There’s this guy I love — truly, deeply — and I know he loves me too. We’ve known each other for 3 years now. He fell for me the day we met, and after about a year, I fell for him just as hard. (Also rough context that he came to my city to study n all but after 6 months he had to shift back his hometown due to some family issues but we were in a really good contact coz we used to talk for hours on phone like usually whole night)
But here’s the problem: there’s another girl in his life. She’s his childhood friend and has been in love with him for years. He cares about her a lot too — not just as a friend, but he says he loves both of us. But the thing is she’s been threatening suicide, and even showing him self-harm injuries to keep him close. A year ago, this got so bad that we both gave up on each other, even though it broke us.
We went no contact for a year, but neither of us could move on. I used to hallucinate him, and think of him 24/7. And no contact couldn’t help me stop lovin him
In jan, we started talking again, and trust me it was 7 hour talk and we couldn’t resist crying nd there was this one moment I’ll never forget: I was feeling extremely down one night, ( ig 5 days from the day we started talking again) and he sensed it. The next day, he booked a train and traveled 300 miles just to hug me for an hour — even though he had something really imp th next day, the other girl didn’t know abt this but later he told her and she jus insulted him alot and wanted both of us to stay WHICH IS JUSTIFIED enough from her side
He told me while having an anxiety attack that “I love both of you. I wish either one of you could just vanish from my mind because I don’t know what to do.” And that’s where we are now. I know he’s made mistakes, and admits to them. He’s trying to be honest now and he really wants things to be better , but he’s confused. I personally think he’s mistaking deep emotional care and guilt for love when it comes to her. I’m not just saying that to favor myself , jus had a thought abt it
i want him to validate his own emotions bec he is not a robot ofc and he didnt commit a crime , things are messed up if he wanted he could do the double timing thing bec its long distance but instead he chose to be honest w both of us
I want to add: I genuinely respect her emotions too. I know she loves him deeply and has her own pain. I don’t hate her — I understand her side. But I care about him more rn bec he is really fucked up , and trapped in a cycle where he can’t move forward without hurting someone. I don’t want that for him. I just want him to be free and clear in his mind and heart — even if that doesn’t end up being with me.
What do I do? I love him. I can’t just walk away. I already tried that, and it crushed me. But I don’t know how to help him out of this either. I don’t want to pressure him or make it worse, but watching him suffer and feeling stuck myself is tearing me apart.
What can i do? Im not here to be pointed “you are dumb” or “just leave” … it isnt easy
TLDR
I love a guy who loves me too, but he’s also deeply tied to his childhood friend who’s been in love with him for years and now he says he loves her too maybe he is confused and the girl is threatening suicide
this situation made us stop talking for a year, but I never stopped loving him. We recently reconnected, and he’s honest about loving both of us but feels trapped and confused. I respect the other girl’s feelings, but I care about him more right now and want him to find clarity and peace—even if that means not being with me. I can’t just walk away because I love him, but I don’t know how to help him or myself through this without causing more pain.