I’m so confused lol. This might be the opposite of a problem maybe?
I have been dating this new guy for a few months and knew from the beginning that he had a huge social media presence. He is not really an influencer but his niche hobby gets tons of views and he has sponsorships for that field. His IG runs from high school to present, and he has photos of pretty much every girl he dated, but the crazy thing is that he seems to be friends with all them still, or at least friendly with them. Most of them have married since their time together, and he has liked their wedding photos. And they are all still mutually following each other. (I did stalk a bit.)
I have dated really, really bad people… so this kind of open style is a bit jarring to me. I think these are probably all good signs though, right? He is 30, if that makes any difference.
So far, he has been kind and respectful, and has never pressured me to get involved with his IG stuff. It might be my trauma just feeling uncomfortable with the unfamiliar. I’ve just never dated anyone who kept all their old history up online, AND was still on good terms with like, 5+ exes since high school. The couple photos taper out around 2022 when he focused more on his niche content.
Am I being overly cautious? I’m just scared for the other foot to drop – is this guy just pretending to be cool? Or is he just a cool, open, genuinely nice person? I guess I should say I just don’t trust my own instincts right now.. is this a non-issue?
Comments
I think this pretty standard tbh
this is not a red flag to me. i’m still friends with most of my ex’s and have not deleted old photos. i see exes as a part of my life. i’m only not friends with the one who was absolutely awful to me and cheated on me. so maybe he’s just mature and had had reasonably decent relationships that ended amicably 🤷♀️no need to be concerned unless he starts acting sketchy
Yeah I think in my experience most guys do this tbh. I only really see women who archive pictures after a breakup. Most people keep their same IG unless they need to scrub it
You already sound concerned, hence this entire post. Should you though? Probably not
If he’s mature in most other things it seems pretty normal. Some people are quite good at becoming friends again with their exs.
That said unless you’re willing to work on your trauma around this, it could cause issues for you down the line as you get closer.
This doesn’t seem bad to me. Especially if he is respectful and its just on social media, not texting.
However, I did set a no contact with exes rule in my relationship. I mainly meant no texting and hanging out, but when his ex sent him a Pic of her tits falling out of her Halloween outfit, he blocked her everywhere.
I think it’s what will give you the most security in your relationship. If you need someone who isn’t in contact with exes, then ask for that. And if you can get past it and get some therapy, do that. Either way, be open with your boyfriend about how you feel about this and see what he says.
I personally don’t think it’s odd. I know some people delete all pictures of their exes and power to those who need to do that, sometimes there are really valid reasons for doing that. But I think being comfortable with someone’s maturity to move past a relationship and not hate them or “delete” them from their life is also healthy.
I think if he’s emoji reacting to all their stories (moreso than other people he follows) then that would be weird for me.
Honestly, I think the older we get, the more it’s easier to be friendly with exes. Not all relationships have to end in toxic drama – they can just end with “we’re not right for each other.”
If he’s not flirting with other girls, don’t worry about it. Also, don’t stalk him. That’s more of a red flag than being friends with exes.
People get pretty bent out of shape when exes are friends. It makes sense when boundaries are being crossed, and there is a palpable chemistry and sexual tension, but there are plenty of relationships between exes where there is none of that. I hang out with my ex all the time. The sex was bad with him from the start, and I have no desire to hook up or even kiss him ever again, even when I’ve been drunk and horny.
I personally, think it’s strange. I could not date someone like this. Sounds like you might not be able to either and that’s perfectly fine. Everyone is saying it is standard, I think is not true and is very much an online take.
I can see being a little jealous if your guy was FRIENDS friends with his exes, as in like actively in touch? I still personally wouldn’t consider it an automatic red flag, possibly because my circle of friends is mostly gay and being Actually Friends with your exes is much more normalized for gay people. But a lot of people would not like it.
But I think in the absence of active ongoing contact, being able to remain on “we liked each others’ wedding photos” terms with more than 5 exes is actually a remarkably green flag. You’re telling me NO ONE who’s ever dated this guy has felt the need to block him??? That seems like a damn good sign to me.