I’m a new mom, 32F, trying to process the end of a nearly 5-year relationship that now feels like it may have never been real. My (now ex) husband, 33M, and I met on a South Asian dating app in 2020. It was long-distance at first, but we fell deeply in love. He visited often, lived with my family, and we got married in both a courthouse and a traditional wedding. I sponsored his U.S. immigration — we even bought a house, traveled the world, and had a child together.
But over time, cracks formed. His parents never accepted me. He didn’t help around the house. When I got pregnant, he and his family were visibly disappointed. After our son was born, things got worse. I had a traumatic labor and went back to work after just 6 weeks while he was unemployed. His father sent a nasty, defamatory email attacking me and my family — and my husband knew. I left the house for a few days to get space, and during that time, my husband changed the locks without telling me.
I was ready to walk away and revoke my sponsorship. Then he begged me to stay. Said he’d cut ties with his parents. Said he’d do anything for our son. I believed him — because I wanted our son to have a family.
A few months later, after we traveled to India and things felt relatively fine, he got his Green Card. Within weeks, he said we were “incompatible,” refused counseling, and filed for divorce with zero warning.
Now I’m sitting with this crushing grief, wondering:
- Was I used for immigration?
- How do I explain this to my son one day?
- Why wasn’t I enough — even after giving him everything?
- Will I ever feel safe with someone again?
- How do I stop missing the version of him that I thought was real?
I’m trying to find my way back to myself — but I feel discarded, invisible, and like I failed. I don’t even know how to begin healing. How do you come back from something like this?
Any advice, perspective, or just stories from others who have rebuilt would really help.
Comments
Was I used for immigration?
YES. He played the long game and got what he wanted. Scum bag.
How do I explain this to my son one day?
I’m not sure, but he’s always deserving of love.
Why wasn’t I enough — even after giving him everything?
I’m sure you are. Time will heal the wounds. Eventually you’ll find someone that’ll love you for who you are.
Will I ever feel safe with someone again?
Possibly. Take your time.
How do I stop missing the version of him that I thought was real?
Come to the realization that he’s not coming back. He showed his true colors. Cut your loses and get help with other family and friends.
File for child support, do everything in your power and within the law to protect you and your son.
The short answer to your questions are
1 – Yes you were
2 – By the time they are old enough to have the conversation seriously the answer won’t matter.
3 – You weren’t the problem.
4 – Yes you will
5 – You focus on yourself and be the best version of yourself you can be for your son.
Yeah you were used big time. Now that the US is cracking down on illegal immigration, this is going to explode. Hot chicks will mark incels and such and it will be easy. Green card / divorce / bring real husband over and massive extended families
In some cases a green card can be revoked. I think his would be revoked on the grounds of fraud. I would report it and move on. You have enough proof that this exactly what your marriage was to him. Be grateful this is what he chose to do because I can only imagine how they would have treated your son if he chose to stay instead. Im sorry you’re going through this. Wishing you and your son the best.
I am sorry this happened to you, he doesn’t deserve your thoughts, please seek help and try to heal so can be happy someday
This will sound bad, but there are a lot scam artist like him around. It nothing you did wrong, do not blame yourself
He apparently lied on his forms to the United States government for his green card. If you can prove this, you can have that green card revoked.
That’s how you get your groove back and stand up for what is right. He lied. Let him know what a lie costs.