Guy [29M] I [29F] have been seeing for 5 months says I’m everything he wants but something is missing. I went no contact to move on, but have doubts whether he’s making a mistake or am I just delusional?

r/

I [29F] have been seeing a guy [29M] for about 5 months. I made the mistake of following my initial gut instinct, as I felt we were too different when we met, and I told him in the very first date I didn’t see a future with him (so not to waste his time). But we just really liked each other, and so we kept seeing each other casually (but boxed our relationship as a temporary not long-term one).

Long story short, I fell for him, and all the differences didn’t matter anymore. I asked if we could try giving it a proper chance, as I was too insecure in the casual situation and wasn’t happy with it anymore. He said on paper, I have everything he’s ever wanted in a girl, he’s had the best relationship he’s ever had with me, I’m the best sex he’s ever had, and he loves me and fully trusts me and feels safe with me. BUT he feels something is missing and he’s genuinely terrified of hurting me/trying something with me and that not changing.

Part of me thinks it’s because he categorized our relationship as non-serious from the start (of my own doing), and he is quite anxious, and has been hurt badly before. But it is very possible I might be delusional and I’m just not what he’s looking for.

He said he wanted to keep me in his life, and cried during our last conversation, but I said I needed to go no contact to move on, as I can’t force him to feel a certain way/choose me. I don’t plan on reaching out. But I just can’t help but wonder about this “missing thing”, if it’s real, if he’s made a mistake etc… has anyone experienced something similar? Was it true/the right decision? Or was is a mistake/something that you regretted later?

TL;DR: I [29F] have been seeing a guy [29M] for about 5 months casually. He says I’m everything he’s ever wanted, but he feels something is missing but can’t put it into words and is terrified to try something with me being unsure. I went no contact to move on, and plan on keeping it that way, but can’t help and wonder if anyone has experienced something like this, if it was the right decision or something regretted later.

Comments

  1. cc_bcc Avatar

    I’ve had a relationship where it was everything I wanted on paper but something was missing. The ‘something’ was emotional availability and connection. 

    I ended it after 10 months then found out later on that he went back to his ex gf before me and that they had told people they went on ‘hiatus’ for 6 months…which leaves 4 months of WTF for me.

    Regardless, he was still into his ex and just wasnt emotionally available. He had no business dating me at all.

    I’d let it go and move on..you deserve to be with someone who enthusiastically wants you!