I (24F) have been with my husband (26M) for 7 years, married for 5. This past year has been incredibly difficult I lost my job, my dad was diagnosed with cancer, I had a miscarriage, and I just got over pneumonia. It’s been one thing after another, and I’ve been trying to stay grounded through it all.
To be fair, my husband has been emotionally supportive in the past especially earlier this year. But lately, something has changed. He’s become distant, defensive, and cold. I feel like I’m walking on eggshells, and any time I express how I’m feeling or bring up concerns, it turns into me being “too suspicious” or “too much.”
There have been trust issues in our relationship in the past — on his end and he acknowledged them. He promised he would work on rebuilding my trust, and for a while, it felt like he was trying. But lately, I’ve felt like I’m carrying the emotional load alone again.
Most recently, we got into a huge argument that started while I was out of town visiting family — a trip he encouraged me to go on. He also left on a work trip, but came back earlier than expected on a Friday. That same evening, around 8 PM, a car I didn’t recognize parked in front of our house — about 3 hours after he got home — and didn’t leave until 3 AM. I noticed it on our home cameras, and it felt off. Given the line of work we’re both in (law enforcement), I thought he’d at least be concerned or want to check on it. But when I brought it up to him while I was still away, he was completely unfazed. No curiosity, no follow-up — just dismissed it.
The next morning, the car was still there. He didn’t check, didn’t mention it — nothing. That’s unlike him. Normally, if a car lingers near our home, he’d be the first to investigate. So I got the plate and looked it up. It turns out the car belonged to a girl we both went to high school with — she graduated with him. I know her, and she knows me. When I told him that, he looked shocked — like he didn’t expect me to find out. That, on top of everything, made me feel even more uneasy. And to make things worse, this weekend was packed with celebrations in my hometown, so I couldn’t help but wonder if he thought I’d be too distracted to notice.
When I expressed how disrespected I felt, instead of addressing the situation, he turned it around on me. He told me I always act weird when I go back home — which I don’t — and said I was overreacting. He brought up how I mentioned my cousin’s fiancé a couple of times the night before (in totally casual, harmless conversation), and claimed that bothered him. I reminded him that I’ve never done anything to betray his trust. Whenever I go out, it’s with him, my family, or close relatives. Meanwhile, he’s the one who has lied about women in the past.
The conversation got more heated. I told him that I felt like I had nothing left to stay for at his house anymore — that I would probably ask my mom if I could stay with her. He didn’t say anything. He just stayed quiet. So I told him I was going to block him and left him with this: “Just remember — when I said I didn’t feel like there was anything left for me to do at your house, you had nothing to say.”
It’s now been almost 30 hours. No text. No call. No effort.
And this isn’t the first time I’ve felt alone in this. A few weeks ago, we went to a work party. One of his female coworkers greeted everyone normally, but when she got to him, she said “Hey, you!” in a tone that felt more familiar than professional. Later, she made a public comment about him getting “two paychecks like Jim,” which felt way too personal for someone he supposedly doesn’t talk to outside of work. Then, as we were leaving, she flirtatiously said, “I’m going with Jim” referring to my husband even though she was supposed to carpool with someone else. Her husband looked visibly upset and pulled her aside, and they left in their own car. The energy that night was uncomfortable, and it stuck with me.
I’ve been trying to ignore my gut feelings, to be understanding, to communicate — but I’m tired. I’m tired of feeling like I’m the only one who cares whether we fix things. I still love him, but I don’t know how much longer I can stay in something that makes me feel dismissed, gaslit, and emotionally alone.
I’m not sure what I’m hoping to get from this post — maybe perspective, maybe clarity. Has anyone ever been in a situation where space helped? Or was the silence the confirmation you needed?
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TL;DR:
Hard year with illness & miscarriage. My husband used to be emotionally supportive but has become distant and defensive. A car was parked outside our house for hours while I was gone — he acted like it was nothing. I looked up the plate and it belonged to a woman we both know. He got defensive and blamed me when I brought it up. We argued, I said I was leaving, and blocked him. It’s been almost 30 hours and he hasn’t contacted me. I feel emotionally alone and don’t know how much longer I can stay if nothing changes.