I was in a long-distance relationship with a guy. Before we even got serious, he would talk about his ex,t hey were together for 3 years and broke up due to religious reasons. He said he didn’t love her anymore and they didn’t talk, but also admitted that “his mind sees her as more beautiful” because of the time they spent together. That stuck with me. I constantly compared myself. She’s from his country, speaks the same language, same culture,I felt like I could never compete with that. On top of that, he once said his “ideal type” were girls with thick thighs and wide hips which I don’t have. Since he’s never seen my body (we never met in person), it made me even more insecure. I already had body insecurities before, and even if he didn’t mean harm, his comments made them worse. I asked if I was the prettiest girlfriend he’d had , he deflected and joked, and then said “if we’re talking about face, you win without a doubt,” but still added that his memories made him see his ex as prettier. He talked about building a future, introducing me to his family, and I was genuinely excited. But deep down, I always felt like his past was between us. A part of me even wanted to stay with him longer than he stayed with her, just to feel like I was more important. Eventually I ended things for my own peace. He didn’t fight it. He just said “if that’s what you want, okay.” I miss him a lot. But I know I did the right thing.
Still, I feel tempted to message him sometimes.
How do you move on from something like this?
How do you stop comparing yourself to a past relationship that you weren’t even part of?
And how do I stop myself from texting him again when I miss the sweet version of him so much?
He still sees his ex as more beautiful because of their memories, I couldn’t take it anymore. I miss him, but I had to end it. How do I move on without texting him again?
r/Advice
Comments
This long distance “relationship“ was not a relationship… he was a figment of your imagination, and you were a figment of his.
You never sat next to him in the same room, you never met him in person, so in fact, there is nothing to “miss.”
Except for the fantasy that you conjured up in your own mind.
As far as not texting him any longer, think logically about whether he is even a real person to you. The individual on the other end of your connection might’ve been someone completely different than who he professed to be.
I hope that makes sense.
You absolutely did the right thing, even if it hurts right now. When you miss him, try to remind yourself why you walked away you deserve someone who makes you feel secure and cherished, not compared. Staying busy and leaning on friends really helps. You’re stronger than you think!
Eu sempre que terminava com meu ex eu acabava mandando mensagem e me humilhando
Quando eu deletei o número dele, bloquiei mas redes sociais e não anotei o número em lugar nenhum deu certo
treat him as if he passed away
“broke up due to religious reasons”
He’s super religious? You dodged another bullet.
“we never met in person”
You had a pen pal, not a boyfriend.
Healing doesn’t mean you stop missing him. It means you stop letting the missing trick you into going back to something that wasn’t whole.
So you’ve never met in person?
How long has this gone on?
long distance relationships fail the most because they are not tangible…if you cant spend quality time togther other than on your phone or schedule visits then life will creep in and break you apart…he had no closure from his previous relationship and him dating you long distance was a fantasy of being in love with the ‘idea’ of love as it lacked true companionship/intimacy/chemistry
Always remember the negative never remember the small positive things they did at the end of the day. Do you wanna be in a relationship where they wanna be with their ex and they’re just with you as a place setting? NO your morning what could’ve been not what it was. It was an unhealthy unstable relationship with a person who is obsessed with their ex and should’ve never been dating. Move on with your grief I would see a therapist if it gets to be heavy and a psychiatrist but just remember that that was unhealthy and that’s not what a relationship should ever be so ask yourself what are you mourning? I always tell girls just because they didn’t want you or didn’t love you is because of a you problem it’s usually a them problem. Meaning you are good enough you’re beautiful enough you’re great enough. You just weren’t made to be with that person and that person has issues. Obviously if they’re still hung up on their ex and they didn’t even take time to work through their feelings! Who would choose to be in another relationship while you still have feelings about your ex that’s crazy. That’s not logical and you never wanna be with somebody like that. You want to be with a person who is obsessed with you in a healthy way.
You gotta move on