I ’25F’ have been in a relationship with my person ’27NB’, we’ll call them A, for almost six years now. Over the course of the last few years I have gone through schooling (undergrad and graduate school) and am now a mental health professional. A and I have gone through many life differences as many people do in their 20s and recently I’ve had a lot of people asking me if I have out grown my relationship.
A has been struggling with their depression for majority of their life and I have always wanted to support them with that AND try my hardest to not ‘do’ therapy on them because that is unethical and rude in my mind. But with A’s mental health they have a very hard time talking to me about how they’re feeling and often responds with ‘I don’t know’ to any question I ask them. I have asked them to work on this in their own therapy over the last few years but things have not really shifted and I’m starting to feel burnt out from trying to support them. I’ve had a lot of conversations with them about my concerns and I’m always met with ‘I’m working on it’.
Recently we had a fight where A felt disrespected by me and others in a conversation about them asking my dad for permission to marry me. I know it’s old fashioned but that’s something that is important to me and my dad so I think it’s really important! We spent that night mostly in private and I was trying to get him to talk to me, I even put my phone away and waiting to give good body language so that they would know they had my full attention. I got nothing, I tried to get them to talk to me and I spoke about how I felt unwelcome in their home right now and almost left. I didn’t and I thought we eventually talked and went to bed. Come a few days later I woke up to a harsh text about continuing to feel disrespected and not wanting me to talk to people about that stuff. That message upset me because we were together for two days after the initial fight and they didn’t say anything to me.
I told them in person I didn’t appreciate that type of communication. I feel like they’re avoiding the situation that way. They have done this in the past and I feel like I haven’t seen any change over the last 6 years and I am starting to lose hope that this person will not be my forever person.
I’ve done talking g about this in my own therapy sessions and I’ve been validated that these things aren’t normal, but I’ve also been offered that maybe I’m just growing out of this person or that I need someone who may be able to do the things I’m looking for or that I need to be on my own again? I know depression makes things so difficult and it’s hard for people to express themselves. But it is to the point where ‘I don’t know is becoming a trigger phrase for me.
Have I out grown this relationship or is this just a rough patch?
TL:DR There is a lot missing most likely so if some things don’t make sense that’s probably why.