We need to talk about the statute of limitations on apologies in a marriage. Because apparently, some men think you can emotionally annihilate your spouse, wait five years while treating her like a live-in appliance, and then just hit a reset button when you want something new. One woman on Reddit just dropped a story that is equal parts heartbreaking and infuriating, and it proves that sometimes, the ship hasn’t just sailed; it’s sunk to the bottom of the deepest ocean.
Our narrator (33F) has been married to her husband (36M) for seven years. Five years ago, she was pregnant with their son, and it was a miserable experience physically. But her husband decided to make it emotionally torturous too. Despite claiming he didn’t think she cheated, he demanded a test because he “needed to be sure.” Let’s be clear: questioning paternity when there’s no infidelity is a nuclear bomb to trust. It destroyed her emotionally during an already vulnerable time.
After the baby was born and he got his precious proof, she was still broken. She begged for marriage counseling. He said no; it was “her issue” to get over. She begged for individual therapy just for herself. He again said no, claiming they “didn’t have the money” and told her to just “get over it.” Wow. The lack of empathy here is staggering. He broke her leg and then told her to walk it off because ambulance rides are inconvenience for him.
For a year, she hated him with a “burning passion.” Honestly, fair. But eventually, through meditation, that hate turned into something worse: total indifference. She wanted out, but family pressure kept her staying “for the son.” So, she became the perfect Stepford wife on autopilot. She cooked, she cleaned, and in the most devastating sentence I have read today, she “let him use my body to get off whenever he wanted,” viewing s*x merely as another chore on the list. My heart actually hurts for her.
Now that their son is in kindergarten and she’s finally getting a sliver of her autonomy back—looking for a job, working out again—the husband has a brilliant idea: he wants another baby. She literally laughed in his face because she thought he was joking. When she realized he was serious, she delivered the cold, hard truth: “I wouldn’t have a baby with someone that I didn’t love.”
And this man… this absolute dense walnut of a human being… was shocked. He claims he had “no idea” she didn’t love him. Sir, what? She stopped wearing her wedding ring five years ago. She hasn’t said “I love you” in half a decade. No dates, no gifts, just roommate living with transactional s*x. How oblivious do you have to be to think this is a happy marriage ready for expansion? He didn’t notice because her lack of love didn’t inconvenience him until now.
But here is the kicker. Now that he wants something (a baby) and realizes his baby-making machine is broken, he suddenly wants to do counseling to “save our marriage.” He wants to put in the effort now that he has a goal that benefits him.
She doesn’t want to go, and frankly, I don’t blame her. He had his chance five years ago when she was drowning and begged for a lifeline. He told her that her pain was inconvenient and expensive. You don’t get to ignore a festering wound for 1,825 days and then expect a therapist to fix it with a couple of Zoom sessions just because you decided it’s time for baby #2.
She’s NTA for refusing counseling now. The marriage ended five years ago when he valued his own baseless insecurity over her well-being. He’s just finally noticing the corpse in the living room because he tripped over it. She doesn’t need marriage counseling; she needs freedom from this emotional vampire.
Run Jane run