. You are going down a path that is not going to make you happy, and you already recognize that. While you show a good sense of self awareness in this post, you are being way too hard on yourself. This place you’re in is not your fault. All of these social media platforms and video games are literally designed to hold your attention for as much time as possible. This is how they make money and almost everyone with access to the internet today has fallen victim to it for some period of time.
Try to start going on 30 minute walks around your neighborhood. Ask your parents to show you how they cook your favorite meal. Maybe see if someone at school who likes to play video games too wants to hangout and play them together. Just start with small changes that get you out and about, seeing that the world isn’t so scary and these things aren’t as hard as you think.
I would also really recommend seeking some sort of therapy. When I was spending as much time as you do looking at screens, I faced a lot of anxiety around functioning as a normal human being in the world. I think that opening up to a professional who is completely neutral and only there for your benefit could really help you in casual conversation. You could talk to the school counselor now, talk to your parents about getting a therapist, or just wait until your 18 and do it on your own. (You can watch youtube videos on how to find a therapist in your network with your insurance. You will be on your parent’s health insurance plan until you are 26 so you don’t have to worry about that for a while.)
As others have said, you’re still so young and you have so much life ahead of you. Things are going to get better. Good luck kid!
Ah youre a fellow aussie… no worries mate your mandatory alcoholic/coke phase is about to hit and now youll only have those issues while sober /s
The first step into becoming better is to acknowledge that you need to become better by getting rid of unhealthy habits. You are young, so you have plenty of years to go before your brain fully develops. So till then, you have plenty of time to reverse this addiction. If yall can afford it, i would recommend looking into therapists who specialize in phone addiction.
But first, try to understand your triggers for this, and set up rules to curb its usage, even if theyre small.
I provided a link below that may be helpful in modifying your screen usage:
https://www.helpguide.org/mental-health/addiction/smartphone-addiction
I also recommend getting the minimalist app. I have it, and it really helps me keep track of my social media time, and simplifies my phone.
Remember: any step is a great step towards greatness. Dont stress too much!