I’m 26 and have been thinking a lot about what I want in the future. When I was 22, I had a very bad “situationship” experience that ended up with me being treated for CPTSD symptoms in therapy. I’m doing really well now and have moved on from that time in my life. Although, I’m doing well, I haven’t gained an interest in dating again since then. I know good men and I am aware other good men are out there, but I don’t think they’re the majority. Sometimes I meet good men when I go out, but I just admire them and feel no desire to pursue something. It’s like a feeling of indifference I guess.
I still would like to have at least one child in the future, though. I can see myself being very content with adopting and my parents have vocalized being supportive if I decide to do that. I don’t want to go into that being completely naive though. I know adopting comes with its unique challenges.
Has anyone thought about this, learned about this, or has already adopted as a single woman?
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I read this as has anyone considered adopting a single woman in their 30s 🤣
I’m a single woman who has considered adoption. IME, the more you learn about adoption, the more you realize that pregnancy and childbirth are actually the easiest way to have a kid in most cases. I always recommend this essay. If I wanted to become a single mom (which I have considered and not 100% ruled out), I would use a sperm donor.
I have thought that I’d like to foster, with the goal being reunification with their bio family. I’d like to be a safe space for a kid going through a hard time
R/singlemothersbychoice
There are good men out there, but not enough of them for every woman who wants one. If having a kid is important to you, you’re smart to start thinking about this.
This is a different situation, but my friend ended a bad marriage in her late 30’s and didn’t want to risk not being able to have kids if she waited until she found another, better, partner. For her, having a child was more important than having a romantic partner so she decided to go it alone. She looked at many different options and went with IVF + donor. Her daughter just turned 1 and is the absolute light of her life!
My husband and I didn’t find each other until our late 30’s and didn’t want to have kids right away so adoption may be the route we go.
There are many paths to motherhood and many forms a family can take.
I looked into it before I met my partner (met him in my mid thirties). We’re now looking into having a kid through egg donor. The main thing (wherever you adopt) is to be prepared for trauma and special needs.
But also really worth checking out what the situation is in your city/province/state. Where I live (British Columbia) many of the adoptive kids are Indigenous. The vast majority have special needs (and if you consider attachment trauma a special need, virtually all of them will), and you have to go through training in managing special needs (FASD, autism, etc) to be able to adopt. There’s also special training to go through if you’re adopting interracially.
Where I live, adoption is a very lengthy process (10+ years) and very expensive. A lot of countries don’t allow single people to adopt, so I would have to go for a domestic adoption, but this is not really common here. Foster care is often emergency care over here, not long term, so I ended up choosing the single mother by choice route.
You may want to check adoption procedures, etc, where you live and decide if that’s your route to take.
Best of luck!
I would have loved to adopt but Australia has very strict laws owing to the Hague Convention and socioeconomic factors surrounding adoption and to a lesser extent fostering.
It’s near impossible to adopt a child in Australia and even then it’s majority kin and open adoptions. I also struggle morally with the idea of adoption now, especially international adoptions. So in the end, I think this is a good thing, but would still like to give fostering with reunification a crack because I want to support kids and families where I can.
However if I were to have kids, I think I would like to try organically or through altruistic surrogacy.
When I was in my 20s I was convinced that if I reached 35 and was still single, I would go the artificial insemination route. Well, im 36 now and im now in the camp that it’ll be crazy to be a single parent in this day and age, even if financially able.
Hear me out: where do you fall on the Kinsey Scale.
Asking because, if you’re at all into women, that seems like an awesome route to explore.
Hard no but sometimes I like to watch Kristin and Shivangi on TikTok. At times it seems (extremely) performative but also it shows two happy people.
So when it comes down to it adoption is a business and it can be expensive. You’re also not guaranteed to get a “perfect” child in a “perfect” scenario. Of course you may not get that either with a biological child plus pregnancy and child birth can do a whole lot to your body. There’s a lady on social media who makes video list of all the “wild and weird” things that happened with childbirth and pregnancy, and it’s honestly pretty informative. There’s a lot of questions to ask yourself though like are you able to raise a child who maybe mentally/physically comprised? What if your childs unable to go to school or a daycare? Are you able to take off for medical appointments or surgeries? Adding in adoption issues you maybe dealing with a child addicted to drugs etc. Plus adoption has alot of legal fees.
I think any decision has its pros and cons.
A very silly comment but I legit read the title and thought it was asking if anyone was considering adopting a woman who’s in her 30s and was like WHAT lol
I’m 38F but not single, and we just started fostering my nephew, and it’s looking likely that he’ll be with us permanently. If that happens, we would adopt him.
If you have an excellent support network, eg. supportive parents who live close by, that would crucial for being a single parent. There are subreddits that focus more specifically on single parenthood.
I can speak more on fostering/adopting, though. It’s something I’ve always been interested in doing. This ended up being completely unplanned—the baby’s mom (my sister) is clearly not doing well, which is why he ended up in our care. Adoption inevitably comes with trauma, so it’s extremely important to be trauma-informed. And if you adopt/foster a kid from a different nationality or background, you’ll also need to be culturally competent. R/adoption has adoptive parents and adoptees, and it’s very eye opening to read the experiences of both.
Others have already mentioned the difficulty and cost of adopting, so I won’t touch on that. But I’ll add that some people think fostering will be a cheaper, easier way to adopt, but it’s a huge misconception. First, the goal of fostering is to help a child reunify with their bio family. Yes, there are a few children in the system whose parental rights have already been terminated, but not a whole lot because the states prefer not to terminate parental rights until they have a permanency plan for the child. Second, it’s not easier lol. Depending on the state and what you expect from a placement (eg. are you open to sibling groups, children with special needs), some people can wait a long time for a placement. I know a couple who’ve been waiting over a year and still haven’t had a child placed with them.
Lastly, as someone with CPTSD from an abusive childhood and abusive romantic relationships, do all the therapy and work now and know that it’s lifelong work. My anxiety and depression are through the roof now that I’m a parent. I’m so glad I’ve been going to therapy every week for the past 5 years leading up to this, and even then this is extremely hard and is testing my emotional regulation every waking and non-waking second.