Sorta yes. I was very badly lonely, and kinda connected with a girl. I didnt find her super ugly but i wasnt really attracted much either. I admitted it to her which im an idiot for and we eventually broke up, i never called her ugly or anything tho.
Yes, I gave him a chance but I just wasn’t feeling it overall so I let him go gently and that’s when I spiraled. I wasn’t in the right headspace at the time.
Yea it’s almost every time for me, because for me, I’m attracted to who the person is more than I am their looks. Their looks are just an additional bonus. If I love them, then, I’ll think they’re hot because they’re them.
I bought into that crap that’s shoveled at women to “be nice” and “give him a chance.” I shouldn’t have. A man doesn’t have to be an axe murderer before a woman is permitted to turn him down.
Currently in a relationship with someone I’m not physically attracted to. He represents safety and comfort and he feels like home. However, our sex life is non-existent.
Yes, for 16 years. I thought I would be left on the shelf otherwise. I was only 23 but felt it was expected of me at the time. I tried but I was unhappy.
Yeah bc I was young and he told everyone we were going out; a kid at a nearby school hung himself bc his gf dumped him. So he tried the same thing with me anytime I tried leaving
Thought I was being overly picky and that in time I would come to be attracted to him. This happened a few times before I came to realize I was a lesbian.
Yep. We worked together. He seemed really nice and everyone in our store was rooting for him to get me as a girlfriend. While he was sweet, we had nothing in common with each other and he wasn’t interested in anything I liked, which made me less enthusiastic to participate in his hobbies. He said and did embarrassing things in front of my friends and my family. He had a girlfriend at 14 that had died and he had a lot of baggage from that. Had I loved him, I might have stayed to help him work thru it but I did not and after 2 months I was so sick of him I had to break things off.
Fun fact, at the time he complained to a co worker that I wouldn’t put out… and that co worker and I just celebrated 18 years together 🥳 as he is attractive to me and makes me laugh and doesn’t compare me to a dead teenager every single day.
When I first met my husband, I thought that he was walleyed. Now I think that he’s the handsomest guy on earth. I loved him for being a GOOD guy. Loved his mom, worked hard, good sense of humor, he kept promises. He ws everything that I had never met before. The more I knew him, the more I fell in love with his looks.
Edit: Thank you for the award. That was so nice of you!
My ex wife. We were together for 4 years.
I really like her personality and sense of humor. We started to hang out all the time and she admitted she had feelings for me. I didn’t want things to change and was afraid that if I rejected her she would find someone else or become distant so I gave it a chance. Most advice says that physical attraction can grow and I wouldn’t say it grew, it would say I got used to it and it didn’t bother me anymore. I loved her. She had low self esteem and would become infatuated with any guy who showed her attention because she didn’t view herself as attractive. She ended up cheating on me with a coworker and we broke up.
Yes. We just got along so well- we had the same sense of humor, the same hobbies… he was also a super compassionate and thoughtful soul. An amazing listener. I always felt safe around him. Even though I didn’t find him particularly physically attractive, I loved spending time with him.
Turns out he was gay and not physically attracted to me either hahaha
Yep, and it was very shitty of me. I thought I could compromise with myself, she was an absolutely lovely human being, amazing personality, just everything you could ask for intellectually speaking. I thought that would be enough for me but it wasn’t. I was a very broken person, hadn’t addressed my own issues and carried them from one relationship to the next. I feel tremendous guilt for not being true to myself and wasting her time, time she’ll never get back.
I’ve often thought of writing to her and apologizing but I think that would ultimately be more self serving for me than do anything for her. She didn’t deserve the way I behaved and doesn’t need to have that hurt revisited just so I can feel better.
I do wish her well, I hope that she finds someone that truly appreciates her for all of her qualities in a way I couldn’t.
Not a relationship, but I had very strong feelings for someone who I never found physically attractive. He was actually 20 years older than me, I guess his maturity was factor. He also had a lot of charm. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so strongly about a person like that before.
Yes. I dated a girl for over a year that I wasn’t actually attracted to because I had a string of bad relationships with hot girls who were toxic and treated me badly. So….when this girl came along and wanted to do anything and everything just to please me, not to mention was incredibly kind and sweet….it was such a breath of fresh air compared to the past relationships. I didn’t marry her, but how she treated me and her personality is what made me attracted to her.
Not a serious relationship but dated a few. One was for convenience and the other I was a little attracted to but not fully. With him he treated me really well and showed me a good time.
Married 6 years. But for the last few I’ve realised I have no interest in sex with her. I feel my sexuality has changed. But our lives are so intertwined if we separated it’d destroy both of our lives 😕
Yes i wanted to be loved so bad. And he was very sweet and loving. Untill he turned out to be a drugaddicted and asshole who sometimes could be a bit aggressive. Went looking for love elsewhere. We where together for almost a year. It was 15years ago and he still messages me because he misses me 🫣
I was told “he’s a nice guy, just give him a chance” so much when I was young, and saying I didn’t find him attractive would get so much hate (I swear people would pull out fucking charts — “you claim to not be attracted to Joe F. and yet you dated both Chris S. and George H.; Joe is at least as attractive as Chris and more attractive than George. You can’t say you’re not attracted to him if you were attracted to them!” and then they’d go on to point out that I was no great prize myself and should be less stuck up. As if finding someone attractive is a question of ego.
So, I’d give in, and date these guys, because I didn’t want to be labeled a bad person who only cared about looks.
This was a long, long time ago. The idea that women could have preferences same as men wasn’t really a thing yet.
Yes, because he was truly my best friend. I thought because of that I’d be able to “work up” to be attracted to him, but unfortunately the opposite happened and we both grew distrusting and grossed out by each other over time.
bc he treated me well, at first it was hard bc u imagine, I didn’t feel that physical attraction but he literally love bombed me so I fell in love lol. When you’re in love you start to like every little thing, and you even find other things to kinda compensate, at the start it was hard when he sent me pictures of his face lmao but when you are actually in love It becomes insignificant, you like many other things about the person. Ppl are so much more than their physique anyway.
Yes, my wife. We are not physically attracted to one another, but we are deeply mentally in love. Our bond is not something I would give for any amount of sex.
I can’t tell you how many people have told me over the years I can’t “really be in love” with someone if I’m not physically attracted to them. Sorry, I don’t have to fuck someone to be deeply, madly in love with them.
Before you ask, neither of us are ACE, and we do maintain a sexual element to our relationship. Our relationship is not open, and we are exclusive to one another.
Sorry if that came across as defensive, but I’ve had to defend my love for many, many years now.
Definitely. Assuming you mean a romantic relationship, I had a policy of giving everyone a shot if they had legitimate interest. Also, physical attraction is somewhat secondary to me. Don’t smell bad, though. That, consistently, is a deal breaker 💩
I don’t experience physical attraction until I’m fully in love with someone. And once I’ve fallen in love with their personality, everything about them is attractive. So I guess the answer is kinda, but only at the beginning.
Honestly sometimes I think I’m broken. I’ve only been genuinely attracted to people a few times in my life so I’m usually single but when you’re aware that it takes something rly specific to get ur motor running u also have to realise that the people that are going to make you feel that way are maybe going to come around a hand full of times in one lifetime.
Basically because I think my standards are unrealistic and I shouldn’t be turning people away just because I don’t instantly want to jump their bones although I’ll be honest it doesn’t feel good to constantly feel like you want more despite the other persons best efforts so I’ve been celibate for years now. It is what it is🤷🏼♀️
I’m demiromantic. I’ve only had 1 girlfriend, and during the relationship, I never had that flicker of feeling in my chest. We ended on good terms and were gonna try in a year.
Yes, I felt a little attraction in the beginning but she wasn’t my type however I thought if we knew each other better maybe it could work, spoiler, it didn’t. Beyond the physical, she was toxic, very possessive and full of many problems product of her low self-esteem, we last a year but it was a horrible relationship that costed me a lot to finish and overcome. Of course all the bad things were about personality and not the physical, however I never find her attractive in any way
They were perfect in every other way. The sex was great, they just weren’t very attractive. Lasted about a decade, split because I realized I didn’t want children.
My first marriage. I was too afraid of hurting her feelings by just breaking up with her so I just stayed and we got married. Then it didn’t work out and we divorced. So if any of you youngsters are reading this heed my warning. Don’t stay with someone just because you don’t want to hurt feelings.
I grew attracted as I fell in love. I knew he was gonna ask me out and even asked for advice on how to turn him down without screwing with our friendship. When I went to say no thank you, a yes fell out. Figured fate required him to be part of my path temporarily. I was wrong about it being temporary. We fell in love and moved in together within 2 months. Together 14yrs now.
Yes, because I thought I was supposed to/it was expected/I’d grow into finding him attractive. He was my first serious partner. It didn’t work out for a variety of reasons, that was just one of them.
Now, I’m ace, so my case is a little different. I don’t experience physical attraction, period. It essentially made me really flexible in regards to what “husband material” was for me, since I mentally extended a shot to some people that weren’t necessarily conventionally attractive but who I had chemistry with. I 100% operated on the “friends first” system though.
Yes, very often. I get used to the person and the person will automatically become attractive. Physical attractiveness will fade anyway. The personality will stay most of the time.
The physical attraction to my man took a minute for sure, it’s not always about looks. He ACTUALLY wants to hangout with me, loves being outside. Our sex life is killer, he is kind, patient, emotionally mature, makes me laugh and all around a good dude. I think he’s the hottest guy out there hehe
Yeah my ex who was in IT. 🤢 Kinda felt sorry for him at first because he was sweet and seemed really nice and I was really only interested because we both liked a couple of the same things. I was so wrong. He was a full blown narc with BPD, as ugly inside as he is on the outside.
‘Physical Attraction’ is an illusion. It’s a collection of personal biases that has nothing to do with the person you are looking at. What ‘beautify is in the eye of the beholder’ means is that your competency at finding beauty in another is what determines attraction. Not that persons appearance.
When you marry someone, and live up to your vows, you are bound to a person who will get older, fatter, and sicker every day for the rest of your life. How is that supposed to work? It’s not magic. Its investment. Old married people who have sustained their love and tended their marriage always say their spouse is the most beautiful in the world. Are they lying?
No. They have spent time searching, exploring, and finding beauty in their person that no one else will ever know. That no one else is qualified to know. They have an artists eye for one particular muse that no one could ever match.
If you are in a relationship with someone you are not ‘physically attracted’ to, you are doing something wrong. You are failing at love in some fundamental way, and it makes me feel sorry for them. Someone else could love them better, and they do deserve better.
Yes. I was young and he was nice. 3 years. Looking back now I have no idea what I was thinking 🤦♀️ my husband is physically my type and it’s so much better. I often catch myself just checking him out and always want to rip his pants off.
I wasn’t attracted to my current bf at all when we first started dating. The only reason why I gave it a shot was because we were really really good friends.
2 years in, I think he’s the hottest guy I’ve been with and I’m madly in love.
my last ex was when i was a senior in high school. he was a few months younger than me, but was already balding. he also never took care of himself. i thought he was sweet tho, he gave me attention i didn’t know i wanted.
Yup. He seemed nice enough at the time and I told myself that maybe I’d end up attracted to him as we got to know each other. Everybody told me how much of a great guy he was. He wasn’t. He was an abusive alcoholic that I wasted so much time on because he threatened to commit suicide every time we argued about anything. It was one of the lowest points in my life, however it definitely taught me to not put up with that kind of abuse again.
My first true long term relationship. I was in a really bad depression and pretty much all of my friends were in lasting relationships while I hadn’t so much as been on a date in a couple years. This girl at college starts giving me a ton of attention and I genuinely was having a good time with her whenever we hung out, but I didn’t find her attractive at all. Still just the feeling of finally having someone care about me just overrode that. It didn’t take long to see I was just afraid of being lonely. After a while I wasn’t enjoying my time with her, I didn’t like the way she was treating me, we got it a lot of arguments and the whole thing lasted way longer than it should’ve because I was terrified of being alone again.
Thankfully that’s way in the past and I got myself some help and I’m now happily married to the love of my life with our first child on the way.
When I was 18 I had a moment of madness. For no reason that I really know of, I decided to tell one of my friends that I thought her friend was cute. I did not. At all. I don’t know what the fuck gripped me and made it come out of my mouth. But as I spent time with him I fell in love with him. I don’t think I ever looked at his face and was like, “my god he’s hot” but I did start to want his hands on me and I was madly attracted to his forearms. It ended up being my first stable relationship after years of being off and on with the first guy I ever dated. I was devastated when we broke up. Even to this day when I come across a picture that’s been tucked away somewhere and forgotten for years I don’t see anything in his face I find attractive. But those arms. I would totally fuck those forearms still.
🙋♀️🤫 , but the D was really good and he has all the qualities I was looking for. Kindness, knowledge, survival skills, listener. 4 kids later and we have ahd our troubles but I love him.
Yeah for so embarrassingly long I’m not even gonna say. I had zero self esteem and thought he was kinda cute in the face. Then he lost all his hair and was already fat and got a lot of fatter. His head looked like an egg on top of a bigger egg. I was lonely and truly hated myself and felt I deserved nothing good. I got a lot of bullshit to recover from. But I found a man who is wonderful and sweet and VERY hot. It’s hard to reconcile how I feel about myself with being with such a hottie who is always super nice to me??? It’s so awesome being with him, but my anxiety spikes like crazy sometimes because I feel like I don’t deserve him.
I (F57) need to be attracted to the man’s looks, & then I need to know he is attracted to my looks. That’s why OLD isn’t working for me. The men it’s showing me all have so many of my deal breakers in terms of physical looks. I’ll chat with anyone, but if there’s no way I can envision being naked (or desire being naked) with them then I see no reason to go further. Personality is not enough for me
Yes dated a cross eyed chick in college that was as big as a whale & Very Ogre looking But her head game was 10/10 so we made it work she could suck a bowling ball through a straw! You know lol well fast forward 12 years & WE ARE MARRIED!!!
I was with a stud before my wife. She would secretly get dressed up for me. When she did she looked great but when she was dressed more manly I wasn’t attracted to her at all. Besides my wife the best lay and 2nd best soul I’ve ever known behind my wife. Amanda hope you are doing well.
My longest relationship, ironically. I just REALLY liked him as a person and I thought I would grow more attracted in time. In retrospect, I was beginning to realize I was trans even if I didn’t really understand it, and he felt like a life preserver for me to make myself be “normal” (cis and straight). But I had always been very much attracted to women my whole life, and spent basically my whole life until that point identifying as lesbian. I guess I thought if I could be happy with him I could ignore everything else – and for a while it kind of worked.
We had a couple rough years after the breakup but now he is one of my best friends. Even came to visit me in the hospital while I was recovering from bottom surgery. I am happily single and he’s dating a really incredible woman so I guess it all worked out ok in the end
I wasn’t my wife’s type, she loved chocolate so asian wasn’t her preference.
But apparently I was her comedic type to the point she loved being around me all the time, then she started picking up on my other traits. Like how I was with kids, my approach and ambition to life so all the pieces fell together.
Problem is now she drools over kdramas or most of the male actors in Crazy Rich Asians.
I’m asexual but didn’t really figure it out til recently. Up til then I identified as pan, because to me I was never attracted to what was in anyone’s pants. Turns out, I just don’t experience sexual attraction. I do experience arousal and enjoy sex, it just takes me a different way to get there. I require to be petted and touched nonsexually for a bit before my body decides it’s done feeling weird about being touched and decides it feels good. Sometimes I’m spontaneously aroused and have no idea why, thats when I initiate.
That said, I’ve been with the same guy for 13 years, married for 7, and we are both very satisfied sexually, and it’s only gotten better over the years.
So yes, I’ve never experienced sexual or physical attraction to anyone, but ive got a satisfying sex life and happy marriage.
I’m not sure I could sleep with someone I’m actively repulsed by, though. Repulsion is generally due to personality or just extremely bad oral hygiene.
Yes, but not for very long. I find almost nobody attractive. I’m not sure if I’m actually demisexual and just haven’t met anyone who sparks my interest yet, so I’ve dated a few guys who weren’t attractive. It didn’t work out because one was a weirdo, one was a pig, and one had the conversational skills of an early chatbot.
The funny thing about relationships is how attraction can really change over time. I was definitely attracted to my current girlfriend when we first started dating, but in the last four years since she’s become more beautiful to me nearly every day. She also discovered that I have a type, and she is quite within said type.
Yes. We got married and traveled the world having an amazing time. Man, we had so much fun! She was diagnosed with cancer after our son was born and died a short time later. I still think of those years with so much fondness. I hope she is soaring above the clouds and happy as ever.
Oh yeah. Originally I just thought she was dope as hell. Funny, smart, laid back. Just an all around pleasure to be around. But after awhile her looks slowly started to do it for me. Which is funny cuz she didn’t do anything different appearance wise.
yeah, i’ve been in a relationship where physical attraction wasn’t the main thing. it was more about emotional connection and compatibility — sometimes, the deeper bond makes you overlook physical traits.
I was young, inexperienced, introverted and lonely, so when a girl actually showed me affection for the first time, I latched on to her. I wasn’t attracted to her, nor particularly enamored with her personality, but I thought only shallow men put importance on looks, and an outspoken woman would compliment my passive nature.
When I started to realise I wasn’t happy being with her, I was too spineless to end it, I just went with the flow and subconsciously began to check out of the relationship. Eventually, I was bullied by her and her family into marriage, and 3 months later she was pregnant.
10 years later I was miserable, but promised myself I would stay for the sake of our daughter, but another 10 years down the track I had become numb to my situation and once again, lacked the courage to finally walk away. I talked with friends, family, a councilor, strangers on the internet, and all of them told me to stop being a doormat and leave her. So I did.
Don’t be like me and waste half your life, and someone else’s, by settling. It’s not selfish or shallow to want someone who makes you smile when you see them.
Yes, I was not at all attracted to him for months, but when I got feelings for him I thought he was SO cute. The sex was great and he was there for me during some really dark times. No longer have feelings so I’m back to being unattracted to him, but it was fun while it lasted
Yes. My last boyfriend was a very sweet man who was fun to talk to. However, he was very bad with reaching my standards of grooming. As a larger bearded man, I personally take pride in making my beard and mustache neat, making sure I smell good, and keeping my skin reasonably moisturized and exfoliated. Nothing crazy; no serums, no mani-pedis, no waxing, just standard stuff. My now-ex had the opposite view. He let his beard grow scraggly, his mustache grow over both lips, his skin had dry patches (not related to a medical issue), he had a lot of blackheads, never cleaned behind his ears, and just overall had, in my opinion, poor hygiene. And because of this, I really did not find him to be physically attractive to me once we met in person (we met on Tinder). We lasted 4ish months before I reached the end of my rope. I tried to encourage better habits but it just was too much and he was very stubbornly against it.
Yes. I met someone and we both fell hard for each other. We became exclusive and said I love you before we ever saw each other naked. When I saw her naked her body was repulsive to me. Covered in stretch marks and masses of loose skin. We couldn’t have sex anyway because she had a problem that prevented it, so most of our sex was her giving me blowjobs. That was honestly pretty fun but a lot of times I had trouble getting it up even after she’d been at it for a while. That would get her feeling sad. Eventually I broke it off because even though I loved her the chemistry was just not there.
picture this – a sweet, funny, absolutely adorable man who checks every emotional box—loves my weird obsessions, laughs at my terrible jokes, and remembers my coffee order like it’s sacred scripture. But physically? Let’s just say the chemistry was more like… a polite high-five than a fiery explosion.
why’d I stick around? because attraction is a sneaky little shapeshifter! sometimes it starts with “hmm, not my usual type,” then morphs into “Wait, why is their dorky smile suddenly giving me butterflies?” other times, you realize their heart is so stupidly beautiful that their face starts looking like a renaissance painting by month three.
We would have been better off as friends, but we met on a dating app and they were definitely into me. At the time I would drop everything for anyone that would give me an ounce of attention, lesson learned. They transitioned years later and honestly they look a lot better as a girl!
Yes. It was the first relationship I’d ever had. Nobody had ever expressed interest in me. Initially I enjoyed being desired, but it got really boring because I was not attracted to him whatsoever, and eventually I was utterly repulsed by him. Our entire sex life consisted of him dry-humping my limp body and ejaculating onto my back. He knew I wasn’t attracted to him and I tried to break up with him 4 times but he kept crying like a little bitch so I stayed with him. He is disgusting and vile and I hope he dies.
One of my exes was like this. We went on a blind date after meeting online without swapping pictures. Even though he wasn’t attractive to me when we first met, the conversation was effortless, he was a great listener, he had an amazing sense of humor, and our chemistry was phenomenal. Pretty quickly I stopped noticing things I found unattractive about him, and the things about him that were attractive to me came into sharper focus. When we hooked up after the second date, the sex was fantastic. And that sealed the deal. We were in a relationship for two years before breaking up amicably. Not gonna lie, being with him completely reset/changed/expanded the type of person I am romantically and sexually drawn to.
Comments
Sorta yes. I was very badly lonely, and kinda connected with a girl. I didnt find her super ugly but i wasnt really attracted much either. I admitted it to her which im an idiot for and we eventually broke up, i never called her ugly or anything tho.
Yes, I gave him a chance but I just wasn’t feeling it overall so I let him go gently and that’s when I spiraled. I wasn’t in the right headspace at the time.
Yes. Did not yet feel physical attraction at the time I was with him. Realised I wanted to eventually have a physical relationship but not with him
Yes. I was homeless at the time so I had zero standards
Yea it’s almost every time for me, because for me, I’m attracted to who the person is more than I am their looks. Their looks are just an additional bonus. If I love them, then, I’ll think they’re hot because they’re them.
I bought into that crap that’s shoveled at women to “be nice” and “give him a chance.” I shouldn’t have. A man doesn’t have to be an axe murderer before a woman is permitted to turn him down.
She was interesting to talk to. We worked in the same field. It was fun for a while.
Yes because he was so funny and made me laugh
Currently in a relationship with someone I’m not physically attracted to. He represents safety and comfort and he feels like home. However, our sex life is non-existent.
Yes, for 16 years. I thought I would be left on the shelf otherwise. I was only 23 but felt it was expected of me at the time. I tried but I was unhappy.
Yeah bc I was young and he told everyone we were going out; a kid at a nearby school hung himself bc his gf dumped him. So he tried the same thing with me anytime I tried leaving
I was a gullible idiot.
Yes, because I didn’t know who I was and I didn’t think I was any more attractive than him.
Thought I was being overly picky and that in time I would come to be attracted to him. This happened a few times before I came to realize I was a lesbian.
Yep. Dated happily for a couple of years.
online relationship, I talked myself into physical attraction (don’t want to explain, you should know what I mean)
Yes. Didn’t work out and I’ll never do it again.
Yep. We worked together. He seemed really nice and everyone in our store was rooting for him to get me as a girlfriend. While he was sweet, we had nothing in common with each other and he wasn’t interested in anything I liked, which made me less enthusiastic to participate in his hobbies. He said and did embarrassing things in front of my friends and my family. He had a girlfriend at 14 that had died and he had a lot of baggage from that. Had I loved him, I might have stayed to help him work thru it but I did not and after 2 months I was so sick of him I had to break things off.
Fun fact, at the time he complained to a co worker that I wouldn’t put out… and that co worker and I just celebrated 18 years together 🥳 as he is attractive to me and makes me laugh and doesn’t compare me to a dead teenager every single day.
Yeah. If you pass on the people who shine because of their personality , you’re gonna miss out on a lot of good times.
When your a 13 yr old holding hands and kissing someone who likes you for you is better than a hottie that you know is hoeing around
When I first met my husband, I thought that he was walleyed. Now I think that he’s the handsomest guy on earth. I loved him for being a GOOD guy. Loved his mom, worked hard, good sense of humor, he kept promises. He ws everything that I had never met before. The more I knew him, the more I fell in love with his looks.
Edit: Thank you for the award. That was so nice of you!
My ex wife. We were together for 4 years.
I really like her personality and sense of humor. We started to hang out all the time and she admitted she had feelings for me. I didn’t want things to change and was afraid that if I rejected her she would find someone else or become distant so I gave it a chance. Most advice says that physical attraction can grow and I wouldn’t say it grew, it would say I got used to it and it didn’t bother me anymore. I loved her. She had low self esteem and would become infatuated with any guy who showed her attention because she didn’t view herself as attractive. She ended up cheating on me with a coworker and we broke up.
Yes. We just got along so well- we had the same sense of humor, the same hobbies… he was also a super compassionate and thoughtful soul. An amazing listener. I always felt safe around him. Even though I didn’t find him particularly physically attractive, I loved spending time with him.
Turns out he was gay and not physically attracted to me either hahaha
Yep, and it was very shitty of me. I thought I could compromise with myself, she was an absolutely lovely human being, amazing personality, just everything you could ask for intellectually speaking. I thought that would be enough for me but it wasn’t. I was a very broken person, hadn’t addressed my own issues and carried them from one relationship to the next. I feel tremendous guilt for not being true to myself and wasting her time, time she’ll never get back.
I’ve often thought of writing to her and apologizing but I think that would ultimately be more self serving for me than do anything for her. She didn’t deserve the way I behaved and doesn’t need to have that hurt revisited just so I can feel better.
I do wish her well, I hope that she finds someone that truly appreciates her for all of her qualities in a way I couldn’t.
When I met my current partner, I was not physically attracted to him, but now he means so much to me, I can’t imagine my life without him
Not a relationship, but I had very strong feelings for someone who I never found physically attractive. He was actually 20 years older than me, I guess his maturity was factor. He also had a lot of charm. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so strongly about a person like that before.
Yes. I was in high school and wanted a boyfriend. So I had an ugly boyfriend. I should add that I was also ugly.
Yes. I dated a girl for over a year that I wasn’t actually attracted to because I had a string of bad relationships with hot girls who were toxic and treated me badly. So….when this girl came along and wanted to do anything and everything just to please me, not to mention was incredibly kind and sweet….it was such a breath of fresh air compared to the past relationships. I didn’t marry her, but how she treated me and her personality is what made me attracted to her.
My ex girlfriend. We’d known each other for a long time and had been there for each other through some tough times. Didn’t end up working out.
Not a serious relationship but dated a few. One was for convenience and the other I was a little attracted to but not fully. With him he treated me really well and showed me a good time.
Married 6 years. But for the last few I’ve realised I have no interest in sex with her. I feel my sexuality has changed. But our lives are so intertwined if we separated it’d destroy both of our lives 😕
Yes I was. But I stopped being attracted to her because she turned out to be a really ugly person on the inside.. kinda killed it for me
Yes i wanted to be loved so bad. And he was very sweet and loving. Untill he turned out to be a drugaddicted and asshole who sometimes could be a bit aggressive. Went looking for love elsewhere. We where together for almost a year. It was 15years ago and he still messages me because he misses me 🫣
I was told “he’s a nice guy, just give him a chance” so much when I was young, and saying I didn’t find him attractive would get so much hate (I swear people would pull out fucking charts — “you claim to not be attracted to Joe F. and yet you dated both Chris S. and George H.; Joe is at least as attractive as Chris and more attractive than George. You can’t say you’re not attracted to him if you were attracted to them!” and then they’d go on to point out that I was no great prize myself and should be less stuck up. As if finding someone attractive is a question of ego.
So, I’d give in, and date these guys, because I didn’t want to be labeled a bad person who only cared about looks.
This was a long, long time ago. The idea that women could have preferences same as men wasn’t really a thing yet.
Use to because I believed I couldn’t do any better but those relationships were horrible
Yes, because he was truly my best friend. I thought because of that I’d be able to “work up” to be attracted to him, but unfortunately the opposite happened and we both grew distrusting and grossed out by each other over time.
bc he treated me well, at first it was hard bc u imagine, I didn’t feel that physical attraction but he literally love bombed me so I fell in love lol. When you’re in love you start to like every little thing, and you even find other things to kinda compensate, at the start it was hard when he sent me pictures of his face lmao but when you are actually in love It becomes insignificant, you like many other things about the person. Ppl are so much more than their physique anyway.
Yes, my wife. We are not physically attracted to one another, but we are deeply mentally in love. Our bond is not something I would give for any amount of sex.
I can’t tell you how many people have told me over the years I can’t “really be in love” with someone if I’m not physically attracted to them. Sorry, I don’t have to fuck someone to be deeply, madly in love with them.
Before you ask, neither of us are ACE, and we do maintain a sexual element to our relationship. Our relationship is not open, and we are exclusive to one another.
Sorry if that came across as defensive, but I’ve had to defend my love for many, many years now.
Definitely. Assuming you mean a romantic relationship, I had a policy of giving everyone a shot if they had legitimate interest. Also, physical attraction is somewhat secondary to me. Don’t smell bad, though. That, consistently, is a deal breaker 💩
I don’t experience physical attraction until I’m fully in love with someone. And once I’ve fallen in love with their personality, everything about them is attractive. So I guess the answer is kinda, but only at the beginning.
Yes. Loved her. Didn’t matter. Being a demisexual and sapiosexual helps greatly.
Honestly sometimes I think I’m broken. I’ve only been genuinely attracted to people a few times in my life so I’m usually single but when you’re aware that it takes something rly specific to get ur motor running u also have to realise that the people that are going to make you feel that way are maybe going to come around a hand full of times in one lifetime.
Basically because I think my standards are unrealistic and I shouldn’t be turning people away just because I don’t instantly want to jump their bones although I’ll be honest it doesn’t feel good to constantly feel like you want more despite the other persons best efforts so I’ve been celibate for years now. It is what it is🤷🏼♀️
I’m demiromantic. I’ve only had 1 girlfriend, and during the relationship, I never had that flicker of feeling in my chest. We ended on good terms and were gonna try in a year.
Yes, I felt a little attraction in the beginning but she wasn’t my type however I thought if we knew each other better maybe it could work, spoiler, it didn’t. Beyond the physical, she was toxic, very possessive and full of many problems product of her low self-esteem, we last a year but it was a horrible relationship that costed me a lot to finish and overcome. Of course all the bad things were about personality and not the physical, however I never find her attractive in any way
No. I don’t need a super model, but someone I genuinely find attractive.
honestly? yes, most recent ex
it was more so personality, she was weird as fuck and it was great
They were perfect in every other way. The sex was great, they just weren’t very attractive. Lasted about a decade, split because I realized I didn’t want children.
My first marriage. I was too afraid of hurting her feelings by just breaking up with her so I just stayed and we got married. Then it didn’t work out and we divorced. So if any of you youngsters are reading this heed my warning. Don’t stay with someone just because you don’t want to hurt feelings.
I grew attracted as I fell in love. I knew he was gonna ask me out and even asked for advice on how to turn him down without screwing with our friendship. When I went to say no thank you, a yes fell out. Figured fate required him to be part of my path temporarily. I was wrong about it being temporary. We fell in love and moved in together within 2 months. Together 14yrs now.
I wouldn’t do it because I think people deserve to be with someone that genuinely wants them.
And I wouldn’t want to be with a guy that’s not attracted to me.
Yes, because I thought I was supposed to/it was expected/I’d grow into finding him attractive. He was my first serious partner. It didn’t work out for a variety of reasons, that was just one of them.
Yes. He is a good person. Kind, gentle, treated me like gold. The only man who consistently brought me breakfast/coffee in bed.
Of course
Now, I’m ace, so my case is a little different. I don’t experience physical attraction, period. It essentially made me really flexible in regards to what “husband material” was for me, since I mentally extended a shot to some people that weren’t necessarily conventionally attractive but who I had chemistry with. I 100% operated on the “friends first” system though.
Yes, very often. I get used to the person and the person will automatically become attractive. Physical attractiveness will fade anyway. The personality will stay most of the time.
The physical attraction to my man took a minute for sure, it’s not always about looks. He ACTUALLY wants to hangout with me, loves being outside. Our sex life is killer, he is kind, patient, emotionally mature, makes me laugh and all around a good dude. I think he’s the hottest guy out there hehe
Yeah my ex who was in IT. 🤢 Kinda felt sorry for him at first because he was sweet and seemed really nice and I was really only interested because we both liked a couple of the same things. I was so wrong. He was a full blown narc with BPD, as ugly inside as he is on the outside.
‘Physical Attraction’ is an illusion. It’s a collection of personal biases that has nothing to do with the person you are looking at. What ‘beautify is in the eye of the beholder’ means is that your competency at finding beauty in another is what determines attraction. Not that persons appearance.
When you marry someone, and live up to your vows, you are bound to a person who will get older, fatter, and sicker every day for the rest of your life. How is that supposed to work? It’s not magic. Its investment. Old married people who have sustained their love and tended their marriage always say their spouse is the most beautiful in the world. Are they lying?
No. They have spent time searching, exploring, and finding beauty in their person that no one else will ever know. That no one else is qualified to know. They have an artists eye for one particular muse that no one could ever match.
If you are in a relationship with someone you are not ‘physically attracted’ to, you are doing something wrong. You are failing at love in some fundamental way, and it makes me feel sorry for them. Someone else could love them better, and they do deserve better.
Yes. I was young and he was nice. 3 years. Looking back now I have no idea what I was thinking 🤦♀️ my husband is physically my type and it’s so much better. I often catch myself just checking him out and always want to rip his pants off.
I wasn’t attracted to my current bf at all when we first started dating. The only reason why I gave it a shot was because we were really really good friends.
2 years in, I think he’s the hottest guy I’ve been with and I’m madly in love.
Would never, could never. Sexual/physical chemistry is of top tier importance to me.
hell naw
I was attracted to my ex but I’m willing to bet she wasn’t attracted to me!
Yes.
I’m asexual
my last ex was when i was a senior in high school. he was a few months younger than me, but was already balding. he also never took care of himself. i thought he was sweet tho, he gave me attention i didn’t know i wanted.
he also cheated so there’s that.
Yes. I’m not very attractive, so my choices are limited.
Yup. He seemed nice enough at the time and I told myself that maybe I’d end up attracted to him as we got to know each other. Everybody told me how much of a great guy he was. He wasn’t. He was an abusive alcoholic that I wasted so much time on because he threatened to commit suicide every time we argued about anything. It was one of the lowest points in my life, however it definitely taught me to not put up with that kind of abuse again.
Other way around– I was in a relationship with a girl for 4 years who it turned out never found me attractive.
Yes. Absolutely. When I met my wife I wasn’t attracted to her right away. This is completely normal and happens a lot more than people talk about.
My first true long term relationship. I was in a really bad depression and pretty much all of my friends were in lasting relationships while I hadn’t so much as been on a date in a couple years. This girl at college starts giving me a ton of attention and I genuinely was having a good time with her whenever we hung out, but I didn’t find her attractive at all. Still just the feeling of finally having someone care about me just overrode that. It didn’t take long to see I was just afraid of being lonely. After a while I wasn’t enjoying my time with her, I didn’t like the way she was treating me, we got it a lot of arguments and the whole thing lasted way longer than it should’ve because I was terrified of being alone again.
Thankfully that’s way in the past and I got myself some help and I’m now happily married to the love of my life with our first child on the way.
When I was 18 I had a moment of madness. For no reason that I really know of, I decided to tell one of my friends that I thought her friend was cute. I did not. At all. I don’t know what the fuck gripped me and made it come out of my mouth. But as I spent time with him I fell in love with him. I don’t think I ever looked at his face and was like, “my god he’s hot” but I did start to want his hands on me and I was madly attracted to his forearms. It ended up being my first stable relationship after years of being off and on with the first guy I ever dated. I was devastated when we broke up. Even to this day when I come across a picture that’s been tucked away somewhere and forgotten for years I don’t see anything in his face I find attractive. But those arms. I would totally fuck those forearms still.
🙋♀️🤫 , but the D was really good and he has all the qualities I was looking for. Kindness, knowledge, survival skills, listener. 4 kids later and we have ahd our troubles but I love him.
Yes—I thought he had a great personality and I became physically attracted to him. He ended up being a cheater.
Yeah for so embarrassingly long I’m not even gonna say. I had zero self esteem and thought he was kinda cute in the face. Then he lost all his hair and was already fat and got a lot of fatter. His head looked like an egg on top of a bigger egg. I was lonely and truly hated myself and felt I deserved nothing good. I got a lot of bullshit to recover from. But I found a man who is wonderful and sweet and VERY hot. It’s hard to reconcile how I feel about myself with being with such a hottie who is always super nice to me??? It’s so awesome being with him, but my anxiety spikes like crazy sometimes because I feel like I don’t deserve him.
I (F57) need to be attracted to the man’s looks, & then I need to know he is attracted to my looks. That’s why OLD isn’t working for me. The men it’s showing me all have so many of my deal breakers in terms of physical looks. I’ll chat with anyone, but if there’s no way I can envision being naked (or desire being naked) with them then I see no reason to go further. Personality is not enough for me
Yes i have. He was nice and caring. I left him due to him mot being my first choice. He didnt deserve me doing that to him. Leaving him as second
No. Because I’ve never been in a relationship.
No, but my ex girlfriend was, apparently.
Yes dated a cross eyed chick in college that was as big as a whale & Very Ogre looking But her head game was 10/10 so we made it work she could suck a bowling ball through a straw! You know lol well fast forward 12 years & WE ARE MARRIED!!!
I was with a stud before my wife. She would secretly get dressed up for me. When she did she looked great but when she was dressed more manly I wasn’t attracted to her at all. Besides my wife the best lay and 2nd best soul I’ve ever known behind my wife. Amanda hope you are doing well.
My longest relationship, ironically. I just REALLY liked him as a person and I thought I would grow more attracted in time. In retrospect, I was beginning to realize I was trans even if I didn’t really understand it, and he felt like a life preserver for me to make myself be “normal” (cis and straight). But I had always been very much attracted to women my whole life, and spent basically my whole life until that point identifying as lesbian. I guess I thought if I could be happy with him I could ignore everything else – and for a while it kind of worked.
We had a couple rough years after the breakup but now he is one of my best friends. Even came to visit me in the hospital while I was recovering from bottom surgery. I am happily single and he’s dating a really incredible woman so I guess it all worked out ok in the end
I wasn’t my wife’s type, she loved chocolate so asian wasn’t her preference.
But apparently I was her comedic type to the point she loved being around me all the time, then she started picking up on my other traits. Like how I was with kids, my approach and ambition to life so all the pieces fell together.
Problem is now she drools over kdramas or most of the male actors in Crazy Rich Asians.
I’m asexual but didn’t really figure it out til recently. Up til then I identified as pan, because to me I was never attracted to what was in anyone’s pants. Turns out, I just don’t experience sexual attraction. I do experience arousal and enjoy sex, it just takes me a different way to get there. I require to be petted and touched nonsexually for a bit before my body decides it’s done feeling weird about being touched and decides it feels good. Sometimes I’m spontaneously aroused and have no idea why, thats when I initiate.
That said, I’ve been with the same guy for 13 years, married for 7, and we are both very satisfied sexually, and it’s only gotten better over the years.
So yes, I’ve never experienced sexual or physical attraction to anyone, but ive got a satisfying sex life and happy marriage.
I’m not sure I could sleep with someone I’m actively repulsed by, though. Repulsion is generally due to personality or just extremely bad oral hygiene.
All of my relationships have been like that because I’m asexual.
Yes, but not for very long. I find almost nobody attractive. I’m not sure if I’m actually demisexual and just haven’t met anyone who sparks my interest yet, so I’ve dated a few guys who weren’t attractive. It didn’t work out because one was a weirdo, one was a pig, and one had the conversational skills of an early chatbot.
The funny thing about relationships is how attraction can really change over time. I was definitely attracted to my current girlfriend when we first started dating, but in the last four years since she’s become more beautiful to me nearly every day. She also discovered that I have a type, and she is quite within said type.
Yes. We got married and traveled the world having an amazing time. Man, we had so much fun! She was diagnosed with cancer after our son was born and died a short time later. I still think of those years with so much fondness. I hope she is soaring above the clouds and happy as ever.
Oh yeah. Originally I just thought she was dope as hell. Funny, smart, laid back. Just an all around pleasure to be around. But after awhile her looks slowly started to do it for me. Which is funny cuz she didn’t do anything different appearance wise.
yeah, i’ve been in a relationship where physical attraction wasn’t the main thing. it was more about emotional connection and compatibility — sometimes, the deeper bond makes you overlook physical traits.
I was young, inexperienced, introverted and lonely, so when a girl actually showed me affection for the first time, I latched on to her. I wasn’t attracted to her, nor particularly enamored with her personality, but I thought only shallow men put importance on looks, and an outspoken woman would compliment my passive nature.
When I started to realise I wasn’t happy being with her, I was too spineless to end it, I just went with the flow and subconsciously began to check out of the relationship. Eventually, I was bullied by her and her family into marriage, and 3 months later she was pregnant.
10 years later I was miserable, but promised myself I would stay for the sake of our daughter, but another 10 years down the track I had become numb to my situation and once again, lacked the courage to finally walk away. I talked with friends, family, a councilor, strangers on the internet, and all of them told me to stop being a doormat and leave her. So I did.
Don’t be like me and waste half your life, and someone else’s, by settling. It’s not selfish or shallow to want someone who makes you smile when you see them.
Yes, I was not at all attracted to him for months, but when I got feelings for him I thought he was SO cute. The sex was great and he was there for me during some really dark times. No longer have feelings so I’m back to being unattracted to him, but it was fun while it lasted
Sure, I’ve been single. That mirror is a burden.
I’m the physically unattractive person. Short, fat, bad acne, poorly dressed.
My wife is very beautiful. Like VERY – I can get double takes from people without makeup – beautiful.
People, sometimes to my face, ask me what she sees in me. Honestly I don’t know but I’m not going to waste time thinking about it.
Yes. My last boyfriend was a very sweet man who was fun to talk to. However, he was very bad with reaching my standards of grooming. As a larger bearded man, I personally take pride in making my beard and mustache neat, making sure I smell good, and keeping my skin reasonably moisturized and exfoliated. Nothing crazy; no serums, no mani-pedis, no waxing, just standard stuff. My now-ex had the opposite view. He let his beard grow scraggly, his mustache grow over both lips, his skin had dry patches (not related to a medical issue), he had a lot of blackheads, never cleaned behind his ears, and just overall had, in my opinion, poor hygiene. And because of this, I really did not find him to be physically attractive to me once we met in person (we met on Tinder). We lasted 4ish months before I reached the end of my rope. I tried to encourage better habits but it just was too much and he was very stubbornly against it.
Yes. I met someone and we both fell hard for each other. We became exclusive and said I love you before we ever saw each other naked. When I saw her naked her body was repulsive to me. Covered in stretch marks and masses of loose skin. We couldn’t have sex anyway because she had a problem that prevented it, so most of our sex was her giving me blowjobs. That was honestly pretty fun but a lot of times I had trouble getting it up even after she’d been at it for a while. That would get her feeling sad. Eventually I broke it off because even though I loved her the chemistry was just not there.
picture this – a sweet, funny, absolutely adorable man who checks every emotional box—loves my weird obsessions, laughs at my terrible jokes, and remembers my coffee order like it’s sacred scripture. But physically? Let’s just say the chemistry was more like… a polite high-five than a fiery explosion.
why’d I stick around? because attraction is a sneaky little shapeshifter! sometimes it starts with “hmm, not my usual type,” then morphs into “Wait, why is their dorky smile suddenly giving me butterflies?” other times, you realize their heart is so stupidly beautiful that their face starts looking like a renaissance painting by month three.
We would have been better off as friends, but we met on a dating app and they were definitely into me. At the time I would drop everything for anyone that would give me an ounce of attention, lesson learned. They transitioned years later and honestly they look a lot better as a girl!
Yes. It was the first relationship I’d ever had. Nobody had ever expressed interest in me. Initially I enjoyed being desired, but it got really boring because I was not attracted to him whatsoever, and eventually I was utterly repulsed by him. Our entire sex life consisted of him dry-humping my limp body and ejaculating onto my back. He knew I wasn’t attracted to him and I tried to break up with him 4 times but he kept crying like a little bitch so I stayed with him. He is disgusting and vile and I hope he dies.
Yes, I need to be emotionally connected with someone, looks truly don’t matter.
One of my exes was like this. We went on a blind date after meeting online without swapping pictures. Even though he wasn’t attractive to me when we first met, the conversation was effortless, he was a great listener, he had an amazing sense of humor, and our chemistry was phenomenal. Pretty quickly I stopped noticing things I found unattractive about him, and the things about him that were attractive to me came into sharper focus. When we hooked up after the second date, the sex was fantastic. And that sealed the deal. We were in a relationship for two years before breaking up amicably. Not gonna lie, being with him completely reset/changed/expanded the type of person I am romantically and sexually drawn to.
Yes. Didn’t realize I was a lesbian yet and thought not being physically attracted to your boyfriend was normal..