There are so many posts in this group asking for advice or validation while describing relationships that range from unfulfilling, to incompatible, to horrifically abusive.
Most often, especially in cases of abuse (understandably), the advice is to leave. Sometimes there are hundreds or even thousands of comments telling the OP to leave. But as we know, a lot of women will make those posts for months or years and still defend their partner and not leave.
So I can’t help but wonder, is there anyone in this group who made a post like that and actually left? Care to share your story?
Comments
I left my husband after posting in a two chromosomes. Essentially My soon to ex is a very strong libertarian who is anti-government, anti-vaccine and was anti-anti social security number. I ultimately couldn’t in good confidence, have kids with him because how he would raise them would be neglect in my book.
I moved back to my home state and I’m living with my parents as of 4 months ago. My post was kind of my reality check that I couldn’t stay in a relationship where we were so incompatible.
I had it in my head that I needed to keep trying to make the relationship work and that getting a divorce would be failure. It’s been awhile since I’ve left but I’m starting to rebuild and it will eventually be okay. You find the post easily enough if you look under my username.
I did. It was a while back and truthfully still thankful I got a sounding board my reasons of leaving was not a creation of my mind. My ex-fiance was emotionally abusive and controlling. There was a lot I tolerated in that relationship I would not and looking back seems so obvious. My life got much better afterwards. Like incrementally- my finances, social life, home life improved, it was like a true relief. And what he did after- aka going public with another woman, posting it all over social media a week after I gave the ring back was the ultimate confirmation (he was accusing me of talking to guys, etc all through our relationship, not allowing me to maintain my hobbies or friendships).
It is hard to leave- I didn’t even when I knew I should. It took a very specific occasion, he called my miscarriage with my prior partner ‘the best thing that could of happen’ (it was a very much wanted baby). If that doesn’t happen, perhaps even with the advice of Reddit I would have stayed and married him.
not this sub but in r/absusiverelationships. and yeah i left.
Years ago I posted in a different subreddit (under a different account) about my ex-husband, was told his behavior was abusive (I really just needed confirmation from someone other than myself), and did end up leaving him, though it wasn’t right away. It definitely helps to hear from third parties that your abusers actions are in fact abuse. It is really hard to be certain when you’re in the thick of it, because mind games and blame shifting are often a big part of it. It may not immediately lead to the end of the relationship, but I do think it can help.
I posted on here not too long ago about marrying the “nice” guy who turned out to be a covert narcissist.
I was trauma bonded to him so I kept going back. Having so many women share their experiences with similar men helped a ton and I finally left for good.
I did but i mainly posted to vent. Even though everyone gave solid advice it took a lot of other factors and courage for me to leave
I posted on here (I think this one or ask women no censor) about my ex who withdrew intimacy and questioned him about it that evening. He broke up with me. The posts at the time suggested he was going to leave me. He seemed in half a mind at the time but still went ahead with it and put me through hell for months. Reddit pretty much called it.
Y’all dragged me out of a hole with a partner/friend/runaround who I subsequently realized was pretty emotionally abusive. Some of the commenters were hella frank but I needed it. I’m still piecing my self esteem back together but it’s finally over, I’m in therapy, and I’ve never been more proud of myself and grateful for people who are willing to give feedback without judgment. I cannot believe I ever let someone so mean get so close, but I also know that I’m not above the basic human psychology that makes it hard to leave those situations. It turns out my state supports free counseling for abuse survivors- in hindsight, I think part of why I stayed was that clinging to him was easier than getting the therapy I knew I needed, and now I’m right where I need to be.
I posted about feeling like an asshole for resenting my 5-year unemployed partner for not pulling his weight around the house because he has a chronic (but well managed) illness. I’d been carrying the mental, emotional, financial load in our relationship but a huge portion of our therapy sessions revolved around why I no longer wanted ‘intimacy’ (sex, other intimacy didn’t count).
I left a lot out in my original post, but hearing from women with chronic illnesses who still do SOMETHING was validating. I gave him a few more chances, was frank of my needs and expectations in therapy, but he was still ‘completely blindsided’ when I told him I wanted to separate (even though he’d threatened it in every session the 6 months leading up to it).
I’ve since realised that he was covertly emotionally abusive (unintentionally, which is why I didn’t realise it at the time), and I was trauma bonded. It’s been a bit of a shock so starting therapy soon to process it!
I LOVE that this sub and others like it can and do have positive real life effects. It can all seem so nebulous and faraway, so it’s a nice reminder that there are good consequences to our online gatherings.
I posted a few years ago from a burner account, finally admitting I was scared I was in an abusive relationship. As of recent, I’m finally free.
Often times these situations are complex and difficult to leave. A bunch of internet strangers telling me to leave did not single-handily get me out, but it was meaningful. It meant a lot to be seen and acknowledged in that way
Yes. This sub helped a lot, as well as the domestic abuse sub.
I left a week ago and it feels like a huge weight has been lifted and I am not going back again.