Throwaway account for this humiliating question. My gf and I are in our mid 20s. We’ve been dating for just over 3 years now. When we first got together our sex life was very active. I know it’s common for it to decrease a little as time goes on, but we’re down to 2 or 3 times a month vs 5 times a week. Our sex life is much less spontaneous. It only happens when she initiates and is declined when I attempt to. The sex is primarily geared to her pleasure and about 50% of the time she gets “overwhelmed” from orgasm, and has no interest in making me finish.
In addition to the decrease in sex life, my gf has been making comments that feel emasculating to me lately. She keeps referring to me as “just a little guy”. I’m on the shorter side (5’8) but am muscular and have typical adult male features. The other night, when talking about spirit animals, she told me she sees me as “a little field mouse wearing a top hat, tweed jacket and walking with a cane”.
I feel like if a girl sees me as “just a little guy” and “a tiny old mouse” she is not attracted to me and would not want to have sex with me. Is her perception of me weird to any one else? I work a typically masculine blue collar job, I lift weights, I have traditionally masculine hobbies, decent facial hair. Should she see me as her big strong man?
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uh she is obsessed with you when women say things like that they are truly in love. maybe she will call u her sweet little baby boy next
I don’t think her comments indicate that she’s lost attraction to you at all, just that she’s a little odd. “Just a little guy” is a meme, so that’s probably where that’s coming from. The mouse thing just sounds cute, tbh.
If her comments are bothering you, though, you should talk to her about them. She’s the only one who can fully explain what she means by them.
Just ask her “wtf do you mean by the little guy”. Take yourself esteem and your masculinity back.
Have you told her those comments upset you? If she continues after being told then it’s not worth it.
Have you tried having a conversation about your sex life? Failing that, sexual incompatibility can be a reason to break up.
Trying to figure out how to feel about how you think she feels is deep into speculation and will mostly just give you anxiety.
Yeah, that’s disrespectful. Tell her it bothers you. If she keeps doing it, that’s a problem.
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I don’t think she means to insult you at all, but regardless of intention that sort of thing can still hurt. You really do need to have a talk to her about how you’re feeling and what your worries are.
If you don’t like it, you’re allowed to tell her that!
But i will say, you can be her big strong man and sweet little boy at the same time!! It’s a term of endearment
The mouse sounds like a specific character rather than an insult. Relating people to characters is a thing people do. It has zero to do with sex and everything to do with personality. Also, the mouse characters only see themselves as weak and insignificant, they actually are pretty great in their respective roles. She likely means something endearing and not insulting. Likely you both have your own quirks and need to discuss your love languages directly to understand them. She seems to be trying words of affirmation and it is being completely missed/misunderstood.
I don’t think those two things are necessarily connected. And I could go either way on the “little guy” comments. Sometimes I look at my boyfriend and all I can see is like the 7 year old I’ve seen pictures of, and I want to baby and take care of him, but that doesn’t mean I don’t see him as a man. I think you really do just need to ask her. You’re a strong adult man, so do the strong thing and the next time she says something along those lines, you don’t have to be a dick, but say something like “Saying stuff like that kind of confuses me. Do you really think that?”. Tbh I think it is just a thing girls say to their boyfriends, but if you want more clarity then that’s always the best way to get it. And with the whole her not trying to get you off thing… she might just kind of suck. But more realistically that also requires a conversation. Sex is like any other part of a relationship, it requires communication to function. Bring it up to her and if she reacts negatively you might want to think about how important a balanced and frequent sex life, is to you.
There are two possibly separate issues here. The pet names could mean anything, from deep affection to dismissive ridicule. I have no idea. But the decrease in your sexual connection/frequency is something concrete that I’d be concerned about, and an honest conversation about that is called for. Don’t get angry, just say you’d like more and you wonder if she wants to express her feelings/opinions on the frequency and quality of your sexual connection.
DUMP HER
i call my boyfriend little guy and baby and he’s 6’2”. when women are really in love it just feels like you’re our little baby idk
Your name is chipmunk
Imagine if a woman said “my partner never bothers to finish me and always rejects when I initiate”
The answer would be he’s selfish, he’s a porn addict, maybe he’s cheating and on and on
She’s a bad, selfish lover who isn’t meeting your needs. Find someone else
I don’t know if I’d put too much stock in the “just a little guy” and “mouse in a tweed jacket” comments. I know guys that fit both characterizations who are extremely attractive. She might be silly, she might be whimsical. Could it be a goad? Possibly. But I think far more likely it falls on the side of a harmless windup or just straight up affectionate babble. If it’s making you insecure, it’s on you to set that boundary, but honestly being secure about it and not flying into a frenzied need to prove your sexual dimorphism is probably your best bet.
The real issue here is the sexual dysfunction. 2-3 times a month isn’t outrageous 2-3 years into a relationship, but one party consistently “feeling overwhelmed” after orgasm and then checking out is not a recipe for long term happiness. It’s worth having a serious discussion over. At bare minimum you have grounds to assert that your feelings and needs aren’t being taken fully into account. Not shocking for a couple of 20 somethings and hardly irreparable, but how she responds to a conversation about these things is a good litmus test for the health of your relationship.