If you played a part in it (even small) you accept that part, the rest is entirely on them, shitty people do shitty things – it sucks, it hurts at the time but at least you found out before you got married/had kids.
Don’t let what she did change your opinion of women/dating generally – down that path lies bitterness and that hurts no one but yourself in the end, it’s not fair to punish your next partner for the sins of your previous partner – it’s a lot easier to say than do for some folks but you’ll be happier for it in the long run.
I’m sorry that happened to you – it fucking blows.
Learn, do better in future, move on. Don’t overthink it, it won’t help. Your ex was a bitch, that doesn’t mean the next one will be. People in amazing relationships still cheat, so it’s unlikely it’s anything you did. Even if you were perfect, they’d still cheat because “you made them feel like they weren’t good enough for you”, or some shit.
Getting cheated on sucks, it hurts, so use it as an excuse to treat yourself. Take the money you were saving for your wedding and go to Thailand or something. You’ll start feeling better when you focus on other stuff that makes you happy.
Overcame it realizing she was a cunt and I deserve better. She had the audacity to ask me how she could be better in bed for her new guy and said she’d come back to me once I finished my engineering degree. GTFO bitch!
Was cheated on by my ex wife too. She betrayed me.
You overcome it by forgiving her but keep the anger seething for abit. so you can use it to better yourself. And don’t go rebounding either. You’re hurt during this time and hurt people, hurt people. Don’t hurt an innocent soul who may have just wanted to feel loved. If you’re still angry and bitter about your ex, then stay single and work through those emotions until it no longer defines you. It’s okay to be hurt during this time. Just don’t go around hurting others.
After sometime, and after feeling like shit or inadequate , like they are having the last laugh over your dead body you’ll eventually turn that anger into clarity.
She didn’t deserve you, the trash took itself out and ultimately, she threw you away. You’re the diamond , you’re the king so act like it.
And you know what, she has given you a second chance to find true and ever lasting love. A love I’ve seemed to have found with my current partner. When you do find her, life is just .. easy and peaceful, you know.
I haven’t looked back ever since. To that ex wife of mine who I haven’t spoken to heart to heart in over two years, thank you. If I could speak to her today I would say those words. From the bottom of my heart, thank you because this journey since the betrayal has led me to living a life full, fulfilled, happy and satisfying. With someone who’s actually a better fit for me in all ways imaginable.
My ex does ask about me. The last I heard, she isn’t doing so well.. probably still with the same dude. But that’s not my business anymore. I have bigger and better things on my plate and mind to be preoccupied with thoughts of my ex. It’s over, it’s done with and I’ve walked away with both my dignity and compassion still intact.
It sucks. But you move on and try not to let it turn you into someone bitter. I dated around a lot. Very casually, with women I knew I didn’t want anything long term with. Eventually I met my wife, and she changed my mind.
Its been just about 3 years now. I moved on when it comes to self, but relationship wise still haven’t been able to find another partner mainly because im not actively looking, trying, or wanting to get in a relationship
Just recognize the part you had to play. Accept. And move on. I understand the pain you are going through. It can feel all encompassing. But with time and for me lots of sun and exercise. I’m doing okay.
We talked about it when she told me it occurred. I decided to continue dating after a few days of thinking, it never came up again. Dated for a few years afterwards, broke up for unrelated reasons.
Once I decided I didn’t want to end the relationship that was the end of it. I see no purpose being mad about it after that point. You can’t be mad at someone or hold it against them after you’ve forgiven.
We don’t talk a lot, we broke up..18? Years ago. But we do occasionally and I’d consider her a good friend still.
Was cheated on by my ex fiance, since then, i’ve learned ,that not all men are the same. But also didn’t find someone to full trust and open up to.
I know it’s on my part, i need to let go of that fear,but i can not yet. I aim towards being independant on my own, so if down the road something happens again, i have my own space and money. I donmt thinkni’ll ever be able to fully trust someone again, which is so bad,but i am affraid ,i can’t just give my all to someone again. And i know so many men feel like this.
I worked out for a couple of years, went on holidays, started up groups for doing hobbies I liked and then started dating again. Except now all my partners are short term fling things (they’re told about this in advance).
I’ve tried seriously a couple of times since then and both times i’ve been disappointed, so i’m just cultivating friendships instead.
I left my x wife after being cheated on twice. Forgave her the first time and left the second. I learned a lot, but here is one thing that worked for me.
Spite is a crazy ass thing to use as motivation. I see a lot of men who get all spiteful and become a huge dick and decide all women are assholes, don’t do that. When my x cheated on me I let that anger and hurt feelings fuel me to work on myself. I started getting in shape, reading the most popular self help books, picked up some good habits and worked on breaking bad ones, and working hard at work and on my side hustle to achieve career goals.
Eventually all of that spite went away and I felt apathetic to her (which will come and should be your goal). When that apathy came I had spent so much time working on myself that I completely changed my life. I got a dream job and apartment, about doubled my income, got emotionally healthier and met an amazing girl who made me realize my entire last relationship could have been a lot better, and got into cycling/climbing and am in the best shape I have been in since HS. Made loads of awesome friends along the way too.
Years of alcoholism and crippling trust issues. Now I only drink on the weekends.
Not interested in dating again until im retired though. I’m a bad judge of character apparently. I now recognize too many patterns that my exes did and that makes a lot of women crossed off my list.
I MEANT IT, I’ve been single for 12-years ROFL. U read that right.
I got a college degree, I worked BS jobs when I realized my degree wasn’t helping me.
I narrowed my focus down to understand wat it was that I ultimately wanted out of my life. YOU CAN TO, men have our entire lives to bear a family & children…
I’m only getting older so I decided that I’m going to go BACK into school/college.
Older, wiser, more suitable and I know EXACTLY what I want.
I think if the majority of single men can figure out the path to success. No matter how hard (bcz it IS HARD)
I know my worth, I’m consistent in everything I do. I know im disciplined. I’ve been in the gym since I was 14/15 years old.
I like seeing myself grow in anyway I can, it betters my future & it betters my future. I’m not worried about finding a woman.
I was cheated on 2x by both woman (1 in high school) & then the 1 I dated after a stint of being single.
Now it’s me, myself & I… bcz no ones going to save ME from myself. Lmao
Anyone can do anything, how bad do u want it, do u know your worth?
Once u understand that time is the most precious asset that we as humans have. Like TRULY understand that.
Will you only realize that she through away the best thing that could’ve happened to her & it’s no longer your problem.
Find a goal & do ANYTHING u can to make that goal/dream come to reality. And when I say anything I MEANT ANYTHING
Man, I’ve been there,and yeah, it sucks. Like, gut-punch level bad. After being with someone for years and then finding out they weren’t honest? It’s a lot to process. For me, the first few weeks were just… messy. I wasn’t sleeping right, kept overthinking everything. You start questioning everything,like, was it ever real? But here’s what helped,First, I stopped pretending I was okay. I let myself feel everything. Angry? Yep. Sad? For sure. Confused? Constantly. You kinda have to let that wave hit you instead of fighting it. Then, I leaned on my people. Just having someone sit with you, even if you’re not talking, helps more than you’d think. Might take a while, but you’ll get there.
Same. I was with a woman for 12 years. Engaged and had a child with. She cheated on me multiple times before leaving me for a guy she lasted about two weeks with. It messed me up pretty bad. Almost even took her back when she asked if we could work it out, but I ultimately said no.
It took a while, but eventually it didn’t bother me anymore. I can think back on it, like I am now, and feel nothing. That’s not to say I’m not still damaged from it, though. It’s been three years and I’ve been unable to start over with anyone new. Joined some dating sites and haven’t been able to bring myself to respond to any messages I’ve gotten from women I matched with.
A girl I went to school with (and had a crush on) contacted me out of the blue and we talked for a while. It was clear she was interested and I was starting to get feelings for her as well – then I pretty much ghosted her. To her credit, she was surprisingly cool about it – her last message pretty much said she understood I was having some struggles and wished me well. That I could reach out again any time. I still haven’t.
Don’t know if or when I’ll be ready to trust someone again, even knowing logically that not everyone is my ex-fiancée. For the time being, I’m content being on my own and spending time with my daughter. It’s a lot more peaceful and I’m not in a position where anyone can hurt me.
I’m sorry you’re going through this as well. All I can say is give it time. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of your relationship, then focus on yourself. If you can find peace and/or happiness on your own, you’ll be in a much better place if and when you decide to put yourself out there again. Hang in there man. It does get better – just takes a while.
Disengaged with everyone in her orbit. The circumstances didn’t matter. She was just gonna spin whatever tale to them to make me look like the bad guy. I didn’t respond or answer inquiries. I just disappeared from her life. Focused on myself. Started streaming as a hobby. Gained a community of friends that took me in at my lowest. But it took effort. Work. Making conscious choices to better myself each and every day.
Slept with as many women as i could for like 2 years, slept with a many married women as i could, not my best moment, but extremely eye opening, rabbit hole was way worse than i expected.
Comments
Really tough situation you’re in. Wasn’t in that situation fortunately.
If I was in your place I’d approach it like this: remember the good times you have but also realize that some of those parts weren’t real.
If she can live with this without regret/guilt, she really is a POS.
As a quote once said :”Don’t give them the luxury of thinking about them” or something similar.
In the end, you are the only one who can choose your happiness :/.
But one positive side is, at least you didn’t marry her.
I made extra sure to NOT apply the past misgivings of my ex onto my current partner.
If you played a part in it (even small) you accept that part, the rest is entirely on them, shitty people do shitty things – it sucks, it hurts at the time but at least you found out before you got married/had kids.
Don’t let what she did change your opinion of women/dating generally – down that path lies bitterness and that hurts no one but yourself in the end, it’s not fair to punish your next partner for the sins of your previous partner – it’s a lot easier to say than do for some folks but you’ll be happier for it in the long run.
I’m sorry that happened to you – it fucking blows.
Learn, do better in future, move on. Don’t overthink it, it won’t help. Your ex was a bitch, that doesn’t mean the next one will be. People in amazing relationships still cheat, so it’s unlikely it’s anything you did. Even if you were perfect, they’d still cheat because “you made them feel like they weren’t good enough for you”, or some shit.
Getting cheated on sucks, it hurts, so use it as an excuse to treat yourself. Take the money you were saving for your wedding and go to Thailand or something. You’ll start feeling better when you focus on other stuff that makes you happy.
Took many years, but i slowly regained some confidence and after i got a new girlfriend, i was kinda reborn. Now im single again though, but im fine.
Overcame it realizing she was a cunt and I deserve better. She had the audacity to ask me how she could be better in bed for her new guy and said she’d come back to me once I finished my engineering degree. GTFO bitch!
Was cheated on by my ex wife too. She betrayed me.
You overcome it by forgiving her but keep the anger seething for abit. so you can use it to better yourself. And don’t go rebounding either. You’re hurt during this time and hurt people, hurt people. Don’t hurt an innocent soul who may have just wanted to feel loved. If you’re still angry and bitter about your ex, then stay single and work through those emotions until it no longer defines you. It’s okay to be hurt during this time. Just don’t go around hurting others.
After sometime, and after feeling like shit or inadequate , like they are having the last laugh over your dead body you’ll eventually turn that anger into clarity.
She didn’t deserve you, the trash took itself out and ultimately, she threw you away. You’re the diamond , you’re the king so act like it.
And you know what, she has given you a second chance to find true and ever lasting love. A love I’ve seemed to have found with my current partner. When you do find her, life is just .. easy and peaceful, you know.
I haven’t looked back ever since. To that ex wife of mine who I haven’t spoken to heart to heart in over two years, thank you. If I could speak to her today I would say those words. From the bottom of my heart, thank you because this journey since the betrayal has led me to living a life full, fulfilled, happy and satisfying. With someone who’s actually a better fit for me in all ways imaginable.
My ex does ask about me. The last I heard, she isn’t doing so well.. probably still with the same dude. But that’s not my business anymore. I have bigger and better things on my plate and mind to be preoccupied with thoughts of my ex. It’s over, it’s done with and I’ve walked away with both my dignity and compassion still intact.
It sucks. But you move on and try not to let it turn you into someone bitter. I dated around a lot. Very casually, with women I knew I didn’t want anything long term with. Eventually I met my wife, and she changed my mind.
Its been just about 3 years now. I moved on when it comes to self, but relationship wise still haven’t been able to find another partner mainly because im not actively looking, trying, or wanting to get in a relationship
Just recognize the part you had to play. Accept. And move on. I understand the pain you are going through. It can feel all encompassing. But with time and for me lots of sun and exercise. I’m doing okay.
I knew for about a week. I took a loan from her then I moved out lol
We talked about it when she told me it occurred. I decided to continue dating after a few days of thinking, it never came up again. Dated for a few years afterwards, broke up for unrelated reasons.
Once I decided I didn’t want to end the relationship that was the end of it. I see no purpose being mad about it after that point. You can’t be mad at someone or hold it against them after you’ve forgiven.
We don’t talk a lot, we broke up..18? Years ago. But we do occasionally and I’d consider her a good friend still.
I got back together with that ex and then cheated on her back.
Not the most Reddit friendly response, but getting even made it easier to get over it all.
Even an emotional affair can be devastating. Never fully recover.
I assume you broke up and put her out right? That’s game over.
Was cheated on by my ex fiance, since then, i’ve learned ,that not all men are the same. But also didn’t find someone to full trust and open up to.
I know it’s on my part, i need to let go of that fear,but i can not yet. I aim towards being independant on my own, so if down the road something happens again, i have my own space and money. I donmt thinkni’ll ever be able to fully trust someone again, which is so bad,but i am affraid ,i can’t just give my all to someone again. And i know so many men feel like this.
I worked out for a couple of years, went on holidays, started up groups for doing hobbies I liked and then started dating again. Except now all my partners are short term fling things (they’re told about this in advance).
I’ve tried seriously a couple of times since then and both times i’ve been disappointed, so i’m just cultivating friendships instead.
I left my x wife after being cheated on twice. Forgave her the first time and left the second. I learned a lot, but here is one thing that worked for me.
Spite is a crazy ass thing to use as motivation. I see a lot of men who get all spiteful and become a huge dick and decide all women are assholes, don’t do that. When my x cheated on me I let that anger and hurt feelings fuel me to work on myself. I started getting in shape, reading the most popular self help books, picked up some good habits and worked on breaking bad ones, and working hard at work and on my side hustle to achieve career goals.
Eventually all of that spite went away and I felt apathetic to her (which will come and should be your goal). When that apathy came I had spent so much time working on myself that I completely changed my life. I got a dream job and apartment, about doubled my income, got emotionally healthier and met an amazing girl who made me realize my entire last relationship could have been a lot better, and got into cycling/climbing and am in the best shape I have been in since HS. Made loads of awesome friends along the way too.
Years of alcoholism and crippling trust issues. Now I only drink on the weekends.
Not interested in dating again until im retired though. I’m a bad judge of character apparently. I now recognize too many patterns that my exes did and that makes a lot of women crossed off my list.
Divorce. Took care of that problem and several others.
Sign up to the gym it’s the best time.
Time
Got under someone new to get over someone old. Turns out that’s not healthy, but we turned it all around in therapy.
So therapy is the answer. Don’t just run out and fuck something. Do the work.
Choosing to work on myself, & when I said it.
I MEANT IT, I’ve been single for 12-years ROFL. U read that right.
I got a college degree, I worked BS jobs when I realized my degree wasn’t helping me.
I narrowed my focus down to understand wat it was that I ultimately wanted out of my life. YOU CAN TO, men have our entire lives to bear a family & children…
I’m only getting older so I decided that I’m going to go BACK into school/college.
Older, wiser, more suitable and I know EXACTLY what I want.
I think if the majority of single men can figure out the path to success. No matter how hard (bcz it IS HARD)
I know my worth, I’m consistent in everything I do. I know im disciplined. I’ve been in the gym since I was 14/15 years old.
I like seeing myself grow in anyway I can, it betters my future & it betters my future. I’m not worried about finding a woman.
I was cheated on 2x by both woman (1 in high school) & then the 1 I dated after a stint of being single.
Now it’s me, myself & I… bcz no ones going to save ME from myself. Lmao
Anyone can do anything, how bad do u want it, do u know your worth?
Once u understand that time is the most precious asset that we as humans have. Like TRULY understand that.
Will you only realize that she through away the best thing that could’ve happened to her & it’s no longer your problem.
Find a goal & do ANYTHING u can to make that goal/dream come to reality. And when I say anything I MEANT ANYTHING
Bhai time do time
Mere saath b hua tha
My ex cheated on me after 6yr relationship, with whom I spent 14 yrs of schooling.
Apna gussa kaam pe nikalo
Its been 2 years, aaj b dil dukhta hai but ab boht kuch smjh aagya.
Man, I’ve been there,and yeah, it sucks. Like, gut-punch level bad. After being with someone for years and then finding out they weren’t honest? It’s a lot to process. For me, the first few weeks were just… messy. I wasn’t sleeping right, kept overthinking everything. You start questioning everything,like, was it ever real? But here’s what helped,First, I stopped pretending I was okay. I let myself feel everything. Angry? Yep. Sad? For sure. Confused? Constantly. You kinda have to let that wave hit you instead of fighting it. Then, I leaned on my people. Just having someone sit with you, even if you’re not talking, helps more than you’d think. Might take a while, but you’ll get there.
A lot of casual sex, alcohol and working on myself.
It was definitely not a healthy nor good time in my life
How does the saying go? You fall off a horse, you fuck her sister…worked for me.
Realized it not fair to apply that “pain” towards others that had nothing to do with it. Did take a while.
Took the next relationships at a slow pace and learned how to trust them fully until they proved to me otherwise.
It definitely takes time.
Same. I was with a woman for 12 years. Engaged and had a child with. She cheated on me multiple times before leaving me for a guy she lasted about two weeks with. It messed me up pretty bad. Almost even took her back when she asked if we could work it out, but I ultimately said no.
It took a while, but eventually it didn’t bother me anymore. I can think back on it, like I am now, and feel nothing. That’s not to say I’m not still damaged from it, though. It’s been three years and I’ve been unable to start over with anyone new. Joined some dating sites and haven’t been able to bring myself to respond to any messages I’ve gotten from women I matched with.
A girl I went to school with (and had a crush on) contacted me out of the blue and we talked for a while. It was clear she was interested and I was starting to get feelings for her as well – then I pretty much ghosted her. To her credit, she was surprisingly cool about it – her last message pretty much said she understood I was having some struggles and wished me well. That I could reach out again any time. I still haven’t.
Don’t know if or when I’ll be ready to trust someone again, even knowing logically that not everyone is my ex-fiancée. For the time being, I’m content being on my own and spending time with my daughter. It’s a lot more peaceful and I’m not in a position where anyone can hurt me.
I’m sorry you’re going through this as well. All I can say is give it time. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of your relationship, then focus on yourself. If you can find peace and/or happiness on your own, you’ll be in a much better place if and when you decide to put yourself out there again. Hang in there man. It does get better – just takes a while.
Disengaged with everyone in her orbit. The circumstances didn’t matter. She was just gonna spin whatever tale to them to make me look like the bad guy. I didn’t respond or answer inquiries. I just disappeared from her life. Focused on myself. Started streaming as a hobby. Gained a community of friends that took me in at my lowest. But it took effort. Work. Making conscious choices to better myself each and every day.
Scary shit.
I just did the 0 contact and hit the gym every single day
I haven’t really. I still have MAJOR trust issues even a decade later. Yeah, I should see someone about it, but can’t afford it right now.
As her excuse was “but you have to understand, he was so hot!”, it was pretty easy to forget her.
Slept with as many women as i could for like 2 years, slept with a many married women as i could, not my best moment, but extremely eye opening, rabbit hole was way worse than i expected.
Fuck her mom