So a few months ago a man started messaging me online and we’ve been communicating on a regular basis. We’ve both shared personal information about our lives from time to time. This guy lives with his parents and has told me that his brother doesn’t live with him. He will mention his sister and other family members but rarely talks about his brother.
Long story short while on google I was able to find a guy with the same name as his brothers who was arrested for a few things (possession of a narcotic, home invasion, and multiple larceny offenses). Now I’m not completely sure if this IS his brother. But the name, city, and age all match up. So there is a very good chance this could be his brother. The only issue is I don’t know what his brother looks like in order to know for sure.
It feels weird knowing that he hasn’t shared this. I know I’m not entitled to this information, but I’ve shared personal information about my family with him. I thought about mentioning it to him but I’m worried about offending him.
Edit: I’m a woman and he’s romantically interested in me which is why I feel a bit weird about this. Also, anytime I ask about his brother he gives me vague responses about his job and other things. He’s also told me that he’s no longer close to him but I didn’t think anything of it.
I also know that it’s a bit weird for me to find this information. But again I don’t know him and just wanted to be safe while talking to a stranger.
Comments
As a general rule, no one is going to tell you their brother is a criminal without a very good reason to do so. And bringing it up will expose you for being the stalker you are.
Just play it cool.
I get why you’re uncomfortable. If you’re close enough, bring it up casually, like, “I saw something online, is that your brother?” Let him decide if he wants to share more. Be prepared for any reaction.
Just ask why he doesn’t talk about his brother that much
If the brother has been arrested and gone to jail, there will be mugshots. Hopefully there are identifying tattoos, because brothers tend to look like each other.
I can sort of relate to your situation. I was FWB with a wonderful man. He wanted to be more than friends but I couldn’t bring myself to date him because of his brother. I know, it’s dumb. He did mention his brother’s criminal record, in and out of a jail, a total jerk, misogynistic, drug head, lived off his parents and couldn’t hold a job. The reason it kept me from moving forward was because his brother kept getting in trouble with the law would more often than not interfere with what he had going on or plans we made. His brother would call him shitfaced drunk for rides home, call him to bail him out, ask for money, treat me like I wasn’t even there or make rude remarks under his breath.
To this day we remain good friends, we talk everyday but nothing sexual. He’s engaged now and I’m happy for him. I truly am. Sometimes I think to myself if I made the wrong decision by letting him go. His brother has been in jail for 4 years now and is expected to be released later this year. Not my problem anymore.
Trust your gut. This guy might be worth keeping.
It’s not your business. You are not entitled to that information, just as he is not responsible for his brothers actions. It’s crazy you feel “weird” he didn’t share that. Why would you expect him too? You alrdy said he doesn’t mention his brother much