My husband (28M) and I (26F) have been married for almost two years. Ever since we got engaged and got a house together ( together for like a year at that point) his mom had made passive aggressive comments to me. Basically showing Im not the girl she would’ve picked for my husband/her son. After a year and a half of dealing with her snide commentary I broke down to my husband and begged him to call her to tell her to knock it off with the comments as we had already distanced ourselves from her due to them. I have always felt that shes well aware of what she was saying whereas my husband more-so thinks shes just ditzy and doesn’t realize how she comes off.
He did end up calling her. If you go to my post history there is a post about that as well.
So now its been about 4-5 months since that conversation and I will say whenever we do see her she has been better and no comments have been made. But she still never talks to me or has tried to fix the relationship other than apologizing on the phone call to me. My SIL thinks that MIL may be kind of intimidated by me and scared to loose her son if she says anything else bad which I personally find it sad that it seems to be the mentality of “oh well I just wont say anything then.” And she probably wasn’t expecting us to call her out either.
Im curious if anyone else has had the conversation with MIL and if the relationship actually got better or if its been crickets. I know lots would probably prefer it to stay quiet on MILs end. I have a feeling it would have to be me to reach out if I did want it to be better but why do they always leave it to us? Especially when its been them that messed it up in the first place. Any insight would be appreciated.
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Other posts from /u/throwaway99911250:
Finally talked to MIL about her passive aggressive comments, 3 months ago
How to deal with MIL that guilt trips because she needs to be needed, 3 months ago
MIL says SIL is better at sending photos, 4 months ago
MIL complaining DH Doesn’t Call Her Anymore, 6 months ago
How to get over MIL not liking you , 9 months ago
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What you are essentially asking for is for her to like you and that’s not something you or even she can control.
If you think about it, the comments from before are because she didn’t have a positive opinion of you for whatever reason (resentment, jealousy, you didn’t compliment her new dishtowels, or she just decided that she didn’t want to like you arbitrarily). Your partner let her know that she can’t show that dislike or else she won’t be welcome in his life. So she is controlling herself now so that she doesn’t show how she feels about you.
That’s very different from her enjoying your company or wanting to be around you. So it shouldn’t be surprising that she hasn’t reached out more because the change isn’t about her feelings, it’s about her behavior.
Let me give you some advice on your thoughts on this. It’s not a “oh well I just wont say anything then.” . It’s what she considers petty revenge. She’s going to pretend like she can’t say anything right around you and just not interact with you. If she were making an effort to have a relationship she would continue to have conversations with you and, at most, be overly cognizant of your boundaries until she understood them a little better. Instead she has shut down all communication to ice you out.
To answer you’re question, I’m sure there are some who end up going on to have a better relationship with their MILs, but the overall consensus seems to be that the MILs generally never get better. That’s because they have to want to change and no one can force that upon them. My MIL and mother continue to descend further down their rabbit holes as they get older, and are more determined than ever to prove that everyone else is the problem and they are just the victims. So, in my case, no, I think we’ve passed all the exit ramps to turning the relationships around at this point. Even if they wanted to there so much bad blood that I’m not sure I would ever want to.
No. And it wont. She insulted my dad and mom while living in their house rent free…im dont with her,
She straight up doesn’t like you and is merely being civil now.