I posted this question in another sub reddit and it was suggested I also post here too.
I’m curious to hear from anyone who has remarried their former spouse. If you did, how has it worked out for you the second time? How much time between your divorce and remarriage? Was the relationship stronger after the reconciliation, or did old patterns eventually resurface?
If it didn’t work out the second time, what do you feel were the main reasons? Were they the same issues as before, or did new challenges emerge?
I’d really appreciate hearing about your experiences — both the successes and the struggles. Thank you in advance for sharing your stories.
Comments
No, but I am considering it. But he’s done some work and so have I, so it may make sense.
I know someone who did. They ended up divorced twice. So not well for them I guess.
My in-laws tried a second dance like this – worked out as well for them as it did for Icarus, Daedalus, and their wax wings. And caused even more pain for their adult kids than they’d already caused. YMMV.
Not me. Made me decide never to get married again.
I had an aunt and uncle that did. They had lived in NYC and she hated it and moved to Vermont. She told him she would reconsider if he would move there as well. Quite a few years later he did, they remarried and were happy as best I could tell.
My bestie remarried her ex… and is now divorced again. He was an alcoholic and abusive. He did not change.
I’ve only known one couple that remarried, and they got divorced again.
In retrospect, there was no reason for them to have thought anything would be different. It wasn’t like they both went to therapy, or did a ton of work on themselves, or had some sort of life-changing near death experience, or became different people, or anything like that.
They both just showed up again and were the same people they were before. After the “honeymoon period,” it was the same marriage again.
My grandpa was married 5 or 6 times, and twice to the same woman, and they also divorced twice too
My former boss remarried their ex spouse and got divorced again. His wisdom was there was a reason why they divorced in the first place and he should have listened to his intuition.
I did. It went badly.
My sister’s BF’s parents did and they’ve been together like 30 more years now, maybe longer and seem happy.
Had a neighbor marry and divorce the same man 3 times. I never meet him but she had a touch of crazy in her.
We married in 1993, divorced in 1996 and remarried in 2013, happily ever after.
I had a coworker remarry her ex
I told her that was like taking the second bite of the turd ‘just to make sure’
She divorced him a year later and remarried him another time a few years later. That one also ended in divorce
I had friends who did this after 6 years apart. I think they lasted another 20 until he passed. They were happy and there was a lot less tension the 2nd time around.
Anyone ever had a third time around?
My co worker did this but they jsut did domestic partnership for tax/insurance and not marriage marriage haha she was in her 60s, they got married at like 19 or something, had like 4 kids super young, got divorced like 20 years ago. They co parented and ended up coparenting a grandchild bc one of their kids needed help and thats what made them reconnect
She also said that she had bought and fixed up her own home, he had his own condo and they were paid off so they chose to have separate homes and just go in between them!?!? And THAT was the secret was having their own space? So there were no small grievances? Hahah
I had a patient who also had a long term relationship who said the secret was having their own space haha
Stand-up comedian Sinbad divorced his wife in 1992, and then they remarried 10 years later in 2002. It seems to have gone much better the second time around. I’m sure it helps that he kept his house, so that he has a space for his stuff, and a place to go to if things get too intense.
https://youtu.be/-3H1eZpnlZU?si=npb_-BzkU2XGtCE6
My FiL married his 2nd wife twice. Divorced twice.
Every time I hear this question I compare it to, have you ever fallen off your bike and landed on the top rail of the frame? Would you voluntarily do it again?
I knew a guy who remarried his first ex wife who was the mother of his children. He subsequently married and divorced a couple of women. I asked him why he remarried the first wife, at this point he was in his 50’s. He replied that he finally figured out that if he stopped drinking he could make a marriage work. He went back to the first wife for the family life of being a grand parents together. I have no idea why she remarried him, but he made a good living so maybe that was part of it. As far as I know they stayed married for as long as he stayed sober.
my birth father married his wife, not my birth mother, 4 different times and had a kid with each marriage. some friends of my parents married each other three time, and married others when they were not married to each other.
marring your ex provides a sense of security, you know what to expect.
in the process … together for 10; divorced for 12 years. been back together for a year … we love each other and never got over each other. it’s also been extremely painful. i thought we’d be like we were … i don’t know why. time and shit have taken its toll but we are committed to sticking it out this time.
I had an aunt and she shot her husband, divorced him, and then they got married a second time. Stayed married for 20 years until I believe he passed from natural causes!😉
My ex husband remarried one of his wives. They are separated now…
Got half my stuff back
I did. We were married for 11 years and divorced because he was an alcoholic and addict. We have 2 kids who were 5y and 7y at the time.
He started on his journey to sobriety 2 months after we left. We always had an open line of communication as long as he was working his program and staying sober, which he did. It wasn’t easy, but we managed to co-parent very well because I refused to stay mad for the sake of being mad. He made amends to me and our kids and was doing what he needed to help himself.
4 years passed and we kicked around moving in together and eventually decided to give it a try with no plans to remarry. COVID hit and there was a concern for him since he did not have health insurance. We talked about it one night and joked that we should do it on April Fool’s Day and no one would believe we actually remarried.
The next day, we had a friend notarize our marriage certificate and have been happier the second time. We hardly argue, but when we do, it’s not volatile, and we have constructive conversations. He will celebrate 11 years of sobriety in a few months.
Edited to remove random letters that popped up.
Sour milk never turns fresh….except in your dreams.
only in dreams. mixed results
Yes, I did. I divorced my husband the first time in 2016 hoping it would cause him to wake up and realize the consequences of his drinking, drug use and irresponsibility.
He was a great husband for years but through time/stress of a baby and five year old/promotion at work he wasn’t equipped to handle he turned to drinking, drugs and disappearing after work. He did wake up and promise things would be different so we remarried in late 2017.
He was “back to normal” for about a year and a half and I truly thought it was behind us but one day he didn’t come home from work and I knew. Divorced again in 2019.
I am just now healing from it all and still wish things had been different but you can’t change other people; they have to want to change for themselves.
He didn’t want to change and is actually in a worse place now than he’s ever been before; lost his job, no car, living at his mom’s house, back child support and lots of misguided anger that I didn’t “help” him. From what I have seen statistically speaking, the same problems come back and getting remarried to an ex spouse rarely works out. I think it depends highly on the root cause of the issues.
I didn’t but my parents did.
When I was 4 years old they divorced but then got together and married again when I was 8 years old (and my brother was born).
Eventually their relationship broke down and they divorced again when I was 20.
After that my mum married another guy, my dad remained single but never alone.
I did, it was the worst decision ever, she wanted to get me back for taking the kids from her in the first divorce, and in this process she not only destroyed me, totally, but my precious girls lost their home, me, and were moved into a violence shelter to keep up with her charges against me. She has tried for 14 years to convince them she HAD to protect them etc. and they HATE her for it, and me as well I’m sure. Don’t do it, just don’t think everything in your past will stay there, because it’s right under the surface and is 100x worse when it comes up again. I remarried her after I lost my life and one eye in a car wreck, and tattooed “my angel” on me with her name, brother my death ment nothing, all she wanted was revenge. Good luck, but there is a woman who will stick with you for life, don’t mess around with the one who already proved she is about herself and you were her problem, that doesn’t change in their heart.
Ask Marie Osmond
A friend’s daughter divorced and remarried the same guy twice. He’s in prison for molesting their children.
Generally, I’d say you divorced for a reason. Remember what that reason was and consider if it still exists or would come back if you resumed the relationship.
My friend did this and they stayed married. It was devastating to their family when they divorced so it was so good to see them reconcile. 30 years so far
My brothers in laws did and they remained married until he died in his 80s. They married super young early 20s, then remarried mid 30s and went on to have kids.
Yes.
Divorced a second time after 11 years in second marriage. Second marriage was a mistake for sure.
When he died in 2018 15 years after our second divorce, he asked me and my husband to be present at his bedside, as we had become friends. It also helped us to support our kids emotionally
Technically I’m #4. Been together 30 years. Married 20. 21 in July. Together much much longer than others added together.
Not me, but I know someone who married his ex. At the first divorce, she just wanted out. For the second divorce, she cleaned him out and took everything. Poor guy.
My dad and mom divorced when I was 3.
He then married, divorced, married and divorced the same lady. He apparently quit drinking after the divorce, so they remarried. Then she said that he had changed so much that he could probably start drinking again and be fine. It was not fine. They divorced again and he quit drinking for good.
So we never actually finalized the divorced, but we were separated for a solid decade. Neither of us ever had another relationship during that time (not because of anything to do with the separation, we just didn’t have any interest.)
During that decade we fought, we co-parented, and finally we went to family therapy with the kids and that lead to personal therapy about 5 years in. At 7 years in we decided to do some joint therapy to work through hurts and gain communication skills as co-parents. After 2 years of that we were slowly kind of dating again and after a year of that we decided to get back together. He didn’t move back in with the kids and I till a year later.
We’re coming up on our 20th anniversary from our wedding date, 4 years since we got back together.
It’s going well. Better than it ever was before. We have far more skills, less stress, and more stability than we did back then. He’s done work, I’ve done work, there’s no greener grass- we had 10 years to explore the other side of the fence and it wasn’t appealing. We’re talking about possibly renewing our vows.
So it’s been a LOT of work. It would have been much easier to either find someone new or just stayed single (which I honestly didn’t mind. As I said, I never found anyone else even remotely appealing.) But I’m glad we’ve put that work in and continue to do so.
My cousin married her ex in 1984. Been together since!
I haven’t done that myself, thank God, but I know two couples who have. One of them are still married but the other one got divorced again.
One of my employees’ parents split up and then 10 years later worked it out. Seems to still be okay to this day.
My cousin and her high school boyfriend were married at 18 and divorced at 25. He remarried and had two kids. They met up after he divorced his second wife at 55 and they remarried each other a few months after. They are now 75. Love, crazy love.
Judge Judy did, incase it hasn’t been mentioned.