I (28F) was in a long-distance relationship with Erik (28M, fake name) for 5 months. For Valentine’s Day, I booked a flight to his city a whole hour flight just to spend a week with him. We made these plans together two months ahead. He even offered to pick me up from the airport.
The day of the trip, I was excited sending him snaps, updates from the airport, telling him I’d see him soon. But no reply. My gut told me something was off, but I pushed it down. I landed, still no word. Then I walked through the arrival gate and he wasn’t there. Just empty space. I sat in a corner of the airport and cried. It was humiliating. I had no hotel, no plan B. I was supposed to stay with him.
I tried calling no answer. Eventually, over an hour later, he texted me. Not called, texted. Said he “fell asleep.” Turns out he’d been staying up late gaming all night.
I stayed the week because I had no choice. But once I got home, I broke up with him. I couldn’t be with someone who couldn’t even set an alarm for me after I crossed the country to see him. He agreed at the time.
Now, weeks later, I just got a long, emotional letter from him saying he’s sorry, he loves me, he didn’t mean to hurt me.
I’m torn. Was I too harsh? AITA for ending the relationship over this? Or did I just finally respect my own worth?
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Backup of the post’s body: I (28F) was in a long-distance relationship with Erik (28M, fake name) for 5 months. For Valentine’s Day, I booked a flight to his city a whole hour flight just to spend a week with him. We made these plans together two months ahead. He even offered to pick me up from the airport.
The day of the trip, I was excited sending him snaps, updates from the airport, telling him I’d see him soon. But no reply. My gut told me something was off, but I pushed it down. I landed, still no word. Then I walked through the arrival gate and he wasn’t there. Just empty space. I sat in a corner of the airport and cried. It was humiliating. I had no hotel, no plan B. I was supposed to stay with him.
I tried calling no answer. Eventually, over an hour later, he texted me. Not called, texted. Said he “fell asleep.” Turns out he’d been staying up late gaming all night.
I stayed the week because I had no choice. But once I got home, I broke up with him. I couldn’t be with someone who couldn’t even set an alarm for me after I crossed the country to see him. He agreed at the time.
Now, weeks later, I just got a long, emotional letter from him saying he’s sorry, he loves me, he didn’t mean to hurt me.
I’m torn. Was I too harsh? AITA for ending the relationship over this? Or did I just finally respect my own worth?
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
He’s a gamer. You’ll spend your life competing. Plus he’s an idiot.
Dude, no. This guy is giving his MINIMUM. He’s having regrets, and he should, due to his life choices. If the situation were reversed, it would never occur to you that you might forget. Let him go. Move onward and upward, because you deserve so much better!
Nooooo girl don’t do it. You deserve someone that will be attentive, the FIRST TIME around!!! Don’t even answer his letter.
Not too harsh at all lol. He neglected to show up for you, had a lame childish excuse, and it’s reasonable that your feelings changed. You’re lucky this happened so early really.
He didn’t mean to hurt you.
He DID choose to not prioritize your arrival.
He made a choice.
So did you.
The level of disrespect he showed is just not acceptable. I saw my former relationship in this story. I’m sorry. 😢
Girl bye, own your shit! He did something so foul, he couldn’t even stop gaming to make sure he was up to pick you up. I say ignore his message and move on. You aren’t being “harsh”. Letting an adult face the consequences of his actions isn’t “harsh”.
Did he even attempt to fix it? Did you hit you up and rush over to the airport? Did you even spend the week with him?
Hes incompetent at basic adulting. Who cares how much he loves you if he’s incompetent at it. He couldn’t even pick you up at the airport. He sucks at loving somebody.
You are NTA! I wouldn’t have stayed the week, but caught the next flight home. You went through the trouble to fly to see him, and he couldn’t be bothered to plan his time accordingly? YTA, if you stay with this waste of a man.
I’m curious about what that entire week together was like. Why was a letter necessary if he had an entire week to grovel in person?
i have heard this story before
He should’ve so enthusiastic about your visit that he forgot to sleep. Move on.
Wow, where are you that it is only an hour’s flight across the whole country?
No don’t do it. He showed you how he felt about you. Listen to him. If you want him back make him come to you.
When someone SHOWS you who they really are and proves what they value (not you!) do yourself a favor and believe them.
Words are cheap. His actions told you everything you need to know.
move on
One time, my husband overslept and missed his flight home from a business trip because he was out late drinking with Cathy the accountant, and he forgot to set an alarm.
I wanted to divorce him but he begged me not to, so I didn’t.
Few years later, he divorced me.
If he can’t set an alarm you are not important to him.
Listen to yourself! Do you have “Wipe Feet Here” tattooed on your face? Lose that looser!
Block him and be done with him. You deserve better.
Either his side chick dumped him, or he likes that you’re the kind of girl that he can give the absolute minimum to, and you’ll gladly accept him back.
As a guy who was in a long distance relationship and closed the distance a year and a half ago, I would say you did the right thing breaking up with him. Any visit me and my gf got to have was always exciting, only times we would miss it was for weather or some sort of personal event (death/getting sick) the lead up to every visit was special, and exciting because we wanted to see each other. If i didn’t get sleep the night before you better believe id still have gone to see her because the excitement would have kept me up. You deserve someone who’s as excited to see you as you are to see them.
NTA…don’t get back with him. He’s 28, not 18, and he prioritized gaming all night over making sure he was there to pick you up. You made so much effort coming to him but he couldn’t manage the most minimal of effort to pick you up. He hasn’t grown up yet. There are better men out there.
What he means is that he’s horny and can’t find anyone else to sleep with.
The only thing I would have done different is figure out how to get a return flight home the same day.
Id thank him for taking accountability and tell him you hope he has learned something from this.
And then move on. Block him.
You were not his priority. His video games were.
Good riddance. Find someone who values you
Keep this one gone, he not ready to be in an adult relationship. You don’t owe anyone a relationship or a second chance. Let him level himself up for the next girl friend. You want to spend your time, attention and love on someone who can manage his own life. If he can’t cook,clean, do his laundry and manage his time then he’s too immature to date seriously.
Oh ffs. I’ve come to the conclusion that for a lot of people, LDR is a euphemism for “LDBC.” Long Distance Booty Call. There always seems to be at least one person cheating and not really at all committed to it. It’s their “SOS” Strange On the Side.
No forget him he sucks.
No. Move forward, not back. There is a reason it didnt work out the first time. If you waste anymore time, you are just delaying meeting the better person in your future.
Not at all, you made the right move breaking up with him. Sounds like an irresponsible jerk. How could he do that to you after you come all that way to see him he doesn’t appreciate you. Find somebody that well and treat you like the queen that you are don’t get with that deadbeat
I used to have a bad habit of oversleeping. I’ve gotten better.
If I was him, you’d know that about me and I’d probably ask you to call to make sure I’m up before you left the gate.
Was he tanked when he picked you up? This guy ain’t right.
He showed you exactly how much he’s willing to prioritize you, not at all. In any way. If this was an issue he should have sent you his address and funds for an uber at the very least and that’d still be shity with hat weak ass excuse.
NTA – dont ever devalue yourself or your time for the stupidity of a man.
Nope. Keep your dignity, homie, not the “man”.
I would be over the moon for a woman who was willing to go to the hassle to fly out and see me. As someone who regularly stays up late gaming – occasionally until sunrise! – I am dragging my ass out of bed to be at the airport. Sleeping till the last minute is one thing, not getting out of bed to meet you at the airport and due to circumstances wholly within his control is an absolute slap in the face.
If he disrespects your time and effort when all he has to invest is picking you up.. what’s he gonna do when things require actual effort? Like moving in together? Facing life’s challenges? A wedding? ..children?!?!?
Nah. Tell that clown to pound sand, kick rocks, and to SUCK IT.
No you weren’t too harsh at all. I was in a long distance relationship (I’ve recently just moved in) I flew from UK to Australia, and I’m telling you if he didn’t pick me up from the airport as he fell asleep I would have booked the first flight home and ended it.
You made the effort & spent money just to have some time with him, the least he can do is show up when you need him.
Tell him to grow up instead of irresponsibly playing games all night and not even setting an alarm or two. You deserve better.
No, he showed you who he is, trust that! He will let you down again, do you know why? Because you will let him! That’s on you then.
But hey, what’s one more chance for him to fuck up, right? Playing games all night, over sleeping, no alarm, oh wait, wasn’t there something I was supposed to do? Oh well, whatever.
Me; Nope! You; probably will.
Keep us posted.
Ask him to come visit you but fall asleep before he arrives. See if he thinks it’s no big deal
A one hour flight is nothing. Not a big deal give him a break.
People make huge f*!k ups sometimes. Look back and try to remember if he has a pattern of disregarding you in his life. How did the week go? Long distance relationships are difficult.
If I had a dollar for every time a man did some really rude shit to their girlfriend, and then tries to come clawing back into her life after the girlfriend puts her foot down.
Too little, too late. Men think they can get away with anything, so they try it, and until they meet consequences they will continue to treat the women in their lives this way.
In 5 months has “Erik” ever gone out of his way for you? Does he travel to see you, does he make plans with you, or are you just convenient because you make all the sacrifices?
Honestly I really think you should let it go. He wasn’t giving the effort you were.
If you really want some sort of test to alleviate feeling like you missed out on something give him 3-4 sets of dates you are free for a 2-3 day period.
Be very clear, he plans his travel to you. You only actually agree to a date on night 1. Nothing more.
If he puts in the effort to plan his travel and accommodation in your area he gets one date with you. And you can see what happens from there.
All this will do is confirm you made the right choice. Because he won’t do the work. But that really might make you feel better.
No. If I was picking up my SO I would be really early waiting. It’s just thoughtless and uncaring that he wasn’t there. You stood up for yourself and should be proud about that, not second guessing it.
RUN
His other chick has just broken up with him. So he is crawling back.
Nope, you haven’t been too harsh. You finally respected yourself.
You made a huge effort to see him. It wasn’t a surprise, guy couldn’t even bother to be there. Breaking up is completely reasonable.
Not harsh at all. He doesn’t care about you or else he would have set an alarm. He’s an idiot. Let him go. You deserve better and better will eventually come along.
So, babe, my husband and I were long distance for 3.5 years at the start of our relationship.
Not once – not a single time – in those 3.5 years did either of us “sleep in” and miss picking the other up at the airport. In over THREE YEARS, and althea loser you were dating couldn’t even make it 5 months before showing you that he didn’t prioritize you or care about you.
Like… my husband and I would get to the airport hours early because we were so excited to see each other again.
Dont stay with mediocre dudes who would rather spend their nights before your visit staying up playing video games and being too stupid to set an alarm to make sure they are the first thing you see when you land.
This is an echo chamber of crazies telling you to leave him for good.
I disagree, the dude made a mistake and has recognised his own poor actions, he has expressed his willingness to change and make amends and deserves a 2nd chance. Doesn’t everyone? Noone is perfect.
Did he apologize when he woke up or not until weeks later? If he at all tried to pretend it wasn’t a big deal/letdown for you I’d say dump him for sure. If he was apologizing as soon as he woke up, I’d say people make mistakes and the situation would depend on how the relationship has been up til now
You crossed the country in an hour long flight?? And it was cheaper to stay there for a week than to catch a short flight back home??
Don’t waste one more second thinking about this guy.
…Aren’t we more than a few weeks from Valentine’s day?
Do NOT give him a second chance.
You were too gentle in the beginning.
I would have at least tried to rebook my return flight for an earlier date or, if finances allowed, jumped on a train or rented a car to get home ASAP.
Absolutely not.
My ex-husband failed to show up for our baby’s ultrasound 20 years ago. My sister called him to thoroughly bitch him out. That is the only reason he showed up when the ultrasound was almost over.
Those oversights were a symptom of him not prioritizing his wife and children. And it never changed.
I divorced him a few years later, remarried two years after that.
My husband has never let me or my daughter down in 13+ years. He raised my daughter as his own.
OP, you are NOT the AH.
Don’t waste your precious time.
No, run and never look back
The bar is still in hell I see
Only five months and he treats you like this? Absolutely NOT. You did right breaking up with him and he can fuck off and deal with the consequences from his bad behavior.
One, you weren’t stuck there. You did have a choice. You could have changed your ticket and gone right back home. Two, how did you cross the country but your flight was only one hour long?
It took him weeks to realize that he’s sorry? Screw that. Block him and live your best life. Please don’t even respond to him
No, you were not too harsh. In this situation, you’d think he’d be very excited you were coming to visit and would be full of butterflies and actually a bit hypervigilant with getting to the airport on time, because he should be so anxious to see you! But it’s like, not only was he not excited, he didn’t seem to give a shit at all, not even enough to set a damn alarm. Your thought process is accurate…you cannot be with someone who cares so little and shows that so soon in the relationship. You’re going to be disappointed a lot if you continue seeing him. If you’re up for that, then fine. If not, hold your stance and let him go.
He’s a child. Aim to date men.
His inaction is an action.
Not to harsh.
You respected your own worth, boys like him don’t change for long. Go live your best life and leave him in the past.
Reality is – this guy probably bet you were the one with the issue, figured he’d be able to find a woman who would put up with that shit, and he didn’t. Then comes crawling back.. it’s the tale as old as time.
Your thinking of reconciling with a guy that prioritized gaming all night over you. Why?
Did you already post this 8 months ago or are are you a bot?
Not even anything cool like up all night drinking whiskey and doing blow…. overslept playing COD
You made the right choice. Don’t reopen a closed door!
He’s 28 and couldn’t plan ahead to NOT game all night when he KNEW you were coming and he was supposed to pick you up? Let alone he didn’t set an alarm or leave the ringer on just in case. Yeah, you were right breaking up with him. Find someone who will respect you and drop everything because he wants to be with you.
It’s been “this long” since he’s had sex with a woman. You’re not his “soul mate”; you’re the last girl he slept with.
Took him 3 months to miss you? Nope. Just keep going. You do not need to revisit that mistake.
NTA. My boyfriend and I are long distance, even when he had been up at 5:30a for work and my flight got delayed so I didn’t land till 1:30am the next day he was there to pick me up on time. He napped while I was in the air and made sure he was up before I landed. Your ex could’ve put alarms on, could’ve gone to bed sooner, thought at all about you first. He’s clearly selfish.
NAH – If that was enough for you to break the relationship then you weren’t being too harsh cause that means whatever else your relationship was it wasn’t good enough to make up for that.
Wow!! You are so generous. I would have changed my return flight while waiting at the airport, right after he texted a lame excuse instead of calling and begging forgiveness. Must have been hard to spend the week with someone you know you are breaking up with.
Guy does not care about you except as an afterthought. I took him weeks to send an apology letter? That shows how important you are to him. He was probably happy about the breakup at first, dreaming about all those tinder hookups in his future. Then a few weeks later he found the grass wasn’t greener.
This is a stolen post
https://www.reddit.com/r/TwoHotTakes/s/z6jjYQssyC
If this is real, that’s really disrespectful of him. But I’m just curious, are you in Europe or something?
“Or did I just finally respect my own worth?”
This one.
NTA, and don’t you dare take him back. If he wanted to, he would’ve, but he didn’t. That’s all you need to know. Updateme
He doesn’t want a girlfriend just the idea of one. The least he could have done was set an alarm to come meet you. He wasn’t excited to be with you enough to do that. Don’t give him a second chance to waste your time dear …
You respected your own worth. Keep him at the curb.
Sorry, but if you don’t know the answer to your question, then you’re as immature as he is.
If you get back with this guy, you are disrespecting yourself
🎶I was gonna pick you up from the airport, but then I got high…and fell asleep
He didn’t even call you when he woke up. He TEXTED you. That’s beyond lazy and disrespectful. Big ol’ red flag for sure.
Move on, you’d be wasting more of your time.
You’d think he could come up with a better excuse like he was kidnapped by 5 huge terrorists on his way to the airport, and they threatened to blah blah him unless he blah blah blah. Maybe his elongated nap was really good news for you in disguise. I think your initial instincts to move on were probably right.
NTA
Sometimes long distance relationships don’t work when you see each other. This is that time.
You deserve someone that is excited to see you !
He’s an asshole. But shit happens. If he had a lot of good things about him .. play it out. If this is just another strike against him .. move on. I don’t think falling asleep and being late calls for an immediate break up.
You spent the entire week with him. I’m confused. Why did you stay? It’s not hard to book a flight back home earlier. Why?
Nope. He’s too immature. Don’t settle for bare minimum.
He texted you because he could not call you until he was away from the other woman he was with at the time. You are right to move on.
If you give him a do-over then his self-improvements will be short-lived.
As someone that is a lazy partner, this is next level laziness. This is absent. For your sanity, block them and move on.
If you do continue, ask him to visit you to prove his love, so can ghost him
Sounds like he blew you off for someone else, that didn’t work and now he wants you back. Why else would he have so readily agreed to break up?
So you stayed and pretended everything was fine then dumped him after leaving? Yikes. All bc you had to wait an hour…
Hugs, I know you think you love him but he prefers the idea of a relationship versus a relationship. Walk away as he isn’t going to change.
How was the rest of the relationship? I’m guessing not all that great since you seem pretty comfortable moving on. Keep going.
This is another stolen post
wait…you “crossed the country” but it was “an hour flight”?
something’s not adding up
He agreed when you broke up with him, then sent you a letter 4 months later? He’s having trouble finding someone else, so he thought of you. It costs him nothing to try to get you back. If he cared about you at all, he wouldn’t wait 4 months. Block him and move on.
“I feel asleep”. No. Just no. He’s bitch-slapping your boundaries to see what you will let slide
I have literally heard exactly this statement from someone who had ALREADY had me rearrange my schedule to accommodate him.
IT. NEVER. GETS BETTER.
You made an excellent choice walking away. Do not look back
Respect yourself
Weeks??? It took weeks after the break up to realize he wanted you back? What was he doing during those weeks?
Not too harsh. You found out who he is. Be glad of that. Let him be in the rear view mirror. And, maybe something else was going on, like another woman.
Honey…. I would expect an acquaintance who agreed to an airport pick up to treat you with more respect than that ex of yours did. Think about that.
You deserve better. There is better. You will find better, but ONLY if you don’t waste your energy on people who treat you worse than a decent neighbor.
Block him on all socials. Don’t bother reading any more letters. Return all to sender.
Relationships of substance are built on actions, not pretty apologies
You just gave me flashbacks to some terrible relationships. If you actually mattered to him, he would have been awake and there early. Don’t do it. 🚩🚩🚩
You did the right thing.
The people worth your tears aren’t ever going to be the ones that make you cry.
Trust me, when a man cares deeply about a woman things like him falling asleep on the big day of your arrival do NOT happen. You may have been a booty call, nothing more. I’m shocked you stayed with him for a whole week. But hey, we’ve all been there so I’m not judging you, I get it. Sorry this happened to you though!
He couldn’t even call you. Smh
Girl no. Move on.
Guy’s side piece he “games” with must have broken up with him.
This man has no clue what love is.
Respect your own worth. Only a desperate woman would put up with that. He has shown you who he is, believe it.
Words mean nothing, action tells the truth.
Long distance relationships are a Gamble! Sadly, instead of being an ace up your sleeve, this guy ended up being a joker! Very immature for him not to be able to even set an alarm clock so that I could come meet you at the airport! I wouldn’t gamble on this individual again..
Dude absolutely not. Break up. I have a long distance girlfriend and we see eachother every month – I would sooner die than leave her alone at an airport. That’s unbelievably rude and immature and just so mean.
I’m so sorry for you youngers, video games as an excuse for anything feels like such a no way for me, but I’m sorry your feelings were disregarded and disrespected.
I don’t understand these people who act like falling asleep is a reasonable excuse for fucking up. If you need to be somewhere or do something at a certain time in the morning, set an alarm! Even if you’re sure you’ll be up in time, set the alarm anyway. If you’re lying on the couch or in bed, and you even think you might accidentally fall asleep and miss something important, set an alarm an or get your ass up, move around, maybe get some caffeine in you depending on the time of day. And maybe don’t stay up all night gaming if you have something important to do the following morning.
To me, “sorry I fell asleep” just sounds so stupid. Unless you have narcolepsy, “I fell asleep” sounds a lot like “hehe I chose to be lazy” or “this wasn’t important enough to make sure I actually showed up.”
If you take this guy back, he will do something like this again, and again and again as long as you keep forgiving him and taking him back. He won’t make the effort to change if he never sees any real consequences for this shit.
You couldn’t have had the airline change your return flight?
Something similar happened to me once and that thought never crossed my mind until I was crying to my mom about it. It worked tho and I got home the same day.
You’re a grown ass woman. YOU get to choose what makes you happy. If you want more of what he’s been dishing out then go back. If you want to move on and live your best life then do that. You get to choose whatever makes you happy. Let NO ONE take that from you.
He showed you who he is.
Believe him.
You flew across the country in 1 hour?
This guy was asleep when you arrived to see him. He is emotional from guilt & self sabotage. He doesn’t love himself enough to treat you with respect. You are NTA and don’t go back to him.
Dump him
I agree it was thoughtless, but how was the week you spent together? Did you have a great time? Was he attentive? We all make dumb mistakes. If he was contrite and you had a great week I’d forgive him.
I have driven six hours to have dinner and sex, get a little sleep, then drive six hours home. You can do better.
What was the week like?
Tell him to shove his stupid letter up his ass. If you let him back in he will walk all over you forever. He sounds like a loser.
Go with your first instinct. You aren’t important enough to him.
The bar is so low it’s in hell. Love yourself more that it would take to take him back.
You travel cross country, and .. he writes a hail mary letter. Sounds like the dude needs to get on a plane and at least try to fix it. Otherwise, those other 5 billion men in the world, maybe one of them is better for you.
My ex and I were long distance. I would fly as often as I could to see him and he was there, without fail, to pick me up. Once his car didn’t work so he took the bus to the airport to get me and then called us an uber to his apartment so I wouldn’t have to ride the bus with luggage. This dude sucks. You made the right choice.
He’s spent the last few weeks telling himself you weren’t anything special and he could get another girlfriend easily. Then he discovered girls aren’t welcome where he spends most of his time and going to the effort was too much effort, so he’s back to sucking up to you for attention and validation.
NTA
He’s sorry, he didn’t mean to hurt you, but he did.
His actions do not match his words, so enjoy your life and find someone better.
It’s still a big no. Don’t go back with him. The online gaming, and not being there for you . Big red flags.
You’re better off with this guy being your ex. He couldn’t act like a grown assed adult long enough to greet you after you crossed the country to see him, he doesn’t deserve you.
You know you deserve better. Choose you, not a loser who can’t be bothered to pick you up for a visit he’s known about for months.
Whenever I was to see my bf, he would be super excited to see me that he could not sleep. I asked why he doesn’t take a nap instead. He told me that he’s worried that he’ll miss his alarm and oversleep. He would set 5-6 alarms. When he does fall asleep (has happened a couple of times but I do not blame him), he calls me, apologizes profusely and runs over to me.
You’re not being harsh. What if something happened and it was an emergency? You would’ve received a measly text with a measly excuse.
Choose you. Always.
Nta but a whole hour is not cross country. It takes 90 mins to get from Seattle to San Francisco, so ..
As a penis-haver, if I was going to pick up my girlfriend from the airport for Valentine’s Day I would wake up at 5am like a kid at Christmas (without an alarm) to get to the cell phone lot early in case her plane got there ahead of time.
He has somebody else or he just sucks. Either way, no.
You live across the country from him. There’s gotta be someone more considerate who’s closer.
Maybe he was just nervous
You were not too harsh. You deserve better