hate myself and my thoughts

I am hoping to see a psychologist soon-

I have history of intrusive thoughts,ocd traits and autism. I was having fucked up thoughts about looking up fucked things on internet, I was on dark web once, its a fucked up place, i seen stuff advertised that no sane person would want to see. I didn’t want to ruin my life,i didnt click or view anything, i just reported and never went back.

I get nightmares sometimes how bad i got, i got medication to help with intrusive thoughts, I have job now,i work out, i watch tv, I think i am doing better. I do feel like a piece of shit sometimes, i tell myself,its up to myself to prove myself im not a bad person. I just wanted to vent somewhere. Thanks for reading.