I’ve often heard the saying, “Keep it private until it’s permanent.” But what’s the guarantee that a private relationship won’t end in a breakup too?
Have you ever experienced a relationship that was private, yet still ended in a breakup?
r/ask
I’ve often heard the saying, “Keep it private until it’s permanent.” But what’s the guarantee that a private relationship won’t end in a breakup too?
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There isn’t 1
The thing here is: what makes a relationship permanent? In most cases, you don’t see people keeping it private or secret until they’re married, and even then, marriage is not permanent–while plenty of people do remain married to their partner, many also get divorced.
So, since most relationships do come out and/or are revealed prior to marriage or even a proposal, what makes it permanent? Where do you draw that line between when a relationship should remain private, or when it should become public and known?
That all said, to answer your final question of “what’s the guarantee that a private relationship won’t end in a breakup too?”: there is none. There is absolutely no guarantee. In the same sense that a permanent relationship can still result in a breakup, a private relationship can too. And if you don’t know where you are drawing the line between permanent and not, then how do you know that the dissolution of that relationship while it’s private is even a breakup?
For example, if it’s just “hookups” for now, would you consider it a breakup if you stop sleeping together? If it’s still just dates, but you aren’t “a couple” yet, do you consider it a breakup when you decide to stop going on dates together? Personally, I don’t consider it a breakup until I am in an actual partnership with that person, but that is what I would consider the “permanency” line.
A lot of it comes down to personal perception of how you regard relationships, and a lot of these answers will vary as we all have different points of view.
I have never heard the saying and don’t understand it. Are you saying a relationship should be a secret until you are married?
Nope, OP. I haven’t. I kept one relationship very private but it was just it, just to be private so we could do whatever we wanted. No nuisance. No people talking about us and what we want to do. There was no goal or intent of making it last. But it existed in private for pure fun.
It ended quietly. Nobody was hurt. But at some point (well, on my part), I kinda miss everything.
The only secret ones are affairs and rarely become permanent