Have any of you found that young kids really test your relationship? I know it’s cliche, but I’m talking myself off the cliff of considering a divorce once a week it seems. We never fought before kids really, and now our differences over parenting decisions and just generally stupid shit has us bitter and being nasty to each other all the time.
I have a 14 month old child and one more coming in the fall. I love my kid and the joy brings me to tears multiple times a week. We’ve Been married since 2022, met in 2020. A rapid series of events of married and pregnant within 3 years since we met. Love my wife and, after many failed relationships, felt that I finally found my peace and my soulmate. We have a challenging child, to say the least. Healthy but a major handful. My wife quit her job and I am the provider which works in a VHCOL area only because of smart financial decisions I made early and career moves I made. I can’t seem to do anything right during the times when I’m on dad duty. I also get a lot more free time than my wife, partially because she refuses to let go of control and let me watch our kid alone, and she’s too exhausted to do anything. I certainly own my part in the difficulties, but DAMN, is child rearing this difficult for everyone ?
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Almost the exact same topic posted here yesterday. Here’s a link:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskMenOver30/comments/1jx7053/does_having_a_child_change_things_between_you_and/
Dude yes. It’s quite rare when it doesn’t. Like super rare.
>she refuses to let go of control and let me watch our kid alone, and she’s too exhausted to do anything.
That’s your biggest issue right now and you need to change that, otherwise it’s only going to get worse.
Your wife is a SAHM and also being in complete control? That leads to burnout real quick, if not already. She needs to have “her” time and get away a couple times a week MINIMAL for her to feel like a person again. Also – don’t assume PPD isn’t at play here; it can last from several months to YEARS if not treated, so that might be something to look out for.
As for advice? Get back to dating each other and being a couple.
It is very, VERY easy to just become “Mom & Dad” and forget you to are “Husband & Wife.” The longer you go without acting like a romantic couple that loves each other, the closer you get to “co-parenting roommates” status, where you technically still love each other but you’re not a married couple, as married couples show each other romance and still have regular sex with each other (medical issues of course being an exception).
My wife and I are kind of there right now. We’re celebrating our 10-year wedding anniversary in the summer. We’re also on a 7-month streak of no intimacy whatsoever and our sex life has been only a handful of times a year since she was pregnant with our one & only. Our kid is turning 7 this summer. So that’s about 7 years of a slow descent into co-parenting roommates territory, which we’re kind of at right now.
I used to be upset about the issues with sex, now I’m indifferent (and before people come at me with that “choreplay” nonsense, I do the majority of cooking, cleaning, and child care/entertainment so my wife isn’t doing everything with me being a lazy asshole wondering why I’m not getting laid anymore). I’m also kind of indifferent to our anniversary this summer. Guess we’ll see what happens.
DO NOT ignore your problems, they will only get worse. Talk to her numerous times if you need to, or get professional help if needed, to make sure your wife is getting the treatment she needs (if needed), gets to feel like herself throughout the week, and your marriage is still a place of love & effort.