I’m a 23F seeing a 29M. We’ve only known each other a little over two weeks, but we’ve already been on 5+ dates. He took me shopping and let me get whatever I wanted, and every time he goes to the store, he brings me something back. He even prepped his apartment with tons of feminine products for when I come over — things I didn’t even ask for. When I mentioned I’m a full-time college student, he gave me $1,000 and offered to add me to his phone plan. He’s been generous, emotionally open, affectionate, and consistent — the effort is definitely there.
We had sex once successfully (after our third date), but the last two times we tried, he couldn’t get hard. The first time he blamed alcohol, and the second time he said it was anxiety and overthinking — that he wanted to impress me. He also mentioned that the first time worked because it was spontaneous.
I’ve dealt with love bombing in the past, so I’m trying to be mindful. A part of me wonders if he sees me as out of his league and is psyching himself out. I genuinely think he likes me, and I’m willing to be patient because I do like him too. I just don’t want to confuse effort with emotional overwhelm or miss a red flag.
Guys — have you ever been in his shoes? What helped you get past that mental block? And from the outside looking in, does this sound like something that could work itself out with time, or something I should be wary of?
Comments
The generosity this fast feels a little performative, keep your eyes open. If he’s anxious, that’s human, but love bombing and ED can both be signs he’s putting you on a pedestal instead of connecting for real.
So many red flags
No red flags, he is just really into you. Give it time and it will get awesome. I know from experience, I thought she was way out of my league. 37 years later and still awesome. I’m not saying that there weren’t problems, but not many. You got this. Good luck 👍
This has happened to me! And recently. I cared SO MUCH for the woman and wanted SO MUCH to impress her, I got myself psyched out and had recurring performance anxiety. I talked to her about it. She understood and was very patient and loving, so we worked through it together.
I know you are after opinions from guys but I’ve always thought it’s about the communication. It took me a few years to become a very vocal, communicative lover but it was my mid 20’s and my sex life improved drastically. I would never fake an orgasm now for example, it doesn’t do anyone any favours. From what you have said he sounds like a nice guy that is very much into you. Perhaps he is just apprehensive because he doesn’t want to disappoint you. I think the best way to deal with someone like that is to continue to be patient, relax him and tell him what you like/what feels good. But always in a positive non-serious way. Almost… direct him. It takes some people time to feel comfortable with someone in bed, it might or might not be more indicative of deeper issues but it’s great that you are being patient.
Those feminine products aren’t just for you
Why do you feel you’re out of his league?
Oh course who wouldn’t