My boyfriend died six months ago, and I still don’t know how to talk about it without feeling like I’m living someone else’s story.
We were together for two years. He wasn’t just my boyfriend-he was my best friend, my safe place, my person. It still doesn’t feel real. One moment we were laughing about something stupid over the phone, and then suddenly, the next day, he was just… gone. A car crash. No warning. No goodbye.
I still have his number saved. Sometimes late at night when everything gets too heavy, I open our chat and type like I’m talking to him. I know it’s stupid. I know he’s not going to reply. But it helps me breathe for a bit. Sometimes I just tell him I miss him. Or I had a bad day. Or I saw something funny and thought of him.
I haven’t touched the stuff he left at my place. His hoodie is still hanging on my chair. His voice memos are still saved in my phone. Everyone keeps saying “you’ll heal eventually” or “he’d want you to move on,” but I hate that sentence. I don’t want to move on. I just want him back.
I miss him. I miss us. And yeah, I still text him. I probably always will.
TL;DR: I lost my boyfriend in a sudden accident six months ago. We were together for two years, and I still haven’t let go. I text his number when I feel alone. It’s the only thing that makes the grief feel a little less heavy.
EDIT: Thank you so much for the kindness everyone🙏🏻. I never thought this post would reach so many people, and I’m honestly overwhelmed. I’ve been reading y’all comments, especially the ones where some of you shared similar stories… and my heart truly hurts for you all and your loved ones. I’m so sorry anyone had to go through something like this. No one deserves that kind of pain. I was scared to post this, afraid of being judged… but right now, I just feel less alone. Thank you for that.
Comments
I’m so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for the tragedy. I don’t think 6 months is nearly close to get over a loss like this.
It’s been a little over a year and a half for me, and I still message him on Facebook. The babies and I still celebrate his birthday. I even took his urn with us the first time we went out of town to visit family, because it didn’t feel right leaving him behind. There’s no right way to grieve. Whatever gets you through it is the right way, no matter what anyone else says or thinks. Lots of people have lots of opinions- especially those that have never been through it. F*** ’em. If you didn’t still feel lost and completely mind blown, and text him, message him, talk to him, etc. that’s when I would be worried, honestly. I think it’s a real testament to your love.
My heart goes out to you, babe. The grief gets easier to carry, but it never stops being a really hard, life-altering thing. Somehow, with time, you manage to grow around it. I know it doesn’t feel that way now, but it will get better. It’ll never fully heal. There’s no real “moving on” moment… but it will get better. I promise.
Oh wow…your pain must be quite literally unbearable! I can’t imagine it at all…I had a friend with who I was literally texting on instagram just before midnight and as the morning of the next day hit, he went out to cycle with friends and got hit by a car in a roundabout. He died fortunately instantly… we were friends for 5-6 years. Two years after he passed, I was still going to our chat on insta, hoping it was just a joke, and that he would reply to me eventually. My last messages were left unopened and unread, never got a reply!
I say to you, give yourself a lot of time, grief has ups and downs. One day you’ll wake up feeling okay and the next you might wake up feeling worse than ever. It’s all part of moving forward, it’s part of your progress in life. I cannot for the love of God fathom your pain, but I pray you’ll be okay. Keep doing what you’re doing and don’t force yourself to do something if it doesn’t feel right. Keep moving forward though as you already do….you’re doing great!
My brother died a couple years ago. I still message him sometimes.
None of that is stupid, OP
You are handling a terrible situation in a very admirable way.
You sound like a mature, loving, and just wounded human.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
But you deserve the healing you get from texting him – there’s nothing wrong with that.
In fact, I’m not sure I can come up with many ways of processing such a tragedy that would be much better.
I was in you while reading your text. Overwhelming.
It is going to take time to feel better, to feel capable of moving forward, only you will know when you are ready but sure you will.
There will be the time when the memories will still be there but they hurt less and less, you will have learnt to live with it
New account with the same storyline as a recent movie
My heart swells for everyone who is sharing their story, but I don’t think the OP is genuine
He can’t reply, but he gets your messages and he’s so grateful that you’re able to send them. ❤️
that’s really tough i’m so sorry for your loss grief is messy and there’s no right way to handle it i hope you find moments of peace in all of this
I don’t know if emotional music helps you grieve or makes it worse, but this reminded me of one of my favourite songs.
”I guess that we’ll never
have coffee to catch up
sometimes I dial your
number and hang up
just to pretend you’re there”
It’s from Pretenders by Montt Mardié ft Hello Saferide.
im so sorry this makes me wanna cry, and im already in the midde of applying for jobs :_(
I continued to text mine for over a year until someone was assigned his old number. I would be texting it still. It’s been 4 years now. There is no time limit on grief. My heart goes out to you❤️
>I miss him. I miss us.
That’s totally normal. Other people don’t get to tell you when, how or how long to grieve.
Eventually the grief probably will be less sharp but there is no time frame for “eventually.” It may be a year or it may be 5+ years. Everyone is different. There is no right or wrong.
I feel you op.. thats ok, notbing wrong with that.
I did this too before when my mom paased away i stil txted her number for 3 yrs. I just stopped when my old phone broke that i didnt have any choice as her number is saved on that phone.. i wanted to repair that phone but just too much damaged..
See if my sisters didnt deactivated her facebook I would have msg her still.
but maybe that happened for a good reason till I finally let go. To add up i cried everyday for 5 months from the day she passed away till one day I dreamt of her and she asked me why am i crying everyday, and suddenly I just stopped.
We grief differently and thats alright..
Six months is no time at all to “move on”, I would ignore people saying this as they clearly don’t understand what they’re talking about.
Grief over bureavement of someone you love is for life. Whether they are a direct family member or romantic partner. Take all the time you can over this and seek therapy if you’re struggling, Don’t feel bad for thinking about him or missing him.
I can’t speak on your boyfriend’s behalf (nor can anyone else!) but I know if I were to depart this life unexpectedly, I would want my loved ones to take whatever time they need, and do whatever they need to do, to grieve their own way.
I would also want the people in their lives to shut up and not tell them to ‘move on’ before they feel ready and stuff like that.
You are grieving someone so significant, someone you dearly love and who dearly loved you. You’re grieving the future you had planned together, the picture you had of your life.
You get to take as much time as you need, and anyone who tells you how to live your life can stay the hell out of it.
hugs
🙏🏻
you’re not texting a number—you’re holding onto the only place he still feels reachable
that’s not stupid
that’s love refusing to disappear just because the world says “time’s up”
grief like this doesn’t fade
it integrates
some days, you’ll carry it
other days, it’ll carry you
the hoodie stays
the messages stay
you don’t have to “move on” like he never existed
you just keep living in a world that now includes loss—and that takes guts most people will never understand
no timeline
no rules
just breath, memory, and whatever helps you make it through the night
Grief is personal and weird and a part of me that I carry like a scar
It’s been 6 months. You are taking the time to grieve properly and grief isn’t linear. It’s good days and it’s bad days and it’s fucking awful days. What you are feeling is perfectly normal.
I’m so sorry OP.
Just a caveat, though, in case you’re sharing very personal thoughts – phone companies tend to reuse/reassign phone numbers after about six to eight months after they’ve been cancelled. Some random person could theoretically receive those texts and, while they wouldn’t know you, you probably wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing anything intimate/very personal with them.
I hate to be the one to tell you, but it’s a distinct possibility, if his account has been terminated.
I wrote letters/notes in my Notepad app to someone I was missing terribly. It’s definitely not the same, though.
I did the same thing. Gosh, I’m so sorry. I know the pain too well. It’s going to hurt a little less someday and you’re going to start feeling like your wound is healing ❤️🩹
my late uncle died 8 months ago and i still send him love letters. i feel you.
My ex passed suddenly almost 2 years ago and I still text his number, send him TikToks every day, dm him here on Reddit stupid threads I know he’d like, imagine conversations with him as I fall asleep.. 2 years later and it is still basically every waking moment that he is on my mind. If I am not entirely occupied, it’s constant.
At first I was incredibly hard on myself for not getting any better but I have given up on that at this point. The lack of pressure on myself has made me feel a little better, and less guilty for not being ready to let go and move on, for other people around me who have tried to get involved romantically. I’ve tried and there’s nothing I can do about where I am about this mentally and emotionally for the time being, and that is okay, and doesn’t mean I need to feel like I’m doing something wrong for still being this attached. It is okay.
There’s no concrete timeline for letting go, and I also hate the whole “they’d want you to move on” thing. I don’t have any desire to! I have gone on living after losing him, which is enough challenge for the rest of my life. I’m not going to add stress and pressure and guilt to my life by forcing myself to “be ready” to move on and get over it. I’m treating myself as gentle as I possibly can, because honestly I feel as delicate as a dandelion. Even still. There’s no need for any more pressure.
I’m rambling but I am so incredibly sorry that this happened, and I sympathize with you completely. There’s nothing wrong or abnormal or crazy about how you’re navigating, and there is no time limit to grief. I for one will be grieving forever and that’s okay lol. I hope you can feel better on some days though ♡
My step daughter died two and a half years go. I still message her on her Facebook messenger. I thought I was the only one. Turns out my husband and her best friend does as well. It’s a way for us to keep feeling like we’re able talk to or about her as so many don’t want to talk about her
It’s been almost 4 years since I lost my best friend. She was my everything. 01/11/21 will be a day forever painted on the inside of my heart and mind. Cluster seizure took her life. Please don’t let anyone tell you how to feel. I also hate when people say you’ll heal with time cause you genuinely don’t. You just learn to build your life around it, so much that it isn’t an easy to access the pain, but it’s 100% still there. I think when someone tells you that time heals it feels very dismissive? Maybe that’s just me. Like whatever you’re feeling now won’t matter in time and it’s just not true although we all wish it was. I got to a place where I kind of enjoyed the pain I felt because it became the only thing that felt like her, don’t get to that point please. If you do, either get help or realise you gotta find something to pull you out of it.
I told myself that I’d never let anyone in the same way again, and that I probably wouldn’t survive the year. Next thing you know someone came into my life and smashed down all my walls without me even really getting the chance to put any effort into stopping it. She helped me move to a different country, and now I’m 39 weeks pregnant with my first child. It does get EASIER, you find new reasons to live, to survive, to breathe, but that pain will be with you forever and idk about you but I find comfort in that? Like she wasn’t a figment of my imagination, my love for her was real and the pain is a reminder of that 🧡
My wife’s brother passed away 2 years ago and she still will send him messages on his video game account. I know it hurts but its something that helps and is worth it to keep doing it.
And I know if I lost my wife I would still do the same messaging her on our discord or text message, wherever.
I can’t even imagine what you are going through. My heart breaks for you. I lost my uncle last month after a long battle with cancer and I sometimes want to message but I know he won’t reply, I even have his voice notes saved on my phone just to feel close to him. He was the closest thing I had to a father figure and now he is just gone.
I don’t think anyone really moves on from grief, Remember all the good times and know that your love for each other was and is real and will never fade. Don’t let anyone tell you how you should feel or that you will be healed with time, it doesn’t work that way
We all cope in different ways and your way helps you feel close to him. Be gentle with yourself, and allow yourself to grieve at your own pace. Sending you a huge virtual hug 🤗❤️
Get those memos backed up somewhere safe, just in case.