What does it mean when a guy says “i love you when drunk” but always says it was a mistake, when sober?
I dated this guy for 3 months. Everything was great. He was the perfect guy, sensitive, consistent, respectful, very sweet and patient.
By month tow he said he loved me, but he was drunk. I didn’t want to say it back while he was drunk or until i gelt 100% sure id feel the same.
One week after that, everything changed.
We went to a birthday party (a friend of his) and he left me for a while with this couple, his best friend and his best friend. Meanwhile he was very drunk, having fun talking to everyone in the party. I felt a bit awkward after a while, to be honest. A bit uncomfortable, like, why did you invite me if we’re not gonna spend time together?
Anyways, while he was with friends, this girl asked me how things were going and I said great. She talked about her relationship too, and I said it was great they were posting on social media even when they were not official yet. I said I wanted to do the same but this guy wasn’t happy about it, so out of respect I never posted anything. But I wanted to let other people know about us, publicly.
This girl also told me how the guy I dated had been drinking since 10 am that day, that’s why we used Uber. I said I wasn’t very happy using Uber because the city we live in is not safe at all. If I had known we were going to use Uber, I would’ve said im not coming. That’s it. Not a complaint. Just chatting.
This guy noticed I texted a friend of mine saying he was drunk and I was alone and started being defensive. First time he behaved like that. I chose to go home and 2 hours later he called me to tell me his female friend I talked to, had talked to him on their way home and he said “I think there are a lot of things you don’t like about me. We should leave things there”.
We did. We gave it another chance, then for one more month. Then he broke up with me over text, no explanation. I asked for reasons he said it wasn’t about me. Days later he said many mean things like how we’re not compatible because i am mediocre and dont eeally care about making money. He said being smart is not about degrees only (I agree) and that he was impressed at first that I had 2 masters degrees. He also said he doesn’t feel a spark or missed me when we were apart. But from that moment, he called drunk every 2 weeks or so. He always said he missed me, he loved me but we cant be together or he wanted to have sex with me but how that’s also not rigth. Last time he did that was last week. I told hom if we both want the same thing, why are we wasting time. I asked if hes dating someone and he said no. We agreed to meet and when i called him later that week he said he couldn’t.
I got angry and said we should stop talking and then he blocked me from WhatsApp and Instagram.
I feel like i definitely made mistakes but also, i feel like for some reason, maybe his friends influence, he’s repressing his feelings and these may come up when he’s drunk.
I’d like to point out that I offered a friend with benefits relationship after we stopped dating and talking for a while. I can only have sex when I truly feel attracted to someone and feel safe with that person. So, after 2 years of celibacy I thought it wouldn’t harm anyone. We both think the sex we had was great, he said it too. However, last time we had sex he was the one who hugged me and kissed me. Las phone call he said our sex wasn’t only sex, but also intimacy.
I’m an overthinker as you can see, I just want your opinions and any advice to understand and deal with this situation. For closure at least.
Comments
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He sounds like an unstable alcoholic who blows hot and cold, messes you about, and doesn’t know what he wants (possibly partly because he is under the influence much of the time).
The fact that he actually broke up with you over text once and insulted your character would make me not want to be anywhere near this nasty trainwreck of a person.
Alcoholic LOSER
I am a guy. In my experience, guys like this are unstable – he’s being honest with you when he expresses feelings of love, and he’s being honest with you when he expresses feelings of dislike and contempt.
He just wildly shifts between them because he doesn’t understand his own feelings and he doesn’t have his own shit together. He can’t hold a consistent like or dislike of you because he has a total inability to regulate and understand his own emotions. I think it’s very likely he’s engaging in substance abuse, not just alcohol but other drugs too – wild mood swings are a common side effect of substance abuse.
There is no secret love buried underneath. There is only mood swings and some form of borderline on the DSM. Guys who are deeply in love do not break up with their partners and insult them and block them.
Stop thinking about him and what he wants for a second, and start asking yourself if this is how you’d like to be treated? Why are you okay with any of this? His mess is his mess, but you’re also a bit of a disaster in all of this (meant in the kindest way). Why are you putting up with this? I’m worried about you. He sounds like an asshole who’s going to put himself first and get what he wants.
You are too old to not know when you’re with someone that is unbalanced. Is that really what you’re settling for?
What it means is run far away
Ewww. What are you doing dating a guy 9 years younger than yourself, expecting a guy in his 20’s to be mature? You write within your fourth sentence that he is “the perfect guy,” yet at least seven times, you write that he is a drunk. You deserve so much better. Dump him and block him. Move on.
U remind me of someone who said I love you to get me in bed 🙄 I thought it was real but nope lol did I feel bad? Nah sometimes the guy gets so caught in moment of heat will say it loud 🤦♀️ Anyway, leave him if he doesn’t love you, u don’t need to be hurting over his words u deserve someone better than him.
He is a classic example of someone with an alcohol use disorder. Alcohol addiction can be just as devastating as a drug addiction, but it can be overcome.
In the mean time though he is going to be a rollercoaster of a person, that will derail his life and your life until he seeks help, and wants to recover. Until he does that, be a supportive friend. But do not consider getting into anything romantic with him.