No but sometimes when I find myself attracted to a man I feel more so “if I was single I would absolutely…” but I could truly never replace the amazing man I’ve married.
I married a woman who thinks she’s smarter because she wears makeup and thinks she lives in Hollywood (she comes from a country under dictatorship)
However, she has quite an extensive background.
But although she is Arab
I can’t find what I was originally looking for
And above all huge disappointment in his empathy towards a cause that is close to my heart and not at all on his side
On the education of children also a huge disappointment!!!
They still succeed in their schooling but there is a real difference with the values!
So you have to be careful to be aligned because otherwise it will be an existential suffering.
In short, it’s a choice of a lifetime
I often regret
But my morality requires me to take responsibility.
I do love my wife, no doubt about that, but she has done a lot of shit that I didn’t find out about til later when we were married that if I had been aware of I probably would have ended things with her.
Things like giving her parents all of her savings and telling them we’d help them unquestioningly when they were buying fancy electronics and cars they couldn’t afford to pay the loans for, while telling me that they needed it because her little brother was sick, or volunteering me to do things, particularly work, for free while also getting super upset if I in any way need something from her family and don’t want to pay above market rates
I trained 4 of their animals for free and spent weeks helping set up their backyard farm to get it perfect but if I want a hand with some construction I need to pay more than their standard.
Or kids, I always thought she wanted kids, I want kids, but because of our financial struggles she doesn’t want to have a kid yet, but the only reason we’re in financial trouble is because of her actions
Definitely. People change and the idea of forever is a literal fairy tale for most marriages.
The legal and financial ramifications of a divorce are devastating. Then what it can do to a family with kids… all the court hearings.. etc. Its just traumatic for everyone.
Is the divorce rate is 50% and if even 70% of the remaining marriages who stick are happy until the end (i seriously doubt it’s that high).. then statistically your chances from the start are in the 30s percentile that it will be a good choice.
With those odds why would you invite the legal system into your life and give it so much control??
Now ask yourself what exactly is it you cannot have if you don’t get married? Marriage brings way way more risk than the positive hopes people think it provides.
Whatever the most extreme form of the word “regret” is, that’s how I feel about my marriage.
First off, I take 100% of the blame for this. I walked right into it and I ignored all the red flags which were many.
She had a kid from a previous relationship and her son had mental issues causing interruptions in her employment. She was about to get evicted and I told them they could move in with me.
It did not work out at all and I told her that she had to move out after a big fight. A couple weeks later she tells me that she’s pregnant and we try to make it work.
She ended up developing a drug addiction and was totally unreliable. I ended up doing everything in this marriage. I couldn’t leave her because she would use our daughter as a pawn throughout the whole marriage so I had to stay together to protect our daughter. In my state, women get custody no matter what.
Finally, my wife left me when my daughter was 13. It was the happiest day of both of our lives.
There is no reason for men to get married. Marriage is just another way for lawyers to make money.
When you feel that a woman is looking for the gaze of other men
It’s a sign
When you see that she swears on the head of her mother (who died)
It is a sign; especially when she lies!!
When you bring her back to the West and she tells you; It’s good ! Now we are equal!
It sucks but you’ll understand later
When she’s into religion and some things make you think it’s weird
And a few years later she leaves religion
When his modesty is the opposite of what you believed
All this combined
It sucks a lot!!!!
Good luck to you!!
Not even once. It’s been the best decision I ever made.
But I do know men who regretted getting married for several reasons:
One found that his wife was more interested in his career/paycheck than in him. Another found that his new wife had no interest in any sort of intimacy with him, but seemed pretty okay with that concept with her personal trainer. Another discovered his wife was much more into the wedding than the marriage itself. And still another found he and his wife were great friends, but had no spark between them.
These things happen, but the one thing all of these guys had in common was that each of them had doubts before they committed, and they overrode those doubts for one reason or another.
On my first wife right now, i realized at some point that she was trying to turn me into her “perfect husband.””
Ever since I’ve felt nothing, resentment and disgust.
She is a good mother and believes a good person, but not a good wife, mainly for that reason.
I did, i was way too young and had never been alone, ever. For that reason and a number of others, it didn’t work out. Now alone for the first time in my life and it is weird, beautiful, new. I’ll take it for now.
Financial entanglement is a bad idea, no one needs to get married just stay in a relationship. If she’s ready to get married but you’re not ready, don’t ask her. She may leave you, and you may be afraid of that, but your fear of being alone is selfish your fear of being married is… something you should talk to her not the internet about.
Yes. I gave her resources, time, and opportunities. Rather than make something of herself and build something together with me she took advantage, for granted, and then treated me like I was the asshole for not putting up with her attempts to push the envelope and get more out of me when I had had enough.
I realized at the very end every word out of her mouth was poison. Every accusation was a confession and she was or had become a fill blown narcissist…
1st marriage. Couldn’t wait for her to sign the divorce papers. In counseling and on meds she was barely tolerable. Out of counseling and no meds, horrible.
Oh fuck yeah. I didn’t get married until I was 35 and prospective wife was 28 because I wanted to make sure there would be no dramatic changes in personality for her. Give her time to mature, if you will.
Didn’t work. When we met, and then entire time we were not married, she was a down to earth, well grounded, hard-working young woman, who knew what she wanted and pursued it with calm determination.
A few years after we got married, what she wanted changed dramatically. She was an RN and worked with other RN in suburban NY. She became quite close with some of them. Her RN friends were married to a patent lawyer, a commodities trader, a stock broker and a NYPD police captain. They all made much more money than my blue-collar ass did (and mind you, I had a terrific union job, and made plenty of money, more than my wife did). She became very envious of the material things that her friends had…. luxury SUVs, diamond tennis bracelets etc. It ate her up that she didn’t have these things and they did. Now, she could have had some, maybe all of these things, but for her profligate spending habits.
The beginning of the end was when she came home one day and told me that she “deserves a Mercedes”.
She eventually just started cheating on me with one of the doctor’s she worked with. From what I’ve heard (we’re no longer in contact) from some of her friends, she has her Mercedes, and a husband that regularly cheats on her (never saw that coming /s), and is pretty miserable.
I, on the other hand, am retired, financially comfortable, and Julie-Andrews-spinning-on-mountain-top happy.
Comments
My first wife? Totally. Ignored all the red flags and paid the price for it.
Yes, she changed for the worse after.
No but sometimes when I find myself attracted to a man I feel more so “if I was single I would absolutely…” but I could truly never replace the amazing man I’ve married.
Ex-wife, 100% regret. Second wife, zero regret.
I married a woman who thinks she’s smarter because she wears makeup and thinks she lives in Hollywood (she comes from a country under dictatorship)
However, she has quite an extensive background.
But although she is Arab
I can’t find what I was originally looking for
And above all huge disappointment in his empathy towards a cause that is close to my heart and not at all on his side
On the education of children also a huge disappointment!!!
They still succeed in their schooling but there is a real difference with the values!
So you have to be careful to be aligned because otherwise it will be an existential suffering.
In short, it’s a choice of a lifetime
I often regret
But my morality requires me to take responsibility.
5 years divorced now…..
Marriage 😂
You never really know someone until you go through a divorce with them.
The worst thing that can happen is to marry emotions.
After all, sooner or later they will disappear, and with a person you will have to live the rest of your life.
Not gonna lie, sometimes.
I do love my wife, no doubt about that, but she has done a lot of shit that I didn’t find out about til later when we were married that if I had been aware of I probably would have ended things with her.
Things like giving her parents all of her savings and telling them we’d help them unquestioningly when they were buying fancy electronics and cars they couldn’t afford to pay the loans for, while telling me that they needed it because her little brother was sick, or volunteering me to do things, particularly work, for free while also getting super upset if I in any way need something from her family and don’t want to pay above market rates
I trained 4 of their animals for free and spent weeks helping set up their backyard farm to get it perfect but if I want a hand with some construction I need to pay more than their standard.
Or kids, I always thought she wanted kids, I want kids, but because of our financial struggles she doesn’t want to have a kid yet, but the only reason we’re in financial trouble is because of her actions
Not at all here.
Definitely. People change and the idea of forever is a literal fairy tale for most marriages.
The legal and financial ramifications of a divorce are devastating. Then what it can do to a family with kids… all the court hearings.. etc. Its just traumatic for everyone.
Is the divorce rate is 50% and if even 70% of the remaining marriages who stick are happy until the end (i seriously doubt it’s that high).. then statistically your chances from the start are in the 30s percentile that it will be a good choice.
With those odds why would you invite the legal system into your life and give it so much control??
Now ask yourself what exactly is it you cannot have if you don’t get married? Marriage brings way way more risk than the positive hopes people think it provides.
Whatever the most extreme form of the word “regret” is, that’s how I feel about my marriage.
First off, I take 100% of the blame for this. I walked right into it and I ignored all the red flags which were many.
She had a kid from a previous relationship and her son had mental issues causing interruptions in her employment. She was about to get evicted and I told them they could move in with me.
It did not work out at all and I told her that she had to move out after a big fight. A couple weeks later she tells me that she’s pregnant and we try to make it work.
She ended up developing a drug addiction and was totally unreliable. I ended up doing everything in this marriage. I couldn’t leave her because she would use our daughter as a pawn throughout the whole marriage so I had to stay together to protect our daughter. In my state, women get custody no matter what.
Finally, my wife left me when my daughter was 13. It was the happiest day of both of our lives.
There is no reason for men to get married. Marriage is just another way for lawyers to make money.
When you feel that a woman is looking for the gaze of other men
It’s a sign
When you see that she swears on the head of her mother (who died)
It is a sign; especially when she lies!!
When you bring her back to the West and she tells you; It’s good ! Now we are equal!
It sucks but you’ll understand later
When she’s into religion and some things make you think it’s weird
And a few years later she leaves religion
When his modesty is the opposite of what you believed
All this combined
It sucks a lot!!!!
Good luck to you!!
No.
Not for a second
Not even once. It’s been the best decision I ever made.
But I do know men who regretted getting married for several reasons:
One found that his wife was more interested in his career/paycheck than in him. Another found that his new wife had no interest in any sort of intimacy with him, but seemed pretty okay with that concept with her personal trainer. Another discovered his wife was much more into the wedding than the marriage itself. And still another found he and his wife were great friends, but had no spark between them.
These things happen, but the one thing all of these guys had in common was that each of them had doubts before they committed, and they overrode those doubts for one reason or another.
When you know, you know.
On my first wife right now, i realized at some point that she was trying to turn me into her “perfect husband.””
Ever since I’ve felt nothing, resentment and disgust.
She is a good mother and believes a good person, but not a good wife, mainly for that reason.
I did, i was way too young and had never been alone, ever. For that reason and a number of others, it didn’t work out. Now alone for the first time in my life and it is weird, beautiful, new. I’ll take it for now.
Financial entanglement is a bad idea, no one needs to get married just stay in a relationship. If she’s ready to get married but you’re not ready, don’t ask her. She may leave you, and you may be afraid of that, but your fear of being alone is selfish your fear of being married is… something you should talk to her not the internet about.
Yes. I gave her resources, time, and opportunities. Rather than make something of herself and build something together with me she took advantage, for granted, and then treated me like I was the asshole for not putting up with her attempts to push the envelope and get more out of me when I had had enough.
I realized at the very end every word out of her mouth was poison. Every accusation was a confession and she was or had become a fill blown narcissist…
1st marriage. Couldn’t wait for her to sign the divorce papers. In counseling and on meds she was barely tolerable. Out of counseling and no meds, horrible.
Head over to R/Divorce_Men and ask the same question. You might be surprised at the response you get.
Oh fuck yeah. I didn’t get married until I was 35 and prospective wife was 28 because I wanted to make sure there would be no dramatic changes in personality for her. Give her time to mature, if you will.
Didn’t work. When we met, and then entire time we were not married, she was a down to earth, well grounded, hard-working young woman, who knew what she wanted and pursued it with calm determination.
A few years after we got married, what she wanted changed dramatically. She was an RN and worked with other RN in suburban NY. She became quite close with some of them. Her RN friends were married to a patent lawyer, a commodities trader, a stock broker and a NYPD police captain. They all made much more money than my blue-collar ass did (and mind you, I had a terrific union job, and made plenty of money, more than my wife did). She became very envious of the material things that her friends had…. luxury SUVs, diamond tennis bracelets etc. It ate her up that she didn’t have these things and they did. Now, she could have had some, maybe all of these things, but for her profligate spending habits.
The beginning of the end was when she came home one day and told me that she “deserves a Mercedes”.
She eventually just started cheating on me with one of the doctor’s she worked with. From what I’ve heard (we’re no longer in contact) from some of her friends, she has her Mercedes, and a husband that regularly cheats on her (never saw that coming /s), and is pretty miserable.
I, on the other hand, am retired, financially comfortable, and Julie-Andrews-spinning-on-mountain-top happy.
So it goes.
Wife changed after kids and stopped loving me. The behaviors I found slightly irritating before now annoy the fuck out of me.
Yes, she’s a controlling, over-anxious harpy who sucks all the joy out of life but we have kids and shared property so I suck it up.
No. I get to hang out with my best friend all the time.