Made the mistake of having dinner with my husband and monster in law the other night. Mark my words that was the LAST time I have dinner with just the two of them.
She gave me half a hug when she arrived. A light pat on the back basically. Acted like I was invisible at the table for the first 15 minutes, only conversing with my husband.
He got up to go to the restroom and we sat in ICY silence until a few minutes go by and she asks me what looks good on the menu.
Halfway into our meal she finally asks what’s new with me. I shared a recent accomplishment, an upcoming work event I’m participating in, and she gets a disgusted look on her face, then snickers that she “doesn’t drive to that part of town” because of the traffic. No congratulations, nothing, just remarked that it would be inconvenient for her. (I wasn’t telling her to obligate her to come, I was sharing something I was proud of).
This woman has been a thorn in my side since day one. My husband doesn’t see it, and is super defensive of her any time I bring up my feelings. It’s been the source of many arguments.
I’ve felt her icy daggers since we first started dating. I literally had to argue with him mere months into our relationship to get him to stop spending every damn Sunday with her (on top of seeing her for dinner once a week). She’s always felt like a third party in my relationship, and it really creeps me out. She doesn’t have a man in her life, and I feel like she looks to my husband to fulfill that void for her. It’s disturbing- the way she’ll snuggle up to him on the couch and look at me like I’m the side piece. Barf.
I’m tired of her dirty looks, fake ass “ta ta ta” attitude, her superficial conversations, her subtle put downs, her performative get togethers where everything looks perfect but no one talks about anything of substance. She refuses to talk about problems or feelings, and has invalidated mine on numerous occasions. She’s cold, prickly and SUPER phony. I can tell she totally resents me and she often comes in with a back-handed compliment (“Your hair looks nice TODAY.”)
I’ve decided I will be severely limiting my time with her, and will only visit in group settings where I have others to converse with.
She’s very covert with her behaviors and puts up a strong front, so I can’t bring it up with anyone on his side of the family. But vibes don’t lie, and I can feel it in my gut how much she disapproves of me.
I just wish my man would WAKE TF UP, have my back for once and see the bitter, miserable core that lies beneath the coiffed facade of his precious Mommy. UGH!
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Please do r have children with this man until he can put you first.
Sometimes I think how would these men react if the DIL does the same – passive aggressive, mean stuff. Would they still not get it/ see it? Doubt it very much.
“…look at me like I’m the side piece.” In her world you are.
Please google emotional incest
Consider checking out https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedintoenmeshment/new/.
Do you have plans for the future 2,3,5,7 yrs if your SO is still putting his mother first?
If he’s so defensive or his mother, you might start with how rude his behavior to you is when with her. It’s not okay that he also leaves you on the sidelines too.
Oh mommy dearest how lovely to see you!
You have to go? Oh that’s sooooo bad!
Two can play a game. Go have fun with the bat.