I’m a wife and I love my husband. The only hobby of his I understand is NFL (because my dad loved it too). But with things like fishing or Lego or further more, I honestly don’t know those very well.
I try to be supportive and make him feel loved anyway, but I wonder—how should I do or what’s the way you’d most want her to show love and support?
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Love it
My wife and I have very few overlapping hobbies/interests. But we still engage with them together because it lets us share something with the person we love even if the other person isn’t knowledgeable about it.
She will sit and watch / discuss my 3D printing stuff and CAD design stuff with me. I get to share what I am working on, she gets to learn about it and engage with it even if it’s on just a foundational level.
And then I do the same with the things she is interested in.
For us it’s more about the quality time aspect and getting to experience what the other person enjoys.
When I ask my wife if I it would be a problem if I go to a con for one of my interests that she doesn’t share (I have to ask to make sure I’m not needed at home for something) she’s super happy that I get to go do something I love and she expresses that
If you are interested to know about his other hobbies ask him to teach you/show you. I guarantee he will light up at this prospect, and be very appreciative that you are taking an interest in his hobbies.
But only if you are truly interested, this is not something to phone in because you think it will make him happy. That will have the opposite affect.
Be happy that he’s happy. Refrain from excessive complaining or guilt trips about the cost or time.
My wife shows support by never shitting on my passions. That’s really all I ask. Let me enjoy myself without opinion on whether you think certain aspects about it or not. Ultimately, I wouldn’t try to persuade someone else from enjoying themselves, so don’t do that.
Being supportive doesn’t require diving in the deep end yourself. However, sometimes that’s what ends up happening. My dad wanted a boat heading into retirement. He wanted a boat that was probably 20k. My mom said that she didn’t want him spending so much time away from her, so she wanted something she could sit in while he went fishing. This led to them getting a boat that was 100k. Basically a one bedroom condo on the water. That was roughly 25 years ago.
Well, they liked using that boat so much that after retirement, they bought a bigger boat.
They now live on a boat in Alaska 6 months of the year. And then they bought a fishing boat that they tow behind them, like a motor home pulling a jeep. They go fishing, shrimping and/or crabbing every day for six months. They’ve been doing that for about a decade. And in the end, my mother is the one regularly catching halibut bigger than herself. Some catches, like rock fish, are guaranteed. She’ll make a curry that has to simmer for nine hours and have it on the stove top while she goes fishing to catch the fish that go into the curry. She’s never failed.
Don’t care. My wife hates all my hobbies. It doesn’t affect me in any way.
I think as long as you don’t give your spouse a look like you’re disassociating every time they talk about their hobby, you’re fine
I appreciate when my wife gives me the space to pursue my hobby without any guilt/restrictions.
Eg/”if you watch the kids for Saturday, then on sunday you can __.” Makes me feel like im talking to my mom, not my partner and it sucks. Very disempowering.
I have severe ADHD. As a result I have a ton of interests and my wife is there for all of them no matter how short they are. We don’t have a lot of the same interests but we’ve always been very supportive of what the other wants to do.
You don’t need to know a lot about his interests, but take an interest in his hobbies and interests, let him gush about them and ask questions, you could use it as a way to genuinely learn about them, so that you know what he is talking about and know why he’s excited. This could also give you great gift ideas etc.
Obviously you don’t have to become an expert in them too or join in with him (unless you want to) but taking an interest in things he loves is great.
My ex never ever cared about my interests (video games and the gym) and would mock them or try to stop me doing them. It made me feel alone and unloved in the relationship.
My wife is very supportive of my sim racing hobby. She doesn’t view it as me living out some kind of childish arcade fantasy. She knows I take it seriously, and have put forth a lot of time and practice to be competitive. I’m very appreciative of her support because racing is something I’ve always wanted to do, but never had the money or support to actually get into it, platforms like iRacing are affordable ways for me to at least get close to some kind of racing experience.
Honestly don’t worry about injecting yourself into his hobbies. If he shows you something awesome! Support in that way – or buy him something related. That said if you happen to have any hobbies that intersect absolutely connect!
Example for me recently – my wife is a naturally talented artist and only recently picked up her pencils, pens, etc after nearly 15 years! I’m taking my graphic design skills them and digitizing them for screen prints and such. It’s been fun.
All you have to do is encourage him to enjoy them.
Make me feel heard and seen
Just do not get in the way of those hobbies if he is enjoying them.
Perhaps sit down with him if he is watching an nfl game alone and ask him to teach you about the game.
or surprise him by getting a nfl team hat or jersey from his fav team, put it on and then plop down next to him to watch a game.
By just letting him continue his hobbies. This isnt to criticize just make it aware, for most men we dont need support in the form of doing anything or needing to participate. Yeah it would be nice to participate once and awhile, but the support is really by just letting us do what we like. Where it becomes an issue is when partners make it a problem such as trying to always be included or ask why they like doing it or worse, putting it down.
Just give him the time and space to do those things. Tbqh, he probably enjoys some of those things (particularly fishing) because it’s time to himself. Its very sweet you want to be a part of his hobbies but if he enjoys doing them alone let him do just that. Him enjoying time for himself doesn’t mean anything bad about how he thinks about you; we all deserve time to ourselves.
Just ask him what he likes about those things and whether he wants you involved.
For something like Lego, buy yourself a small set (there are a LOT of varied themes, and some of the sets are remarkably pretty) and try it out. You can do that separately from him, and I like to put them together as a stress-relief thing. You can watch a movie or listen to music while you keep your hands busy – my wife does the same thing with small crafts.
But really, if you don’t want to be involved but just want to support him just do that – make sure that he’s not dropping other important duties to do these hobbies and if he’s not, engage to the level that you and he mutually want.
You don’t need to do anything specific about it. Let him enjoy his stuff, maybe he’ll ask you some specific requests, but if he doesn’t, it’s fine.
You don’t have to go fishing with him to support and show love. By letting him go, by not grumbling over the cost or space of fishing tackle, you’re being supportive.
I prefer it that my wife didn’t like all my hobbies. I wished she liked video games, but my kids are getting old enough to play that with me now.
However, golf, mountain biking, soccer – I kind of prefer that to be my hobbies. I’d be ok with her wanting to join, but these hobbies typically have a group of guy friends I do it with and invoke or keep them and the hobbies separate from each other or I like to do it alone.
Guys love their alone time especially if it takes concentration. I program a lot too (it’s my job) but interruptions while I’m doing it annoy me more than anything.
My partner flat out doesn’t give a shit about motorcycles or anything related. I love them.
It’s perfectly fine to not share an interest. You know what they like, you can show love by letting them enjoy those things uninterrupted or getting them something related to the things they’re interested in. You don’t need to pretend to like something just to show you care. Just maybe join in with his happy celebrations when his team wins, or he catches a fish and wants to brag about it.
You don’t have to love or partake in my interests. Just acknowledge that I do and support any time restraints they cause as long as I’m performing as I should and vice versa.
Unless he’s a total man child, just being nice and asking the occasional question about a hobby is usually enough. “How was your fishing trip?” goes a long way.
My fiancée doesn’t know anything about kart racing, but I know she loves me because she gives me the time and space I need to enjoy it. She doesn’t come watch me race often because it kinda scares her (I get it – I’ve flipped a kart before) but it’s never an issue when I’ve got a race weekend and will be gone up the track most of Saturday.
I’d say be supportive and ensure he knows that you want him to have hobbies he enjoys, even if it’s not your thing. Time apart from your partner is totally normal and healthy.
My wife will listen while I tell her all about something in a game I’m playing that she doesn’t care about. She doesn’t make me feel bad about liking it and I get to tell someone about it. Then I go leave her be. I love her.
I remember as a kid fishing with dad and mom spent the trip sitting at the front of the boat reading a book.
Ask the odd question if you’re genuinely interested or want to know how they’re progressing, but otherwise it’s fine.
With yours for example ask if they caught anything an had time to relax, or see how their latest build is going on.
When my gf shows a genuine interest in something that I’m into I get super excited, it fills me with so much joy. Even if she doesn’t want to participate and just wants to understand it I will be over the moon to explain every interesting thing about it to her. And I will do so at great length. Which I’m sure probably feels like it backfired on her because now she’s stuck listening to whatever nerdery she asked me about.
It’s very important to try to understand and support by asking questions that you pick up that are relevant.
It shows you not only care about your partner, but have an interest in his/her interests and growth.
One good way to approach this is to ask your partner: “Hey, I really like that you have X as a hobby and want to support you and watch you grow / enjoy that hobby. What can I do to make you feel better supported? How would you like me to talk to you about said hobby?”
My wife couldn’t care less about mechanical things, weight training, aircraft and flying. She loves sports, but I cant even pretend to care about sports. We give the other party plenty of space and time for their hobbies, but it isn’t an area we really try to connect in.
Our time is divided between “me” time, “us” time and family time. Having some me-time is pretty amazing!
My husband loves playing guitar and flying/working on planes. I know little about either. I love that he loves them though. I support him by encouraging him to pursue them and giving him the time and space to do so. Sometimes I’ll bring him lunch or cookies out to the airport so he can stay longer. Sometimes I’ll bring a book and a chair and just go be with him when he’s working on his plane. If he’s had a rough day, I’ll send him to the basement with a beer with strict orders to play guitar for at least an hour. I think it’s totally hot that he can play guitar and fly/work on planes, tell him so regularly and even after all these years it still makes him blush.
If you are wanting to support his hobby of watching football, then buy him a giant big screen TV and surprise him with it. You’d be the best wife ever 🥰