A lot of my friends are passive people, who say “We should hang out, I never see you!” I respond, “Okay, what do you want to do?” And then they say, “I don’t know…what do you want?” And it goes around and around, until I give up and plan an event for us — I research times, make the reservations, buy the tickets, arrange parking. And then they’ll say, “I’m glad we planned this!” Okay, except I planned it. You did nothing.
My ex-husband was like this. He was big on vacations and when he wasn’t on vacation, he wanted to spend all our free time talking about and planning the next vacation. But his idea of planning was handing me my laptop then saying “Where do you want to go? What do you want to do?” until I came up with a destination and itinerary, and then of course made all the appropriate reservations.
Whenever I ask people who do this why they do it, they say, “Well I just want to make sure we’re doing something you’ll enjoy!” And maybe they actually believe that, but in reality, they’re just bottoming me into planning events for them.
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Is this unpopular
I mean yes but they were the ones who asked you to hang out which matters, a lot of friends never do.
Relationships work best when one person is the planner, and the other person just goes with the flow and doesn’t complain. The dynamic falls apart when the non planner starts complaining and talking about what they really wanted to do, or if the planner starts getting mad at the non planner for not planning.
You can’t have two planners, because then you’ll just fight the whole time, and you can’t have two non planners, because then you’ll never go anywhere.
So I have a friend who likes to suggest everyone gets together and do something and harass them until they agree, and then bugs them constantly to plan the thing, which then happens very slowly or not at all so she gets annoyed. The thing is most of us aren’t bothered or are happy to plan very loosely. So if she wants a plan she needs to accept that the rest of us aren’t going to be arsed to make one happen.
In your situation that is much more annoying, I’m not sure if it’s unpopular but people who suggest things should then plan them too, even if it’s a loose and simple plan!
Oh man, you are preaching to the choir! I’ve generally been the organizer among certain friends. Just the other week my one buddy was like “we should do a guys weekend this summer”, and we got a bunch of affirmatives in the group chat… since then, crickets. And I know the only way it’s gonna happen is if I do the leg work, but this one’s on them, lol