I [18F] feel like I am dying inside. I lost my best friend [19M]. We met in 5th grade and became best friends. Very close. So close that some people thought we were dating. Sometimes it felt like we were dating. We talked and texted every day. He would call me at 2am just to hear my voice. I told him personal things, things no one else knew about. He made me feel like I mattered.
People in our school always asked if we were a couple. We would deny it, because it’s true. We weren’t dating. But sometimes he would say that I was his ‘special girl’. I really thought that it meant something when he said that. I never told him how I felt because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship. With how he talked about me and when we hung out, I thought that he would like me back.
But over the past year, we kinda drifted apart. We stopped texting as much and it was harder to meet up. I kept reaching out though. Then just last week, I saw a picture on his profile. He was with someone. They look really happy. I know we didn’t date or anything, but it feels like I went through a breakup anyway. Like, he just walked out of my life.
I miss him so much. I feel stupid for holding out on something that wasn’t even real. I can’t tell anyone in my family about this. They know him. They like him. It would be awkward too since they know his family. I want to talk to someone about this. I just feel empty, and he probably doesn’t even know that I’m gone.