First time posting, but I’ve been lurking here for years and I guess now it’s my turn.
I (32F) have been with my boyfriend Mason (33M) for nearly 13 years. We met the summer after high school just two kids at a music festival, drenched in sweat and possibility. We lived in different states for college and ended up doing the long-distance thing for a whopping 8 years. We made it through graduation, first jobs, apartment moves, and all the growing pains that distance throws at you. Five years ago, I finally moved in with him on a small piece of land his parents helped us buy.
It’s been great, honestly. We’re not married, but not because of a lack of love. I’ve had a lot of fear around commitment, mostly because I watched my parents’ marriage implode when I was in college dad had an affair, mom had a breakdown, and I had a front-row seat to it all. But despite that, Mason and I have been talking more about marriage lately. Kids, even. I finally felt like I could picture it. A future. Us.
Last week, we were watching some random show in bed one of those relationship dramas and the characters started talking about cheating. Whether it’s better to know or stay blissfully ignorant. Mason made some joke about “that’s why I don’t keep secrets,” and I laughed. I turned to him and asked, “Have you ever thought I cheated on you during our long distance years?”
He smiled, pulled me in close, and said, “No. You love me too much.”
Sweet, right?
Except the moment he said it, I felt something shift. His body tensed. His heart was racing. I made a comment about it and he laughed it off but it wasn’t his real laugh. Something was off.
I kept pressing gently, and he got quiet. He said he didn’t want to “start something” and lose what we had. That set off a bigger alarm in my gut.
Long story short, after nearly an hour of emotional back-and-forth, he admitted it: ten years ago, while we were long distance, he slept with someone else. Once. He said they had been texting a bit, met through a mutual friend, and one night after drinks, it just happened. He said he left right after, never saw her again, and that it haunted him for years.
He cried. I cried. I don’t even remember half of what I said.
The part that hit hardest wasn’t even the act it was that I asked him, years ago, about that girl. I’d seen a message pop up on his phone, and I remember the pit in my stomach. He said it was nothing. That she was just a coworker. I believed him. Or made myself believe him.
And now here we were.
I almost left that night. I grabbed a hoodie, stepped outside with our dog, and just sat on the porch for what felt like hours.
But then came the twist I wasn’t expecting.
When I came back in, still shaking, he handed me a letter. It wasn’t an apology written in the moment. It was old. Folded. Worn. The date on the top was from eight years ago.
“I wrote it after it happened,” he said. “I never sent it. I was too scared.”
It was a confession. Raw. Painful. He wrote about how he hated himself, how he didn’t deserve me, how he was going to break up with me but couldn’t bring himself to let me go. He said I was the best thing that had ever happened to him, and that even if we made it, he’d live with the regret forever.
I didn’t know what to do with that. Still don’t, really. But it changed something in me. It didn’t erase the pain. But it reminded me who we’ve been. Who we are now.
We talked until sunrise.
It’s been a few days since. I haven’t left. We’re sleeping in the same bed, but mostly just holding each other in silence. I still feel betrayed. But I also see a man who’s grown. Who messed up a decade ago and has lived with the weight of that silence.
He didn’t tell me because he thought I couldn’t handle it. But I think he finally told me because he couldn’t anymore.
We’re going to try therapy. I don’t know if we’ll make it. But I know I want to try.
Love is messy. Long love is messier. But sometimes, the truth even the ugly kind grows roots.
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Backup of the post’s body: First time posting, but I’ve been lurking here for years and I guess now it’s my turn.
I (32F) have been with my boyfriend Mason (33M) for nearly 13 years. We met the summer after high school just two kids at a music festival, drenched in sweat and possibility. We lived in different states for college and ended up doing the long-distance thing for a whopping 8 years. We made it through graduation, first jobs, apartment moves, and all the growing pains that distance throws at you. Five years ago, I finally moved in with him on a small piece of land his parents helped us buy.
It’s been great, honestly. We’re not married, but not because of a lack of love. I’ve had a lot of fear around commitment, mostly because I watched my parents’ marriage implode when I was in college dad had an affair, mom had a breakdown, and I had a front-row seat to it all. But despite that, Mason and I have been talking more about marriage lately. Kids, even. I finally felt like I could picture it. A future. Us.
Last week, we were watching some random show in bed one of those relationship dramas and the characters started talking about cheating. Whether it’s better to know or stay blissfully ignorant. Mason made some joke about “that’s why I don’t keep secrets,” and I laughed. I turned to him and asked, “Have you ever thought I cheated on you during our long distance years?”
He smiled, pulled me in close, and said, “No. You love me too much.”
Sweet, right?
Except the moment he said it, I felt something shift. His body tensed. His heart was racing. I made a comment about it and he laughed it off but it wasn’t his real laugh. Something was off.
I kept pressing gently, and he got quiet. He said he didn’t want to “start something” and lose what we had. That set off a bigger alarm in my gut.
Long story short, after nearly an hour of emotional back-and-forth, he admitted it: ten years ago, while we were long distance, he slept with someone else. Once. He said they had been texting a bit, met through a mutual friend, and one night after drinks, it just happened. He said he left right after, never saw her again, and that it haunted him for years.
He cried. I cried. I don’t even remember half of what I said.
The part that hit hardest wasn’t even the act it was that I asked him, years ago, about that girl. I’d seen a message pop up on his phone, and I remember the pit in my stomach. He said it was nothing. That she was just a coworker. I believed him. Or made myself believe him.
And now here we were.
I almost left that night. I grabbed a hoodie, stepped outside with our dog, and just sat on the porch for what felt like hours.
But then came the twist I wasn’t expecting.
When I came back in, still shaking, he handed me a letter. It wasn’t an apology written in the moment. It was old. Folded. Worn. The date on the top was from eight years ago.
“I wrote it after it happened,” he said. “I never sent it. I was too scared.”
It was a confession. Raw. Painful. He wrote about how he hated himself, how he didn’t deserve me, how he was going to break up with me but couldn’t bring himself to let me go. He said I was the best thing that had ever happened to him, and that even if we made it, he’d live with the regret forever.
I didn’t know what to do with that. Still don’t, really. But it changed something in me. It didn’t erase the pain. But it reminded me who we’ve been. Who we are now.
We talked until sunrise.
It’s been a few days since. I haven’t left. We’re sleeping in the same bed, but mostly just holding each other in silence. I still feel betrayed. But I also see a man who’s grown. Who messed up a decade ago and has lived with the weight of that silence.
He didn’t tell me because he thought I couldn’t handle it. But I think he finally told me because he couldn’t anymore.
We’re going to try therapy. I don’t know if we’ll make it. But I know I want to try.
Love is messy. Long love is messier. But sometimes, the truth even the ugly kind grows roots.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
“Carrying that secret for ten years, and still choosing you—shows how much he values your relationship. It doesn’t erase the hurt, but his honesty now gives you both a real shot at healing. Therapy is a great first step, wishing you strength and clarity as you rebuild together. ❤️🌱
That is so hard. There’s no “right” thing to do here – only choices and outcomes (consequences feels like too harsh a word for you but for your boyfriend there are definitely consequences).
Fingers and toes crossed you guys make it.
He “messed up once” or he continuously lied to you for an entire decade? That is a choice he made every single day. “It just happened” nah he went and sought out someone else. He put effort into talking to someone and went out of his way to cheat on you. It doesn’t make the betrayal any smaller that it was a long time ago. Do what is best for you. But don’t try to minimize it and let yourself feel the weight of it in order to really understand what to do.
Personally, that’s not something I’d ever get over, but that’s just me
He lied to you for 10 years. If this is the kind of partner that you want then continue pretending.
I think lots of counseling is needed but this is something that can be worked through. For him, this was years ago and he’s been able to deal with it. For you, it happens days ago. It doesn’t make it okay, but you are allowed the time to grieve the relationship you thought you had. No matter what, this will forever make you see him in a different light.
Does he still have those messages from years ago? Are you able to see them?
ETA wait, your dates aren’t adding up. You said is it was 10 years ago when you were long distance. But the letter was from 8 years ago after it happened. Are you sure he’s telling the truth?
I have the feeling I read this post before.
How do you know it was only once?
For him it was 10 years ago. For you it was yesterday.
He took the chance from you to make an informed decision.
This brought me to tears! It’s been tearing him up inside for years . I hope you two make it .. ❤️❤️
There’s something about reddit posts that are written like someone’s creative writing project that makes them impossible to read or believe.
This reads like AI.
“Drenched in sweat and possibility.”
Lmao. Okay.
This is tricky. I think therapy is the right choice. I myself did long distance throughout college with my bf and even though we graduated 2 years ago I can confidently say that we both grew and changed throughout college. I am sure your partner is changed person since that happened but he did hide it from you. It’s going to be so hard to forgive him but hopefully with some guidance you can get through this. He better be kissing the floor you walk on rn
I think the context of where you come from is what makes this so much more difficult for you. I’m really sorry. Please be okay and do the choice that you know in your gut is right.
We all do not so smart things at 23, I understand all the comments about him holding this in for all these years. He’s grown since then and knows he is risking the love of his life for coming clean.
AI for sure
You see this as one mistake he made. But he woke and kept it from you every day for 10 years. That is a conscious decision he made. Meaning he thought about that night every day and still didn’t think you deserved to know. He did not tell you to clear the air so you two could grow from this. He was sick of living with it alone because he knew it was wrong the whole time and he wants it to go away. He only told you because he didn’t think you’d leave. “You love me too much” he says. Understand that this is completely your decision and power to y’all if you guys can make it out of this. But please consider that he might just be manipulating you. People that lie to you for that long can seem VERY genuine when they are not.
the fucking bots are taking over THT
sigh this is just another AI-written, karma-farming shitpost guys.
Ugh I don’t believe this story at all
This may have been 10 years ago, but for you it just happened. Feel your feelings. So sorry OP, I can’t even imagine learning this after so long.
I used to say once a cheater always a cheater. But by reading this I believe he has a good heart. Maybe off topic, but yesterday I watched Sex and the city 2, where spoiler Steve cheats on Miranda. He truly loved her and admitted his fault, I believe if you work on it you can figure it out. I understand it’s tough because he never told you sooner, but that letters speaks a thousand words. I think, aside from the slip up, he’s a keeper. If you are willing to give him a second chance, you should do it.
He didn’t tell you because HE couldn’t handle it. Not because you couldn’t. Sounds like he’s still lying to himself. And when he said you couldn’t cheat because you loved him too much? The flip side of that is also true. He cheated because he DIDN’T love you enough.
Don’t have kids with this man.
What’s I up with all the Ai stories lately?
I truly believe that we are new people every five years and that you’ve both had more than enough time and distance to move beyond college level indiscretions. I know Reddit tends toward “Lose the bastard” but I don’t get any of that here. Maybe a handful of counseling sessions as you work through something new to you, but I encourage you to heavily weight his behavior over the last five years. That’s what you’re signing up for.
I read like three sentences before I was convinced this is AI written
I think this would make me question so many more things. Did he just lie… Consistently? Why not come clean years ago? Why did you have to bring it up? Would it change anything if you were married? What if you found out in 30 years? Would you trust those years to believe it was only once? You should ask yourself, and him so many questions.
Only read till he acknowledged cheating after telling you he knew you didn’t because you loved him too much to do that to him . There’s your answer there’s your future if you stay
AI bullshit, nice work on the first two sentences tho, almost tricked me
I think the statute of limitations has more than kicked in here. Throw away your relationship over something that happened while you were long distance a DECADE ago? You need a reality check.
AI or not, I’d be using my hall pass. Because we can all cheat once and get forgiven, if that’s the case.
Yikes. Yeah, I wish you luck healing from this and hope you make the right call for your own sake.
My partner and I have 0 tolerance around cheating but if it was ever to happen I would at the very least have to take some time and space away from him to decide if the relationship was worth continuing.
Let me say something that a friend of mine said to me when I discovered my husband’s cheating. “You cannot find comfort in the arms of the one who betrayed you”
You need to step away and figure out your feelings. For him, this was 8-10 years ago. For you, it’s NOW!
In this case a mistake would’ve been a one night stand with a complete stranger (still horrible and inexcusable)…this is different though because it was personal and intimate. The person he slept with wasn’t a stranger. They were even known to you. He lied and deceived you when you initially suspected something was up. He intentionally sought after this person by entertaining them and spending time with them. He deliberately left himself open for them to sleep together. It wasn’t a mistake until AFTER they had sex. All of their encounters and conversations prior to that were wanted by him. I don’t buy his excuse for a second. For the last decade he chose to protect himself and this other person by lying and deceiving you every single day. He’s a lying, cheating coward, the letter proves it.
Updateme
Let it go. Ancient history. Focus on the many years since. He fu ked up and never did it again. People make mistakes and learn from them. CLearly you are his person. Your misery and regret will follow you for a lifetime if you leave over this. It has been 10 years.
Ask him to go through his phone. Before he erases anything. See the conversations with the girl that popped up.
Trust your gut. Don’t let him off the hook yet.
I don’t think counseling will help you. You’ll never be the same. Your perfect paradise just exploded in your face. You’ll be a different person from this point on. Funny betray is do harsh. Why do we human behave this way.
Sorry this happen to you
I really hope this can be worked out.
I wish people wouldn’t dramatisize what they share here lol. Throws me off like I am reading a story.
> Except the moment he said it, I felt something shift. His body tensed. His heart was racing.
His heart was racing? Come on mate
I hope you are able to navigate this with success. Im sorry this happened to you.
Drenched in sweat and possibility?
What the fuck?
Gosh, as if the Internet wasn’t already drowning in low effort garbage prior to AI. Shit is becoming completely void of worthwhile content.
8 years ago means he held the secret for 2 years then wrote the letter ? Why say he wrote the letter right after it happened ?
Beautifully written story.
It all sounded great to me, but I read smut like it’s crack so. . .
I think that people change as they grow and that counseling will help the two of you. He certainly seems truly remorseful.
How does one become ‘drenched in sweat and possibility’?
GTFOH with this nonsense.
Hard to read. Written like a bad 14 year olds fantasy. AI
This reads like AI, “drenched in sweat and possibility”? It’s too flowery for someone who just found out this info less than 24 hours ago
That title told me all I needed to know – AI 💀
Hate to say it but I’d take him back🤷🏾♀️ no one’s perfect and everyone makes mistakes. I think it’s beautiful when someone makes a mistake just to realize where their heart really is. I think it’s sweet he truly regretted it. Give him a second chance.
Yeah I can’t get behind any of this. I can’t imagine you telling a story about how your partner cheated and lied for 10 years and then talk about love in the same sentence.
Also this reads a little fictional? Idk sounds like AI.
I wouldn’t even remember cheating 10 years ago tbh
I don’t know about the AI bit, but just because you used an illustrative metaphor, I didn’t suspect that.
I could feet that post— I think you will make it. ❤️
Nice writing. You probably know you’d get black & white advice from Reddit. Sometimes nuance is important. And it’s not really possible to convey the reality – your reality – of a long relationship in a Reddit post. Here’s wishing you good luck in your journey.
BullSHIT
I guess I read too much Reddit because I’ve read this one before…it’s formulaic.
Forgiveness is one of the hardest things to learn. But it’s absolutely necessary if you want to live honestly. And , in my opinion, it’s always the right thing to do . Everybody makes terrible mistakes and if we don’t forgive each other then we don’t have the opportunity to move past them.
So here’s the thing. When someone goes out of their way to cross a line, Communicate, meet up, and then sleep together. That tells me I’ll never be able to trust that it wouldn’t happen again. I wouldn’t be able to trust that they would hold boundaries. My husband has a job that takes him away for months a time. I trust him with every part of me. I don’t trust easily either. But, we’ve specifically talked about that if we even opened up the opportunity to cheat, I.e. striking up a friendship out of the blue with the opposite sex, chatting over the phone, and hanging out, that the trust is already gone. It doesn’t just happen. People don’t just accidentally cheat. They cross the line little by little knowing what’s going to happen and still decide to do it.
I can’t say that you should end this bc it’s not my life, but Ask yourself if you will be able to move forward and not think about his infidelity everyday. If you can say you still trust him or ever will. What is a relationship/marriage without trust?
I’m sorry, OP.
Give him time he’ll cheat again