So as the title explains. If say you had a friend who is a staunch lesbian but sexuality and romance are separate for her? If she was down to have fun with you, would that be cool or would the hard boundary of never dating be a deal breaker and insulting?
Thank you, kindly a lesbian who’s curiosity about her old high-school friends is getting out of hand.
Comments
All men would wear that as a badge of honor.
I hate to break it to you, but I don’t think you’re a lesbian.
Had a girl that used to hang out with our car club and we became friends, but she was pretty flirty and touchy. She had a GF so I never really took it as anything. She finally just said her GF gave her a hall pass for me whenever she wants. So I said yeah. Then it got really really complicated and ended very very ugly.
If you are into casual sex, a lay is a lay.
I’d assume she was in denial about being bi.
Probably wouldnb’t say so, though – no point in messing up a sure thing.
I don’t sleep around and am only interested in straight relationships of depth, so that would automatically be a polite but firm “No thank you,” from me. Best of luck figuring out what to do with your feelings, though.
I don’t think, of if I were single, I could pass up the opportunity to have sex with a woman who was willing to have sex with me.
Like a regular FWB, or one night stand, no regular couples activities?
I doubt many men would turn that down.
Sexual history isn’t really a factor for me. If you’re cool, and we’re down to clown, let’s do it, y’know?
My biggest issue would be that my oral skills are competing with the planet’s leading experts lol
I’m a straight guy and, call me old fashioned but I’ve never wanted to have sex with a dude.
You are bi, sis.
so like one night stand with a lesbian? I mean if shes nice about it and isn’t treating me as just an experience and not an actual person. then im down to do it for fun yeah
If it was honest up front, sure.
Sex for me needs some level of connection, and friendship meets that.
If a man is into casual sex he will say yes.
For a FWB type situation I don’t see a problem.
I imagine that there are several guys who would absolutely be down for that. You just have to be careful yourself. Most people in general have a hard time separating physical intimacy from romantic feelings. If you want to casually have sex with someone you should make it very clear that’s what it is with absolutely no intentions whatsoever to the possibility of a relationship and you should state it several times… However even with that there are those who wouldn’t take you seriously and want a relationship or expect some form of relationship. Casual sex doesn’t usually end well.
I’d turn her down.
I simply dont have the firepower for a lesbian
If I was single and she ain’t ugly, we’d be fucking.
I would much rather have sex than not have sex.
I’d really try my best to bring the A level head game.
I’d definitely think it’s a setup or prank.
Well first of all I’d think maybe you’re actually bi, or just bi-curious? Plenty of straight people flirt with some bi-curiosity and find they’re bi, or maybe less perfectly straight or gay, or maybe it’s just a fleeting curiosity.
But as for me personally I’d be flattered as long as they’re someone I’m passingly attracted to, and I’d be down to help them explore that curiosity if we’re not incredibly close, mostly to avoid blowing up a social circle or community if things are weird.
I’m not really a one night stand kind of guy but I am a generally curious person, so as long as I think I’d enjoy it and I feel like it would be a curious experience I’d be interested.
Honestly, as a guy who has had FWBs. I’d be fine with it. I’ve had friends approach me because they way wanted to try something out and felt safe with me. It’s only happened a couple times, but was good fun for me. So if a friend wanted to explore I’d help her and keep my mouth shut.
…and no strings attached, GAME ON!!!
Depends on if you are treating the guy as a curiosity or not.
I’m not interested in being used.
Doing the math, if my friendGirl (F) and I (M) were smashing, but friendGirl (F) loves the kitty, 2 things:
I wouldn’t make the 1st move on any woman who claims to be exclusively lesbian, but if she made the 1st move on me I’d consider dating her.
When it happened to me I took it as a compliment.
Who comes up with these questions?
Being effiminate & non threatening pulls chicks after all. Take that, masculinity influencers!
My lesbian friend who I probably love dearly wants to have sex with me BUT no relationship? So nothing to fuck up, only upside?
I’d be thrilled.
I’ve been in this situation and I’m totally OK with it. She was obviously a lesbian when we met but we got along at work like nobody else. We would talk and laugh non stop. It was like we were an old couple that had been married for decades.
She finally told me after a few weeks that she wanted to have sex. We did and that was really the end of it. She ended up moving out of town and we never kept up. I honestly missed our friendship more than the sex. It’s been almost two decades now and I hardly think about it.
Take the dub and move on
How is that insulting?
A lesbian friend with benefits what the problem? Probably a great learning experience.
It would be a bigger problem for her girlfriend actually.
Sounds good to me but last time I hooked up with a self identified lesbian she demanded me to break up with my girlfriend and stay with her and was going crazy for months. Then she ended up getting married to a man 15 years younger than her and having a baby at 40. So not sure if I take it seriously.
Be careful, she just may want to get pregnant and not pay for artificial insemination
As a guy that knew someone with those thoughts about a guy, her other lesbian friends took her dating a guy as a betrayal. I told her as a friend to follow her heart, not what other people think. As a guy, if a woman is interested. See where things may go.
Yes. Experiential sex is amazing.
One of my friends with benefits is a lesbian couple. Been hooking up for a year or so and are great friends. It’s amazing. Do it. You’ll learn a lot
I took the chance, and it was amazing for both of us. We’re still friends. She’s an awesome girl and clearly understood how guys feel about dating. I’d do it again. It was very healing for us.
If she lets you hit then she’s not a lesbian.
I’d be down for it. It would be a more literal FWB lol.
Lmao, stop worrying about offending us. If he finds you attractive and they’re single I guarantee they will be down.
He will probably also be telling every guy friend he has for the rest of his life that he’s so good with the ladies that he even turned a lesbian….
Sex is just sex in this scenario, you ain’t gotta take every body home.
I’m going to be real with you; there is a good chance you won’t actually enjoy having sex with your friend. Doesn’t mean you’ll dislike it. There is an awkward in-between. Sometimes the thought/fantasy is way better than the real deal.
Fine
That she wants to try something different, wouldn’t read too much into it
Well I wouldn’t be the one taking it for starters.
But seriously, if she wants to bang and has made it clear that there is no romantic involvement then I’m down as hell (if I’m attracted to her)
You just described an ideal relationship for me.
When I was single I had this experience with a woman, but tbh youre obviously not lesbian. You’re bi but only date women.
Absofuckinglutely
I’d love that
I would take that very well. Hopefully she would teach me some new moves
Not happening. Almost certainly wouldn’t even want to be friends with someone like that.
Just another person who thinks they’re different but they’re still wired the same way as the rest of us. I wouldn’t even bother but not for the reason posited
I did this once when I was young and single. I took it as a compliment.
When my little sister got married, her lesbian best friend since elementary school (so, she and I had known each other since we were both kids) went out for drinks with me after we finished shutting down the reception hall at the end of the night. I don’t remember how the conversation got there, but she admitted that she’d had a crush on me when she was little and before she figured out that she was a lesbian. That led to her admitting that she’d never slept with a guy, and later to “screw it, I want to see what this is all about.”
We had a great time. The next morning she thanked me, complimented me, and confirmed that she’s definitely a lesbian.
Honestly, since we’ve known each other so long, it was nice to know that she trusted me enough to explore that with me. We never did anything even slightly sexual after that.
They don’t dig being in close proximity to masculinity but love the D. I’d be going into it most likely knowing I would be not much more than a penis. If I start to catch feels, I would have to re-evaluate the entire arrangement.
I wouldn’t
I would not believe her. But bear in mind i would not believe any woman could ever be attracted to me. Especially not a lesbian. But the nunber pne readon women reject me is because they are gay.
A lot of bisexual women are women who love most women and at most like 4 men. So count yourself lucky. Some consider themselves lesbians but they also get curious.
Source: am the golden retriever gamer boyfriend to a bisexual.
If a girl claims to be a lesbian but also wants to sleep with you; it would make you feel like the exception and pretty good about yourself. Although if I didn’t know her well I would question if it’s just her way to pick up guys. Or why she would identify as a lesbian if she wanted to have sex with guys. Usually I think people define their sexuality by who they want to have sex with. Like closeted gays in history still had real feelings for their SOs. They just weren’t sexually attracted to them.
Um…okay if you insist
Pretty much the same as any other woman:
Is she hot?
Am I looking for what she’s offering? (Ie no strings sex or a relationship whatever you’re going for here)
If both those boxes check then I’m down. (Also don’t come at me saying something like “so you’re a cheater?”….uh no cause then the second box wouldn’t be checked I’m not looking for anything outside of any relationship I’m in)
As a “lesbian on gaydar” (her words not mine.)
It means you’re probably a feminine dude who she’s comfortable with.
I’ve been down this road more than once though. Once the clothes come off the deal usually is too.
Honored. But also having known someone who has told me this kinda story, you tend to think they are lying about it.
I doubt it’s real. It sounds like some guy writing a “I can fix lesbians” story or rage-bait for lesbians.
Nope.. because I only sleep with dudes.
Instead of debating her sexuality can we just answer the question.
I took it as a compliment. We always got along well, we played video games, we banged a few times, and then she got another girlfriend and we never spoke of it again
I would consider that the highest honor lol. “My dick was the only one she wanted”. Might be the sexual highlight of my life
“Staunch.”
I would find that kind of weird.
Maybe she should just buy herself a dildo.
Wow this is so confusing, I thought you were a guy the entire time. If a girl who only dates women wants to sleep with a women? What am I missing here? Why tf is this in the ask men’s sub?
Why even ask.
Congrats, now you have become a lesbian man, husband material for any girl who is atracted to guys because actually treats women as people 😅
I would be extremely flattered that you would be interested in sharing that level of intimacy with me, and honored by such a high level of trust in me as a person, but would most likely decline simply because I don’t approach sex that casually
Id believe pretty insulted…… they didn’t tell me sooner
Don’t fuck your friends is my moto.
The highest compliment and sign of trust from the most discriminating of women. We all need a lesbian friend that is going to tell us “let’s be serious” when giving life advice, I can’t fathom a person who only has sex with people proven to know where the clit is located to want to risk it on a dude.
that good sir, has won at life.
I mean you might as well make a trophy and place it in a prominent place in your home for all to see
>a lesbian who’s curiosity about her old high-school friends is getting out of hand.
As much as fun sex is like, fun on a bun… I don’t know, if I’m really thinking about it past the “hurray sex” part, honestly I don’t think I’d be completely comfortable with this scenario as described.
Something about this is bothering me but I can’t totally put my finger on it. Like, it’s not that she wants to try sex with a rando guy, in which case there’s definitely no feelings involved… she’s specifically really into me, her old high school friend, and it’s “getting out of hand.”
Something is setting off alarm bells here, my gut is telling me there’s more under the surface than simple fun sex, I just don’t know what yet.
I’ve had this happen to me twice. It was very flattering and a surprise that they took me home. I knew how extremely rare such instances are, and they were putting a lot of trust in me to make them feel safe and desired.
In both cases they just wanted something different and liked how I looked and treated them well. In the second instance she was Bi and wanted to feel a man inside her again, to have fun riding on stunt dick. She also asked me to be very masculine and aggressively dominant with her in bed, aka fulfill the daddy kink.
Quite the compliment.
This in theory seems like the ultimate compliment you could get, but feels like the kind of situation that would go horribly wrong if you actually accepted the offer.
> If she was down to have fun with you, would that be cool or would the hard boundary of never dating be a deal breaker and insulting?
They’re adult(s), you can tell them that and they can decide for themselves if they’re interested in that deal. It is certainly not an insult to say you’d be down to sleep with someone.
The rest of the usual advice about casual sex with friends applies….don’t do it if you’re not sure if they can handle keeping it casual unless you’re fine with the possibility of losing the friendship.
I’ve been someone’s “exception” before. It was fun. Confirmed for them that they’re bi, just much pickier about men.
Anyway, I don’t care what you call yourself, but assuming you’ve either never been with a man or never been with one enjoyably:
Just own up to your knowledge gaps if you don’t know what you’re doing with his bits.
In the possible case that you have an exceptionally great time, is that going to set off an identity crisis for you?
she wants a test drive.
you’re a lesbian because you only like girls. it isn’t the other way – if you like some guys, that’s just Bi
I have hooked up with a few lesbians. One woman told me she has sex with a man once a year and it was my year.
I’ve known people who were bisexual but homo- or heteroromantic. I don’t why it would be insulting as long as everyone went into it fully understanding what the deal is.
I’m not a fan of the concept.
Sex can have two paths.
A continuation of a bond that has mutual appreciation and cohesion at its heart,
or it is mearly a drug. A simple release of endorphins with little end result.
I prefer to utilise sex for a demonstration of closeness, trust, and admiration (within the context of a sexual partnership) rather than dehumanising someone to be used as a tool or a drug.
But ye, your theoretical scenario will probably go down fine. Most dudes will take the notch on their belt without a second thought. ESPECIALLY if it means that they can take the title of lesbian layer, long may he reign 😎
I think it comes down to emotional maturity. If both people are on the same page, no strings, no weird expectations, go for it.
But if one catches feelings hoping it’ll turn into something more, someone’s gonna get hurt.
I’d respectfully decline. Sexual intimacy without romance feels empty to me, if she only wants to do sex stuff but refuses to date things aren’t going to work.
I’ve literally been apart of something like this. Met a group at a bar that ended up being good friends of mine. One of the group was a woman that everyone knew was a lesbian. Imagine their surprise when she took me home the second time I met them. It was part of why I became a part of the group. My lesbian friend said she wasn’t sure what it was, I just did it for her sexually. I’m nothing special, it was all chemistry. We would frequently hit each other up at the end of the night if we both struck out. It was a fun 8 months and then we both found serious partners. Still friends years later. Just don’t talk about it.
You’re suggesting that sleeping with men instead of women is a choice. That’s at odds with the “I can’t help it , I was born like this” narrative. Slippery slope my friend
I’d be flattered but slightly concerned that I might be used as a cheap sperm bank that comes with an 18 year long financial obligation. Fortunately I’ve had an irreversible vasectomy so that isn’t really a factor but the motivation would be a concern.
Pretty much anything is fine if you’re upfront with your intentions. Be consistent and clear, and if they’re acting like they expect something different, call it quits.
I once knew this old boy named Floyd and he worked in apartment maintenance.
He went to an apartment to repair something and the woman that lived there had let it be known to Floyd before that she was a devout lesbian.
This particular time she started to make a move on my friend Floyd.
This took him by surprise and he said to her “you told me that you only liked girls in that way).
Without skipping a beat she said, “that is true Floyd but every once in a while I like to get a little cc“.
As quickly as I can!!! Play on playa!!
I git to say that lesbians have been some of the best sex I’ve had.
Maybe she thinks you’re just girly enough for her
I actually was in a situation very much like this. I worked with a woman who was gay and she was going off to continue her schooling. Her and her gf threw a party and near the end of the night, she told me – jokingly, I thought – that after she was gone, I had better give her gf a call.
Fast forward and it’s like 4 in the morning and everyone is gone but me and the gf. The next thing I know I’m getting head on the porch. After that, I spent like 9 months having sex, getting stoned for free and having dinner cooked for me three or four nights a week.
I only ended it because I eventually met a straight girl who I wanted to date.
It was a goddamn glorious summer though, let me tell you. Delicious meals, weed and NSA sex? One of the best years of my life lol
If I’m understanding this right, if a lesbian who understands a difference between romance versus a hook up one to sleep with a man, speaking for myself, as a bisexual man, I would hit that. I have absolutely no problem with a lack of romance because I understand the differences. Hook ups are for pleasure, romance is for dating and for marriage
I was once asked by a lesbian couple to be their 3rd because they thought I was hot and they both really liked me. Was the biggest ego boost I ever had.
> who is a staunch lesbian but sexuality and romance are separate for her?
Sounds more like you have some pansexuality going on there bud
Nothing wrong with it. Sexuality is a spectrum and doesn’t have to be strictly one or the other. Even someone who is a “staunch” anything can find themselves being attracted to another person who isn’t their normal sexual attraction.
Just give it a whirl, if it doesn’t feel right, it wasn’t meant to be. Nothing serious. You have some latent attraction to them clearly.
Just accept that sexuality isn’t black and white. There is a whole range of sexuality and what that means is entirely up to you. Emotional and physical sexuality is really complicated.
The only thing you can do is talk to them and see if they are open to a physical relationship. But honestly… don’t be surprised if they say no or end up catching feelings. Sex is an incredibly emotional thing for a lot of people and even FWB setups often result in people catching feelings
Younger me, like 15-25, would have been thrilled to the point of fucking up a good thing lol. Older me, I’m 36 now, I’d need more context to decide.
I’m too old and don’t make enough anyway to think about making a family now but I still have hope that I could grow old and share my life either married or as close as. For that reason I at least want to be safe sexually and ideally I’m the only guy, maybe even her exclusive sexual partner for our time together. If we are not exclusive then I’d want to communicate about new partners both ways.
After that it might be of importance to figure out if we have any kink overlap. Could go aways to to fitting this cylinder into the round hole with some actual feeling lol.
Sounds like a compliment with benefits
She’s bisexual and heteroromantic. How you take it is up to you.
just do, and move on, never look back ….
In my experience, that is usually the case. I dont take it, I give it. As long as there is consenting adults, I will never be a burden to their flavors.
I see potential.
Awesome
Go and buy a dictionary. You’re bisexual, not a lesbian.
This isn’t a fucking petting zoo.
I would be fine with it but definitely want to play it like consensual non consent and make it clear if at any time she changes her mind or doesn’t enjoy something she says stop. I wouldn’t want her to look back and regret it later and need to know what exactly she wants from the experience so so I don’t do anything that ruins it for her.
Unless the guy is in a committed relationship or really serious about only pursuing committed relationships, this is generally a well known fantasy and massive ego trip for any guy chosen…
I was a lesbians first guy experience a few yrs back.
She likes guys now.
Where do I sign up?
I’d be fine with that.
I think of myself as bisexual (maybe pansexual)/hetero-romantic.
Sounds like she’s similar.
I had an ongoing affair with a lesbian once. I even met her partner who was a cop. She worked in a bar I used to go to occasionally and we struck up a friendship first. Over time she admitted she preferred women but occasionally liked to have sexual encounters with men. She liked me not because I’m so attractive, which I’m definitely not, but I was safe because I never hit on her and I always respected the fact that she was gay. So eventually we got together. And it was pretty amazing, and it didn’t happen too often and it didn’t go on for very long because like many things, life gets in the way. But it is a fond memory and if the respect and attraction is there, I say go for it.
With great gratitude.
Nobody would be offended by you asking them, unless they are in a relationship and you asking if they want to have sex would violate that.
There is a chance that he would say no and you would have to accept that, but he could also say yes. Unless you ask, you will never know.
I would find it flattering. If I were younger, not married, and all parties knew what was going on, sounds like a good time. I’m assuming the male friend is straight, this may or may not go down differently if they aren’t, I guess it really depends on the individual.
I get needing a community, I understand that it can help people to find their identity, and minority and underrepresented groups need to bind together to be heard, BUT, I think a lot of people now are in a rush to label themselves this or that. Sooooo many posts over in r/lgbt asking the community “if this happened or I feel this way am I xyz label?”.
I’ve known so many people that limit themselves because they decide that they are label A and so now they can’t do things that label B people do. This can just as easily be said about straight people not doing something because it isn’t heteronormative or because it doesn’t align with our masculine or feminine identity.
Final word, all the “doesn’t sound like you’re a lesbian”comments are nonsense and I hope you don’t take them seriously. Call yourself whatever you want, love whomever you can, and in the meantime sleep with whoever makes your body feel good.
I hooked up with a girl who claimed she was a lesbian. She told me she loves the feel of a man but wants the relationship with a woman.
She said it was just easier to explain to people that she was a lesbian.
I cracked who gives a shit?
I’d be very flattered
The orientation is slightly twisted here, till now you’ve discovered your interest in women so you quote being a lesbian but then if you’re down to have fun with a boy/man then you’ve that unexplored side too.
You are Bisexual, it’s just this is the first time you’re realising it. And sorry to break it to you but sexual orientation is a mental thing rather than physical, it’s all in the head.
I was never a one night stand kind of guy so I probably would have passed.
I think it would be difficult to be together sexually and not catch some kind of feelings. Maybe not for you, but for them.
Sexuality is a spectrum, so you are not misleading yourself or the other person. You appear to be homoromantic, but have a broader range of sexual attraction. Being sexually fluid in whatever cases you want, is okay. You are not betraying the guy, nor your identity. That is, you’re being honest about your orientation and what you can offer. Some people will be into that arrangement, others won’t be, and that’s totally normal.
For example, I find some hardcore lesbians, like Lauren Sanderson, very appealing. I can’t picture her dating a man. My point being, you are not out of line. If you find a connection, go for it. Just make the rules clear. My GF is bi, which for some reason makes people’s eyebrows waggle like “there you go buddy”, but we monogamous, so it rarely comes up other than talking about mutual likes in people. People get too hung up on cookie cutter molds for these things.
I take it that my reputation has proceeded me. I would be into it.
4 inches at a time if I am lucky
Homo-romantic, bisexual, not that unusual.
If I were single and attracted to that person, sure.
Give it my utmost best to convince her to change teams. (/S)
Depends. Is she hot?
It’s going to vary a lot of guys would be ok with no strings attached sex.some, like myself, can’t separate feeling from sex and would decline.
I once had a lesbian in high school tell me that if she had to sleep with a man from school she’d choose me.
I don’t really get what that’s supposed to mean but I do whip that fun fact out every now and then
How can I clap louder!
Do women like this actually exist outside of porn?!?! I didn’t know this was even an option
Having done it more than once with more than one woman it’s really no different.
I’m sorry what’s the catch? This sounds like a good way to pass time with minimal strings attached.
We fool around until one of us is serious with someone else or gets feelings and gets hurt and we part ways.
I get to brag about, i peaked the interest of a lesbian.
There’s really minimal issues here.
I’ve had sex with 5 women now who identified as lesbian when we did it. So, a few things:
Don’t be surprised if the guy catches feelings. The stereotype that men separate sex from romantic feelings is just that, a stereotype.
Given that, be up front about your intentions.
You might want to be careful about who you share this attraction with in your social circles. It’s been my experience (albeit secondhand) that there is quite the stigma about PIV sex in the lesbian community and that those who have engaged in it recently aren’t “true” lesbians.
From my personal experience: with the expectation of “just sex” and the other person’s demands that I keep our encounters on the down-low, I felt less like a sexual partner, and more like a snack that someone on a diet sneaks in hoping no one notices.
I had a female friend in college who said something along the lines of “Women are beautiful, and soft, and comfortable, and really attractive. But man, I really like dick.”
She mostly dated women but mostly hooked up with guys. I think a lot of it was a comfort thing for her, where she really enjoyed the company of women and saw herself partnering with one. On the other hand, she preferred sex with men.
Honestly for you I wouldn’t think too hard on it, and just accept your preferences. Don’t pigeonhole yourself, and like what you like.
I have heard that some people find their romantic attraction and sexual attraction can be for different genders but since I don’t experience that personally, I’d have to just take their word for it.
As a dr because I cured her lesbianism
Been there. People are flexible.